Moving out from home at 27

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

I disagree for reasons I stated above. Read the thread.

 

Honestly, considering the massive amount of spelling mistakes that EVERYONE makes, I have no idea why people point this out. Glass houses. Stoned (haha). All that jazz.

 

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

 

What I have issue with is people using vocabulary words that they are unfamiliar with, misusing them or misspelling them atrociously.

 

I certainly hope no one has quickly passed judgement on you.

 

 

B_O, actually, you are quite right about my passing judgment. I was peeved by what I read because I felt that the author was not being honest. Maybe I read it wrong... it happens.

 

I agree with P_T, especially regarding entitlement. But when I read further on the thread, I realized that you were talking about something else in reference to entitlement.

 

No, I certainly do not wish for people to cast stones at me! I know I am full of faults. This thread actually taught me something about holding my pet peeves aside when posting.

[blind_otter]

B_O, actually, you are quite right about my passing judgment. I was peeved by what I read because I felt that the author was not being honest. Maybe I read it wrong... it happens.

 

I agree with P_T, especially regarding entitlement. But when I read further on the thread, I realized that you were talking about something else in reference to entitlement.

 

No, I certainly do not wish for people to cast stones at me! I know I am full of faults. This thread actually taught me something about holding my pet peeves aside when posting.

 

Hooray!

 

whenever I read "...it happens" I always think "s*** happens".

[Pink_Tulip]

I

I'm surprised at your "deal with it and stuff it" attitude.

 

I very much have this attitude. As I have said on another thread, I have been a social worker for many years. I am sooooo tired of excuses and whining (not specifically talking about this thread, just in general).

 

Just ONE example. I have clients who miss pee tests b/c it was just too much work to take the bus with three little kids, even tho I give them free bus tickets, they are on welfare and have nothing else to do all day. You made poor life choices, now you deal with it. I always go way above and beyond for my clients who work hard to improve their lives and acknowledge their mistakes. But I have way too many who live with both hands out expecting everyone to take care of them. We have become a nation of victims, and I absolutely can't stand it.

 

If the OP had come on here and said, I made poor choices, and now I am working to straighten out my life, however since I moved back home I have had issues getting along with family, or something along those lines, I would have been more than happy to be supportive. But that is not the impression I got at all. I didn't hear any appreciation for the opportunity to live at home, only anger that the situation wasn't to their expectations.

 

I also have no problems with people venting. But this did not seem like a vent, it seemed like someone looking to be a martyr, wanting attention for such a hard life. I have no use for that attitude. Sympathizing with someone who needs a kick in the pants will accomplish nothing, I have learned that lesson over many times.

 

I get that we have changed as a nation and don't require personal responsibility like we did in the past. I find that sad, and although I will (obviously) be among the few with my hard nose opinion, I don't have a problem sharing it.

 

Also BO, I see where you are coming from with entitlement, but it can be much more subtle than you say. Just b/c the OP may not be a complete narcissistic ego maniac, doesn't mean the they don't feel entitled. In fact, from my position at work, I'd say we have done a great job as a nation raising kids who feel entitled to a lot.

 

Michaelangelo- I thought you did a great job of summarizing, and I completely agree with your decision to stay home. I would be pissed if I were you too, your dad really wasn't fair at all, to say the least. I take posts at face value. On the rare occasion I have tried to read more into them, I have always been wrong. Maybe you are 100% correct. I would love for the OP to come back and clarify.

[Outcast]

Sounds like burnout and time for a career change to me.

[blind_otter]

I very much have this attitude. As I have said on another thread, I have been a social worker for many years. I am sooooo tired of excuses and whining (not specifically talking about this thread, just in general).

 

Just ONE example. I have clients who miss pee tests b/c it was just too much work to take the bus with three little kids, even tho I give them free bus tickets, they are on welfare and have nothing else to do all day. You made poor life choices, now you deal with it. I always go way above and beyond for my clients who work hard to improve their lives and acknowledge their mistakes. But I have way too many who live with both hands out expecting everyone to take care of them. We have become a nation of victims, and I absolutely can't stand it.

 

If the OP had come on here and said, I made poor choices, and now I am working to straighten out my life, however since I moved back home I have had issues getting along with family, or something along those lines, I would have been more than happy to be supportive. But that is not the impression I got at all. I didn't hear any appreciation for the opportunity to live at home, only anger that the situation wasn't to their expectations.

 

I also have no problems with people venting. But this did not seem like a vent, it seemed like someone looking to be a martyr, wanting attention for such a hard life. I have no use for that attitude. Sympathizing with someone who needs a kick in the pants will accomplish nothing, I have learned that lesson over many times.

 

I get that we have changed as a nation and don't require personal responsibility like we did in the past. I find that sad, and although I will (obviously) be among the few with my hard nose opinion, I don't have a problem sharing it.

