catgirl1927 Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 This is as much about therapy for me, because a friend of mine told me this over the weekend and I am a little freaked out about it. And let me also say that I have already talked to my boyfriend about this and we are fine. I trust him, and we're fine. I post a lot about my insecurity, I just want to clarify that this isn't about that. I just want to get some insight on all this. She has been married for about a year to a guy she was with for about 3 years before that. She and he both have problems with alcohol and coke, and she smokes pot every day several times a day. Here's the deal: She was telling me that if my BF has a bachelor party in Vegas with her husband that she and I MUST be there. I said no way, we can't do that, his bachelor party is going to be all boys, because that's what he wants, and I'm fine with that. Will there be strippers, yes of course, but he loves me and knows how I feel and I trust him. He could have a stripper if he wanted one, but he loves me. SO. I said no, I'm not going to his bachelor party. She said, her husband always gets hookers in Vegas and will definitely buy a hooker for my BF for his bachelor party. I said, that's between him and my BF, I'm not going to get in the middle of that, my BF knows how I feel and I'm not going to worry about that. OK, so long story longer, she starts telling me about the last time they went to Vegas and how she kept having to chase her husband down because he kept sneaking off with this one hooker to have sex with her. Cheating? Oh yes. She's not sure it's cheating, but she's totally coked up. BUT, here's the thing. While he was running off with that one hooker, SHE was all up on another hooker, more or less having sex with her. (I don't want to know where they were, I have heard of clubs like that, I hope never to go to one) On more than one occasion, she has brought women home for threesomes. So: 1. If she is having sex with the women, she may think it's not real sex (she told me it wasn't), but I disagree. Sexual contact with another person is sexual contact, I don't understand how she could say it's not. SO, she's cheating on him, right? 2. If she brings home other women for them to have sex with, I'm not trying to be mean, but how can she be surprised by this? I think what her deal is, is that she feels that as long as SHE is in control of the sex with other women then it's not cheating, but if he initiates it then it's different. I think she's basically opened up her marriage and this is just what happens when you do that. She also feels that she is so "generous" with him by bringing these other women in that she should be able to control the whole thing and he shouldn't complain. It's also not a small thing that she makes no money, has no education and comes from a very poor, very trashy family who think she has cashed in BIG TIME. I'm fairly certain from the little time I've been around her family that they encourage this openness because they want her to have his money. She's not a bad person, and neither is he. I think they've made a real mess here. I think it's probably pretty much doomed, and it's very scary to me that she's going on and on about wanting children. Link to post Share on other sites
whats wrong with me Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 1. If she is having sex with the women, she may think it's not real sex (she told me it wasn't), but I disagree. Sexual contact with another person is sexual contact, I don't understand how she could say it's not. SO, she's cheating on him, right? I think she is 2. If she brings home other women for them to have sex with, I'm not trying to be mean, but how can she be surprised by this? I dont know....she's a bit messed up in the head isn't she? (not that I claim to be okay!!!) I have to agree with you that SHE opened up the relationship by inviting women home w/ her. I understand a little what she means though...if my h and I were experimenting and had done something like that...I guess I would feel cheated on if he had sex with a women and didn't include me. I dont really know for sure though cause although I've thought of doing stuff like that (in the past) I've never actually done it. Mainly for the reasons you give "opening up the relationship" Link to post Share on other sites
Pink_Tulip Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 So to make sure I understand, she has brought women home for a threesome, and he is going outside of the threesome to have sex alone with these women? And she is doing the same? I'd say they are both cheating. I don't agree with threesomes at all, but if a couple decides to do that, the sex with the other person stays within the threesome- it does not open the relationship up to have sex with the third person whenever. And BTW, please find a way to convince her to go on some long term form of birth control... I do have to say tho, that you trusting your husband in Vegas with a man you know is gonna get him a hooker is commendable. I absolutely would not be able to do it. I wish I had that kind of trust, but just don't anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author catgirl1927 Posted March 20, 2006 Author Share Posted March 20, 2006 They were at a club in Vegas where they were in some VIP room where everyone was having sex, and her husband kept going into the restroom with this one hooker. The fact that she was