Update

[Justine]

If this makes any difference, just want to clarify something. I would not be able to afford to stay in Japan and study. Thus, I would have to give up establishing a career in Japan. This guy I really love but I won't ask him to divorce. But he's the one that offered to support me financially. There's more with the story with his wife. He and his wife have been married for 11 years and she never had to work. 2 years ago she blames him for giving up her career for their marriage and decided to get an MBA and return to another country to wrok. He says his wife doesn't like Japan and asked him to move back with her, but he doesn't want to because he prefers Japan. An important thing I should add is that he has 2 daughters (10 and 6). This guy really wants a son and last year he told me his wife had an abortion and the doctor said it was a boy. His wife said she did not want to have another baby because she was very stress out with studies and also wants a career of her own. I don't know his wife, but he has shown me pic of her. She still is quite attractive. Regarding the issue about wanting to go to a well known school. Yeah, I admit that I want to go to a well known school. I'm self in this respect because i want a better future for myself.

[Laurynn]

No offense, but you're both in need of some morals and scruples.

 

First of all, you must either be very naive or very young...to just assume that if a man isn't wearing a wedding ring that he's not married (I'm referring to your original post a little ways down the board). Nevertheless, you found out he had one. If you had any self-respect, decency, class, you would have told him to take a flying leap at a rolling donut hole right then and there.

 

So here we have a situation where this guy's wife doesn't live in Japan......so he figures he can screw around with the young gal, behind his wife's back. You're nothing but a plaything to him....a toy....an object to screw that makes him feel young and desired. I laughed when I read the line about how he finds you genuine, and that you're not materialistic like the other girls. What other girls? Sounds like Mr Married Man has been around the block a bit.

 

He has children. He has a family. Do you want to be a homewrecker or don't you give a sh*t? As a woman yourself (not much of one, mind you), don't you have any respect for his wife? Despite any negative things he's told you about her (which were likely lies, HELLO?), he's married....he has children with this woman. They are a family. Until such times as he divorces his wife, WHICH HE AIN'T GONNA DO, you should leave him the hell alone.

 

He's not ever going to leave his wife. First of all, if he's as wealthy as you say he is, even if he didn't love his wife, he's not going to divorce her and risk losing half of his fortune....or losing custody of his kids because he f*cked around in his marriage/which would give the courts good reason to award her custody of them. This man is stringing you along like a violin.......and because of the fact that you're clearly a user..and you're willing to let someone else's HUSBAND pay your way through school, all because the schools in Canada aren't good enough (boo freakin hoo).....in some respects, you deserve each other.

 

99.9% of married men absolutely never, ever, ever leave their wives for their mistress.

 

Should you be the 0.01%, honey...if he's willing to cheat on his wife with you, he'll do the same thing TO you down the road.

 

Your parents obviously didn't do a very good job instilling morals and values in you. Only a two-bit hooch would be willing to be a man's mistress in order to have her formal education paid for.

 

And like Daisy mentioned down below......not all wives are passive lil' flowers when they find out their husband has been cheating. She could clean your clock like there's no tomorrow. You could end up running for your life.

 

I don't understand..so what's your dilemma? Seems to me that you're already sleeping around with a married man, and that doesn't seem to bother you.

 

L

[midori]

It's impossible to muster any sympathy at all for you. I usually don't respond to posts that I don't feel I can relate to in some way, but I'll make an exception here.

 

1. You are using this man & this situation in a wholly selfish way. Your real agenda (which you half admit to) is to tap into this guy's wealth -- it doesn't matter what you intend to use it for. The love you profess is bogus. You might have convinced yourself that you love this man but I'd be willing to bet that if he wasn't wealthy and willing to support you, you wouldn't have the same feelings for him. Your love for him is the rationalization you use to justify staying in the relationship -- but that's not really why you're there. You're there for the money and to avoid having to attend a second-tier university in Canada.

 

2. This man is using you. Not just in the obvious ways (sex, ego) but specifically as a weapon in his hemorraging marriage. He & his wife are going through rough times at the moment. He sounds very resentful of his wife and some of the choices she has made recently. He's bent on getting back at her. You are less of a person and more of a role to him. You could be anyone as far as he is concerned. Do you like the idea of being used as a weapon to wield hurt? You have no power at all here, none. It's not about you and him, it's not about his love for you (he has none for you). It's about his marriage and his wife.

 

If you're willing to promote your career at the expense of your integrity and your emotional well-being, continue in this farce. Try to get your tuition money up front in one lump sum so that when the bottom falls out of your cozy little set up you'll at least have your primary goal secured. That's good business sense.