 

Also BO, I see where you are coming from with entitlement, but it can be much more subtle than you say. Just b/c the OP may not be a complete narcissistic ego maniac, doesn't mean the they don't feel entitled. In fact, from my position at work, I'd say we have done a great job as a nation raising kids who feel entitled to a lot.

 

Michaelangelo- I thought you did a great job of summarizing, and I completely agree with your decision to stay home. I would be pissed if I were you too, your dad really wasn't fair at all, to say the least. I take posts at face value. On the rare occasion I have tried to read more into them, I have always been wrong. Maybe you are 100% correct. I would love for the OP to come back and clarify.

 

 

We will have to agree to disagree, and this is why I shied away from social work and would rather work in the private sector. When I did my internship at the state forensic mental hospital, I saw the immense amount of bitterness and the loss of faith in the human spirit, and above all, this skewed view of reality because of what they had to experience.

 

Not everyone is like the people you deal with in your work. It's sad to see this has so drastically colored your worldview.

[Pink_Tulip]

Lol, I am not cynical b/c of my work. I have been raised and have always believed that no one should depend on anyone else for anything in life. If you are in a bad situation, it is b/c you have made poor choices. I have dedicated my life in more ways than one to help people who have made poor choices get back on track, and as I said before, I bend over backwards for people who want to start taking steps forward. Yes I encounter the worst of the worst in my work, and I also encounter people who come from the absolute lowest point a person can be and work their butts off to turn their life around, and they are my inspiration. I come from severe abuse myself, which is why I made the choice to dedicate my life to helping children.

 

Most of the outrage I have at the entitlement attitude in our culture is from dealings with non clients- neighbors, people at school, etc. As I said earlier, I could be totally wrong about the OP, and would be more than happy to admit it. But taking the post at face value, they never acknowledged any gratitude for the help from family. That just bugs me. I also acknowledged that many people are buying into this 'everyone is a victim' sentiment going around, I refuse to. If my child made poor choices and expected to move home at 27 to correct those choices, only to be ungreatful and complain about the conditions, he'd be back out on his own very quickly. I don't believe in enabling this attitude that my life should be easier, I shouldn't have to work as hard, and I still expect the perks in life.

 

But other than that, yes we will have to agree to disagree as we obviously have very different opinions about this situation.

[blind_otter]

thankfully i was raised to be more forgiving of people making mistakes. I've made more than my share, so I cannot stand and pass judgement on anyone. Nor do I want to.

 

Besides, I happen to make the fundamental attribution error too frequently to really feel comfident in making judgement on people's actions that I know little about.

 

I humbly submit that no one is perfect.

[Walk]

To the OP, although I've forgotten the OP's name now... sorry.

 

I'm a full time student too. I'll be 32 this year. My bf is paying the bills until I graduate, which isn't quite the same, but I think the concept is close. I'm milking off him to follow my dream. The roof over my head, the food I eat, even some of the clothes I wear, were all paid for by him. I get upset with him at times, but I am grateful for his support. Grateful. Which means I go out of my way to attempt to ease his life. Clean the house, buy small items like soap or coffee when we run out. I fix and repair things so he won't have to. I clean his car on occasion, and I'll fill his coffee before he heads off to work. I do things he likes because I'm grateful to him for supporting me through all of this. Which sometimes includes turning the other cheek.

 

Maybe the difference is that I've been in the position of having no one who will help you. Living in a car and eating tuna from a can because you can't afford anything else. Your parents don't have to let you live in their house. They are allowing it. Most people who are giving financial support to someone will begin to feel taken advantage of. They'll feel resentful, and angry at the person. They begin to make remarks, or act passively aggressive toward them. The tension increases between the people and arguments occur. But all of that could've have been lessened if they had felt appreciated, and as if you were giving as much as you were taking. Many times it comes down to feeling unappreciated. They feel unappreciated for the things they are giving, you feel unappreciated by the lack of respect they are showing you. But you need to step up to the plate and be the bigger person. Start doing more, giving more, and showing them that you do appreciate the support they are giving you. Because in all honesty, without them it would require nearly inhuman amounts of effort in order for you to follow this dream.

 

You have to change the dynamics of your interactions with these people.This can only come from you. They won't change unless you do. Identify areas you can improve on, and do it. If that means cleaning the dishes 4 times a week instead of 2, then do that. Or mowing the grass before they ask, or dusting, or laundry, or even washing your mom's car "just because". Change how you act, and your families actions will change. Otherwise, you need to move out. Your dream of studying abroad might not come true, but I promise, no one's ever died from not studying abroad. Honest.

[Pink_Tulip]

I agree 100% that no one is perfect. Heck, I have made mistakes I so regret, would give anything to go back and change. But they were my mistakes. I did not make them b/c I was a victim, I did not make them b/c I had a bad childhood, I did not make them b/c of some external reason. I made poor choices, plain and simple. And I accept those choices and the consequences that go along with them.

