I feel its not truely done yet

[Sabrina]

My ex and I have not talked for a few months he went away to boot camp and broke up with me after an awesome three months together. We have been together a total of three years. He just arrived home and told me he was sorry . And that in order for me to be with him i would have to marry him. Otherwise I could not move with him yet. HE said he was not ready for that and that he is not sure of me. I feel totally sure of him. I have loved him for some time and him the same..HE has mentioned marriage before and a ring but it never happened. So the thoughts were in his head, but I think somebody possibly his family and friends have talked him out of it several times. His actions show that he loves me enough to get married but he says otherwise. So this hurts because he even said he still loves me and that he cant picture me with anybody else. but he cant do anything about it because we can not have a serious thing with him in the guard and me here not seeing him. I love him and I dont want to loose him what do I do to make him see that he really loves me....I just know he really truely wants to be with me....And its so Sad that we can not be together. We are both young only 20 . But that does not matter I know he is the one I want to be with for life.

[midori]

Dear Sabrina,

 

My heart goes out to you in your dilemma. You're faced with a difficult choice: follow the dictates of your heart, which seem to be saying that you ought to hang in and have faith that sooner or later things will work out between you and this guy; or follow common sense, which says the two of you have a long road with a lot of unseen rough spots ahead of you before you could truly be together.

 

Having been there myself (I'm still there to some extent) I can say that no one's advice is going to give you a concrete answer that you can just follow without question. You've got to decide, based on the kind of person you are, the kind of person you know your bf to be, and the general circumstances of each of your lives, whether or not this is something that you can afford to nourish hope for. If you're like me, a hopeless (sometimes helpless) optimist, it will take repeated disappointment and heartbreak before you finally get to the point where you realize the futility of trying to make it work.

 

I know all too well the feeling you describe about it being unfinished. It's so hard to walk away from someone, even if you know it's the best thing to do, when you have a feeling that he'll be coming back around, wanting to try again. But sometimes you have to do something even if your heart doesn't like it.

 

You guys are both so young and going through radical life changes. It's no wonder your guy is confused and in doubt. I won't go so far as to say that, given your youth and the inevitable changes that lie ahead for each of you, your relationship probably won't last. But that's probably what common sense would say.