even THERE speaks volumes to me. I think she gives him all this leeway because she's only with him for money, and when you marry for money you can't expect to be respected or loved in return. This guy won't get him a hooker. ALL his friends know that I would end it immediately if I ever found out, and newsflash, women usually find out. Besides, I really don't think he WANTS to end our relationship. I think he really does love me. I told his best friend what she was saying and he said there were enough of them that would be there that know me, they'd be sure that didn't happen, even if he had too much to drink. I wouldn't accept "drunk" as an excuse, but they were trying to be nice. This guy is the only one of their whole group who is like this. The other guys won't think it's as super cool as this immature loser thinks it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author catgirl1927 Posted March 20, 2006 Author Share Posted March 20, 2006 Not to say that they don't like strippers or they wouldn't be tempted. I'm just saying I don't think he would do it. At least, I hope not. If he does, I will kick him out and he'll go to hell. So is it worth it to lose me for some skanky poonany? Who knows... Link to post Share on other sites
flavius Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 I guess you're fascinated by their different approach to life, maybe I am too. If they are "cheating" or not depends on how they define cheating and fidelity. If they are acting within their mutual agreement, it is not cheating, per se. It may be immoral, it may be adultery, but it is not exactly cheating. I actually know a couple who have done such things, and I assume it is a routine for them. They are a devoted couple by any other measure. Hmmm. Mrs F and I are determined never to do the stuff you described above, although we agree it might be great fun for the moment. Not gonna trade a moment of fun for a lifetime of devotion. Not gonna happen. For what it's worth, the LAST occasion I would ever choose for a Titty-Bash in Vegas would be the eve of my wedding. I know it's a "tradition", but it is absolutely creepy to me. About like celebrating your 50th Anniversary with a gang-bang. Who thought that sh_t up, anyway?? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 There are swingers out there. This doesn't seem to be the case. For the record, I'd like to add that just because you're bisexual doesn't make you a whore. I've had LTRs with women and men. I don't go around randomly humping everything because I happen to be attracted to some women as well as some men. This has nothing to do with her sexual orientation. It has to do with a huge disconnect between her actions, belief system, and words, and probably a vast amount of insecurity and self-doubt on her part. Maybe even a history of sexual abuse or molestation, for those who are excessively promiscuous and have drug dependency issues this is usually the case. In any event. This has nothing to do with the fact that she is bi, with the exception that she and her H are both f***ing other women. It has to do with a f***ed up relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
carmaenforcer Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Yikes.. First off I need to know where this strip club is. J/K I agree with you 100% catgirl. Physical contact of a sexual nature with someone other than your H/W committed BoyFriend/GF, is cheating no matter how you try to justify it. Like you said though if your friend married for money she deserves this type of treatment, act like a hooker expect to be treated like one. Of coarse she wants his kid, it's hard to collect child support without one and spousal support will be helped if she goes a long enough period of time without working and better if she's a stay at home Mom. Hey but if this guy lets her get away with this, more power to her, it will be his price to pay for having such a cool open relationship. If he was smart about it he should have started with a prenup and a vasectomy. Please keep us informed how this turns out, but I have already made my prediction. Link to post Share on other sites
justagirliegirl Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Those two sound like real upstanding citizens. Whoring around on each other and flaked out on drugs. I'd be embarrassed to even admit I knew them let alone be friends with them and them trying to corrupt your bf with their nonsense. Link to post Share on other sites
Author catgirl1927 Posted March 20, 2006 Author Share Posted March 20, 2006 I did NOT mean to imply that she was a whore because she was bi. That is TOTALLY not what I meant at ALL. She's a ho cause... well, cause she's a ho. I am not thrilled that I know them. They are friends of good friends who did a favor for this one guy and he won't blow him off because of it. We're all putting up with them. I agree, it is VERY embarassing. The first night I met this guy, he asked if I wanted to do some coke and come home with him and her and all four of us have sex. Classy, huh??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author catgirl1927 Posted March 20, 2006 Author Share Posted March 20, 2006 The reason I mentioned that she is bi is because she kept saying she fools around with women and that's not "real" sex. I think that's ridiculous, I've messed around with girls and it is, in fact, real sex. Quite real. Link to post Share on other sites
