This is long but I am seriously depressed, I need !

[I am so sad]

This is gonna be long but I appreciate any advice that is given...

 

Here's the story from the very beginning:

 

I am 25. When I was 17 I met someone in high-school. I wasn't really attracted to him but he was popular and at that age I didn't think I would be with him for more than a month. I ended up being with him for 8 years and went through so much crap with him. As I got to know him I found out that he had a rough childhood. He was premature because his mom did cocaine when she was pregnant with him. His mom and dad fought a lot and they would lock him in a closet for days and he would eat his own feces. Then his mom and dad split and they both abandoned him and then his grand-parents took over. They got a divorce and the grandpa blamed him for the seperation. So he lived with his aunt. His aunt and uncle almost got a divorce and blamed it on him as well. I was raised in a good home with a mother and a father and they never fought in front of me. So this was all new to me to hear this.

 

So, as time went on I got pregnant. When I got pregnant is when things took a turn for the worst. He started getting very possesive of me and would stand outside my window at night I was scared. He ripped up my pictures of all my friends and wouldn't let me do anything with anyone other than him. I was only 17 and I wish I were smarter then. So I had my daughter when I was 18 and things got even worse yet. He started hitting me and mentally abusing me. I didn't know what to do.

 

I had attempted to leave him when I turned 20 only to find out 5 months later that I got pregnant again by him. So we had our other child and we had gotten back together. Things were ok but he started acting out again. Hurting me calling me names and mentally abusing me. I know that I was no angel but I didn't deserve this.

 

Well what I am getting at is that I am 25 now and I absolutley have no feelings for him. If I do... it's pure hatred. Just over a year ago he raped me and in September he beat me up pretty bad that I had 9 staples in my head, a fractured jaw and a cracked tooth. He did it all in front of my girls. There was another incident where I ended up in jail because he choked me and I tried getting him off of me by scratching his face. I called the cops and they didn't find any marks on me and arrested me because he had the scratches. I don't even trust the cops anymore. I have had my share of hitting/slapping him because of the hirtful things he does to me that I can't take it anymore.

 

In Feb. of '06 I wanted us to get couples counseling and he refused stating that he didn't have a problem. So I went on my own and came to realize that I don't want to be with him anymore and I want to stop this habit of abuse. I have told him that I don't want to be with him anymore but he just won't hear it. He keeps telling me that he loves me and cares about me. I am the bad guy now because now HE wants to get couples counseling and I don't because I want to move on with my life. He is making it extremely difficult to leave. He is so dependent upon me for his emotional needs but I can't handle it anymore I am done.

 

He always makes me feel bad for wanting to leave telling me that I am breaking up the family.

 

I am at a fork in the road and I know which road is best for me. I want to leave him. but how??? I need to know how to do it with the least amount of hurt. The least amount of drama. This guy makes drama out of a rock on the road. I hate it and cannot take it anymore. He won't take no for an answer and keeps drilling me until I budge. But I don't and he gets frustrated and then gets violent. What do I do? I am so depressed because I want it to be over. Please help!

[onlyhuman]

You need to find a local womens shelter.

They will advise and help you carry out a plan to get you out of this.

Scince you did not mention family I take it your on your own in this.

Do this, you are so young and have so much to live for,do it for your kids.

The shelter will also help you with the impeding legal issues that you must deal with.

In the mean time get yourself on some birth control!

Please do this,I'm saying a prayer for you!

[I am so sad]

Both my mom and dad want me to leave him. They have both tried to talk to him and have basically told him the same thing I do and that's the fact that I am not going to deal with his games any longer. My mom and dad have opened their door to me but I feel like they don't need to be sucked into my so-called "b/f's" messy web of drama. I don't want them to have to be included in this guy's messed up life.

 

I have also called and tried to talk to his family about maybe talking to him so that he can better understand things but all I get is them hanging up on me. Why don't they see that this is a toxic relationship and at least try to help him deal with it? They just hang up the phone!

 

Is it always this difficult to seperate? I have my mind made up but I think his clinginess has made it extremely difficult because I don't want him to be hurt by this. I just want to be happy for once and I hope the same for him too.

[footinthemouth]

Well it sounds like you are ready to move on to a happier life, but the only thing that's holding you back is his feelings. No matter what way you tell him that your relationship is over it will hurt him. You two have so much history together and to break out of that comfort zone is not easy for anyone. Once you're apart then he can start to change if he wants to. It took me to lose my marriage to figure out what I did wrong and what I need to do to myself to fix my own problems. Don't get me wrong, he had a pretty s***ty childhood that no child should have to endure, but it's his life experience.

 

I have no clue what you could say to him that would make it easier. I think from what you have posted, the guy needs to get some personal counselling and figure out how to deal with his issues. His parents don't seem to care, your parents are there to support you, so that leaves you the only person who cares for him. You say you hate him and have no feelings, but there's something in you that doesn't want to hurt him. Most people who don't care about the other wouldn't give two s***s. I think that you care for him as a friend would, concerned about their well being, but no more romantic feelings right?

 

His abuse to you is untolerable. No person should ever lay their hands on someone else when they are angry, never. And abuse in front of your kids, they aren't going to learn what a good relationship is for their future, if they see that abuse is acceptable.

 

Ultimately the choice is yours to make, get lots of support from family and friends and move away from him for at least a few months to see if he can or has changed. Having a life changing situation will make anyone look at themselves and think about what lead them to the present day.

Be friends with him if both of you can handle it, but if you can't then move on and take care of your children. Getting out of this lifestyle will be one of the best things you could do for yourself.

[tikigods]

This isn't about your happiness alone, its about the type of enviorment you want your kids to grow up in, do you want them to know that abuse is okay? Thats its right for a woman to be hurt? You need to not care about his feelings, or even your own, and its time you look after what is best for your kids. This isn't the place you want to have them growing up in, and regardless of how he feels you need to get them out of there.