 

I never judged the OP for the choices he made to land him back at home at 27. I never mentioned it. I did judge him for his lack of gratitude to his family. And as I have said many times, if I am wrong about that I will admit it. But I took the post at face value.

 

If I am correct you are a recovering addict, so I would assume you are familiar with the 12 steps. I am not, but I believe in them, and use them with all my clients, addicts or not. I think they are a perfect example of how to live your life in the best, most fulfilling way. Humility and inventory are very important principles to me. I think the OP would do well to practice them right now. That is all I have been trying to say.

 

And yes, I am this blunt with all my clients, kids, friends, etc. That is just my personality.

[blind_otter]

I agree 100% that no one is perfect. Heck, I have made mistakes I so regret, would give anything to go back and change. But they were my mistakes. I did not make them b/c I was a victim, I did not make them b/c I had a bad childhood, I did not make them b/c of some external reason. I made poor choices, plain and simple. And I accept those choices and the consequences that go along with them.

 

I never judged the OP for the choices he made to land him back at home at 27. I never mentioned it. I did judge him for his lack of gratitude to his family. And as I have said many times, if I am wrong about that I will admit it. But I took the post at face value.

 

If I am correct you are a recovering addict, so I would assume you are familiar with the 12 steps. I am not, but I believe in them, and use them with all my clients, addicts or not. I think they are a perfect example of how to live your life in the best, most fulfilling way. Humility and inventory are very important principles to me. I think the OP would do well to practice them right now. That is all I have been trying to say.

 

And yes, I am this blunt with all my clients, kids, friends, etc. That is just my personality.

 

 

Ok. Please let this go.

[Pink_Tulip]

You know BO, your last several posts have been directed at me. I feel this OP needs to stand up and be responsible. You don't have to agree. You can tell them they deserve to live at home til their 50 for all I care. But to pick apart my opinion b/c you don't like it is ridiculous. You also say you don't judge people, then say this:

 

thankfully i was raised to be more forgiving of people making mistakes.

 

Which I am sure you are very aware can be taken to be very judgemental in a passive/agressive way. And to top it all off, after you take jabs at my posts concerning the thread topic, you tell ME to let it go. If you don't like my opinion, I couldn't care less. But don't expect me to just sit by and let you pick apart my posts b/c they don't agree with your 'worldview.'

 

If you don't want to continue this conversation, then stop attacking my posts. Its as simple as that.

[blind_otter]

You know BO, your last several posts have been directed at me. I feel this OP needs to stand up and be responsible. You don't have to agree. You can tell them they deserve to live at home til their 50 for all I care. But to pick apart my opinion b/c you don't like it is ridiculous. You also say you don't judge people, then say this:

 

 

 

Which I am sure you are very aware can be taken to be very judgemental in a passive/agressive way. And to top it all off, after you take jabs at my posts concerning the thread topic, you tell ME to let it go. If you don't like my opinion, I couldn't care less. But don't expect me to just sit by and let you pick apart my posts b/c they don't agree with your 'worldview.'

 

If you don't want to continue this conversation, then stop attacking my posts. Its as simple as that.

 

 

I did stop. I asked you to let this go in my last post. I am unsubscribing to this thread. I have enough on my plate, and this last post you made, considering that I said "OK, please let this go" -- is just plain bizarre.

[MrsHellFire]

The conclusion you insist on leaping to is that the OP is the cause of the fights.

You seem to be unable to conceive of a family in which everyone fights all the time OTHER THAN the person who ends up shaking and white due to being severely affected by the conflicts going on in the home.

 

 

What made you think she WASN'T starting trouble. She herself said she hated them. If she walked away, she wouldn't be "shaking" and so distraught after each fight. She is obviously reciprocating, if not starting. That is an obviously conclusion. You are just to stubborn trying to defend her or YOURSELF. GROW UP!

[MrsHellFire]

"In my own life, I'm one of 11 kids, my father asked me to live at home instead of leaving. he wanted me to help renovate the house."

 

Your particular situation has no relevance. Her family can't stand this woman and fights with her constantly. They would be better off with her gone. And they probably do want her gone, because she makes it so miserable. IT's idiotic to try to compare your COMPLETELY different situation to hers.

[erika2610]

"In my own life, I'm one of 11 kids, my father asked me to live at home instead of leaving. he wanted me to help renovate the house."

 

Your particular situation has no relevance. Her family can't stand this woman and fights with her constantly. They would be better off with her gone. And they probably do want her gone, because she makes it so miserable. IT's idiotic to try to compare your COMPLETELY different situation to hers.

 

I thought this thread died.. considering the OP hasn't posted in a long time. Why bring it back up?

[michelangelo]

I's laughable that you can find my comparison idiotic and nonrelevant.

 

Did you just learn how to use multisyllabic verbage and want to give it a go?