Desperate27 year old Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 I haven't been the most responsible person since I've been moving in and out from home since I was 20 now I'm 27. I still leave with my mother (her husband and their daughter whom I hate with all my heart) because I'm back to college and need the money for school and also to study abroad next year (I can't get financial aid anyways). But my relationship with the entire family is hell. always fighting, arguing and came to the point that after each fight I end up shaking, become pale and feel like a zombie. I want to move out, but that means I have to go through a lot of limitations, that includes my dream of study abroad. What would you do in my place? Thanks for your advise I'm desperate. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 Move out. Become self-sufficient and finance your own education, even if you have to put it on hold for awhile to earn the money for it. Then you can hold your head up and be beholding to no one. Link to post Share on other sites
JayKay Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 I agree. There's a lot of pride that comes with being self-sufficient. You will find a way to continue your education -- it may take a little longer, but you don't have to lose your sense of self respect. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnM Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Moving out doesn't mean your dream will end. It may take a little longer is all. Also since you are then self dependant theres a good chance you will be eligible for a grant or income support to aid you in your education. Theres also the added bonus of becoming self reliant and free to do what you want. Compared to your current home, it sounds like you'd also be alot happier living elsewhere. These reasons far outway the idea of living at home where you're unhappy simply because you feel as if your dream will be at risk if you move out. Move out and I'm sure you'll be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 I'm taking a slightly different approach. I do agree that self-sufficiency, living alone, and pride do give alot of personal growth. How long do you have to save to get the money and what college program are you in? Can you postpone the study abroad for another year? Instead of financial aid as in grants, gifts, etc.. how about unsubsidized student loans? Depending on where you are in the program, I would suggest taking a year or two off to work fulltime and take one class. The part-time/part-time in my experience is bad. You can't get anything done correctly. Trying to advance a "career" and education at the same time is just hard. Unsubsidized loans don't really have a income requirement. I get paid well and use the unsubsidized loans to pay for part of my grad degree. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Jerbear is spot-on - unsub student loans, and you can go to the financial aid office in your school. I got all sorts of money for school -- and my parents are loaded. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink_Tulip Posted March 29, 2006 Share Posted March 29, 2006 I am very bothered by the fact that you seem to think you are entitled to living at home at 27 and causing all this disruption. How old is your sister? If she is also an adult, I'd say shame on both of you for causing this much chaos to your mom and her husband in their home. If she is a minor, I'd assume a teenager, then shame on you for not being the adult and allowing this foolishness to go on. Your poor mom! I couldn't imagine having my adult son living at home amidst all this fighting and nonsense. You need to grow up, take out student loans like all the rest of us had to do, and move out. You don't have the right to bring this kind of stress into someone elses home. JMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 29, 2006 Share Posted March 29, 2006 I am very bothered by the fact that you seem to think you are entitled to living at home at 27 and causing all this disruption. How old is your sister? If she is also an adult, I'd say shame on both of you for causing this much chaos to your mom and her husband in their home. You make a very broad assumption here. There are parents who are VERY happy to have their kids live with them long-term. My mom would have had me live with her until middle age quite happily. It was a fight for me to leave at 23. So before you lecture, maybe try to not make assumptions when you don't know the story of someone else's life. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink_Tulip Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 But my relationship with the entire family is hell. always fighting, arguing and came to the point that after each fight I end up shaking, become pale and feel like a zombie. I want to move out... If you caused this sort of chaos while living at home as an adult I would say the same thing to you. Its one thing if an adult lives at home, mows the lawn every week, helps with chores, and enhances his parents lives. But when it is constant fighting and stress, sorry, but I can't imagine his mom is terribly happy about this. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 If you caused this sort of chaos while living at home as an adult I would say the same thing to you. Its one thing if an adult lives at home, mows the lawn every week, helps with chores, and enhances his parents lives. But when it is constant fighting and stress, sorry, but I can't imagine his mom is terribly happy about this. And again, you assume that he's the cause of the fighting. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 You don't have the right to bring this kind of stress into someone elses home. JMO. Um... I think you are being unnecessarily hurtful to someone you know nothing about. All families have problems, but that is what you are. A FAMILY. Do not assume the OP is forcing themself on their family. Far from it I bet. Plenty of people do not like to take out loans because they feel they would rather work for their money rather than borrow. It is just how some people are brought up so do not ridicule them for it. We all have different values, and granted yours are different, but dont have a go at someone when you do not know the whole story. Give people a fair go and your life will be easier as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink_Tulip Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 You are right, I was unnecessarily harsh. I apologize for the tone, I have been in a really bad mood the past couple days. So replace that with: I think there is a lot to be said for standing on your own two feet and making it. Part of being an adult is realizing you don't get everything you want, and that includes studying abroad. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 You are right, I was unnecessarily harsh. I apologize for the tone, I have been in a really bad mood the past couple days. So replace that with: I think there is a lot to be said for standing on your own two feet and making it. Part of being an adult is realizing you don't get everything you want, and that includes studying abroad. But if you had a chance to do what you've always wanted to do.. wouldn't you take it? If you had a chance to maybe better yourself.. wouldn't you take it? Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 First, you learn how to spell correctly. Then, you may be able to convince us that you are attending college toward a degree. As for now, suck up to you mom and step-dad and do part of the house-chores. Perhaps then, you won't be living in "hell"? Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 First, you learn how to spell correctly. Then, you may be able to convince us that you are attending college toward a degree. As for now, suck up to you mom and step-dad and do part of the house-chores. Perhaps then, you won't be living in "hell"? A couple of misspelt words does not give you the right to make fun of someone. When you yourself are perfect then you can do it. Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 I just don't buy what the OP is saying here. But I offered my sincere advice based on what he's posted. I wasn't trying to make fun of him, though, I'll admit that I have a certain disdain for people who are still living with their parents (at age 27!) and complaining about it. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 I just don't buy what the OP is saying here. But I offered my sincere advice based on what he's posted. I wasn't trying to make fun of him, though, I'll admit that I have a certain disdain for people who are still living with their parents (at age 27!) and complaining about it. 'When you learn how to spell, then you can tell us you're working towards your degree'.. whattya call that? It sounded like making fun of him to me. Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 erika, why are you protecting him??? Methink he needs a dose of truth. A guy who is in his situation doesn't need any more "pampering" - he's spoilt enough! Geez! If he were my son - he'd be out in the streets. Hehe! Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Plenty of people move in and out of home during their 20s. It is really nothing new or that exciting. He needs to save money for college and to study overseas. So what? Plenty of people are willing to help their kids through things such as this. Just because someone is grown does not mean their parents automatically think they are a nuisance because they are family. Admittedly, they are all fighting at home and the OP and the rest need to have a different attitude towards each other, but this does not make the OP a bad person. All families fight. It is a given. Noone knows the whole story so dont assume you know anything. Dont attack someone who is genuinly looking for support. And yes, as Erika pointed out, you were making fun of the OP. Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Darlin Coco, Sorry, I can not condone that kind of behavior from an adult living in America. Yes, I agree there are circumstances where an adult may have to live with their parents with dignity... but someone who still cannot differentiate the spelling of "live" and "leave" is simply lazy. There is no excuse for being an underachiever in America. None whatsoever. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink_Tulip Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Erika- I guess I am cut from a different cloth. It wouldn't mean as much to me unless I did it on my own. I have been on my own since 18, took 6 years to get through college b/c I had to work two jobs AND take out loans. To me, the idea of living at home at 27 is just really weird. Not trying to make fun, just saying I can in no way identify. I recognize that with the younger generations, it is more and more socially acceptable to be living at home for a long time, but as I said before, I think that a lot can be said for making it on your own. Kids now seem to think they should not move out until they can achieve the same standard of living as their parents, and I find that entitlement attitude unattractive. It has added to the decay of the work ethic of this country, IMO. Not saying this applies to this particular poster, just making the point that when I hear about people at this age living at home, I do make a stereotype, right or wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink_Tulip Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 And again, you assume that he's the cause of the fighting. No, I am not. He is 27 years old. I don't care who is doing the fighting. If he chooses to live at home at an age where he can very easily care for himself, he has no room to complain about the circumstances, IMO. The fact that he is participating at all, at his age, is the issue. The only thing I AM assuming is that he is an able bodied adult. If he has some disability that has not been disclosed that requires him to live at home, I would certainly have compassion for that situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Darlin Coco, Sorry, I can not condone that kind of behavior from an adult living in America. Yes, I agree there are circumstances where an adult may have to live with their parents with dignity... but someone who still cannot differentiate the spelling of "live" and "leave" is simply lazy. There is no excuse for being an underachiever in America. None whatsoever. So because someone has typos in their writing that makes them lazy.... interesting to ponder I guess but not exactly what I would call a valid indication of laziness! Underachiever's in America... who would have guessed! With the way the world is, it is amazing that he is not out shooting, snorting, drinking his life away. Admittedly, for me, it is impossible to consider living at home until 27 (I left at 18) but I bet there are plenty of others who find it normal until they are able to financially support themselves. Do you take this same heartless attitude to those who are living on the streets due to their families, addictions etc. I guess they would be guilty of underachieving as well? I know that you are reasonably well off, we have gathered that from your other posts about your rich husband and the rich man you wanted to sleep with blah blah. Your attitude sounds like the typical upper-middle class snobbery which is so typical of the more fortunate of Americans. See. I am making assumptions even though I don't know you. Isnt nice is it? Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 So because someone has typos in their writing that makes them lazy.... interesting to ponder I guess but not exactly what I would call a valid indication of laziness! Underachiever's in America... who would have guessed! With the way the world is, it is amazing that he is not out shooting, snorting, drinking his life away. Admittedly, for me, it is impossible to consider living at home until 27 (I left at 18) but I bet there are plenty of others who find it normal until they are able to financially support themselves. Do you take this same heartless attitude to those who are living on the streets due to their families, addictions etc. I guess they would be guilty of underachieving as well? I know that you are reasonably well off, we have gathered that from your other posts about your rich husband and the rich man you wanted to sleep with blah blah. Your attitude sounds like the typical upper-middle class snobbery which is so typical of the more fortunate of Americans. See. I am making assumptions even though I don't know you. Isnt nice is it? There are plenty of others. I'm 27 years old. I left home at 24 and had to come back due to the fact that I lost my job, and couldn't find another one right away. Now I have a crappy job, but I have health problems and can't get another one until I find out what's wrong. I didn't think that made me a bad person. And KnowHowLoveFeels.. who's asking you to condone anything? I really have such a low tolerance for judgemental people.. Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Darlin Coco and Erika, I have a certain view regarding this original post and you obviously have the opposing views to mine. I have no sympathy for adults - 27 years of age, mind you! - living with his folks and then complaining about it being "hell". Sure, he states that he wants to attend college. But I don't get that vibe from his post. Coco, I have alot of empathy for people... but not for lazy, underachievers. It is my opinion, and it was honestly not meant as an attack on the original poster. That's the way I express my opinions. I am sorry if I've offended you. I take it that you don't like me for my background? Isn't that ironic how we should not be "judgemental?" Link to post Share on other sites
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