justagirliegirl Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 I did NOT mean to imply that she was a whore because she was bi. That is TOTALLY not what I meant at ALL. She's a ho cause... well, cause she's a ho. I am not thrilled that I know them. They are friends of good friends who did a favor for this one guy and he won't blow him off because of it. We're all putting up with them. I agree, it is VERY embarassing. The first night I met this guy, he asked if I wanted to do some coke and come home with him and her and all four of us have sex. Classy, huh??? lol I kinda figured something like that. Maybe that is why they want all 4 at the party. There are ways of avoiding people if he really wanted to. I wouldn't put up with them. What is the worst that will happen? After you and your bf get married and say you have kids...do you really want your kids around them ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author catgirl1927 Posted March 20, 2006 Author Share Posted March 20, 2006 lol I kinda figured something like that. Maybe that is why they want all 4 at the party. There are ways of avoiding people if he really wanted to. I wouldn't put up with them. What is the worst that will happen? After you and your bf get married and say you have kids...do you really want your kids around them ? We see them once every three or four months, if that. We had a party and our friend invited them. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 The reason I mentioned that she is bi is because she kept saying she fools around with women and that's not "real" sex. I think that's ridiculous, I've messed around with girls and it is, in fact, real sex. Quite real. It seems like she has an immature attitude towards sex and sexuality. Now I would bet MONEY she had some weird sexual stuff happen to her in her childhood/early adolescence. Usually the only thing that stalls out emotional growth and development in specific areas is trauma. Link to post Share on other sites
Author catgirl1927 Posted March 20, 2006 Author Share Posted March 20, 2006 I bet you're right. I met her family at her wedding, and they were really weird. That's another reason I don't cut them off, it's not that they're bad people, except for this crazy sex thing. She kept going, oh, he would NEVER cheat on me. Then she'd say, I had to follow him into the bathroom to keep this girl from having sex with him. Like SHE was responsible. I'm sorry, a guy can make a girl go away if he wants her to. She has so many problems. And she told me this other friend wouldn't talk to her any more. Link to post Share on other sites
flavius Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 So the point of this whole thread is...she's a skanky ho, they're embarrassing people, you barely tolerate them, but they are not bad people and your fiance (?) is going to LV for a bachelor party with the guy who invited you home for some blow and ho. Hey, I'm with you. My head would be spinning, too. I'd tolerate them too, just to see what was going to happen next. Life is dull no more! Link to post Share on other sites
Author catgirl1927 Posted March 20, 2006 Author Share Posted March 20, 2006 So the point of this whole thread is...she's a skanky ho, they're embarrassing people, you barely tolerate them, but they are not bad people and your fiance (?) is going to LV for a bachelor party with the guy who invited you home for some blow and ho. Hey, I'm with you. My head would be spinning, too. I'd tolerate them too, just to see what was going to happen next. Life is dull no more! That is their plan, not mine! Her idea was, that she and I would go to the bachelor party and make out with the hookers and keep the guys from having sex with them. It's almost like, cheat first so it's your idea kind of thing. They're not bad people, like they're not mean or anything. My BF doesn't know about the blow and ho. No need to go there... Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 may he should know - i mean, he needs to know what kind of people his "friends" are. Link to post Share on other sites
flavius Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 I think someone already said it, but... This chick is aiming to go down on the Catgirl, and her "husband" hasn't given up on the blow & ho. She's trying to tee you up. I can just feeeeeeeeel it coming on, Cats! Think I could be right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author catgirl1927 Posted March 20, 2006 Author Share Posted March 20, 2006 You might be right, flav. No matter what it should be interesting. You also might be right, b_o. I think I'll mention it to him. Link to post Share on other sites
flavius Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Since this is just an Internet forum........... I'm strting to like the sound of it! Link to post Share on other sites
Tenorman Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Definitely tell your boyfriend about the 'blow and ho' (ie just how full on this bachelor party is likely to be). I have no doubt that the last thing he would want is to lose you over a cheap thrill with a 'skank' but hey even the strongest and most committed guys would appreciate some forewarning of the battlezone they are about to step into and a small disapproving foreboding wave of the finger from their girl... Also if you knew about it beforehand and he finds this out later he may interpret it as you putting him under some kind of almighty s*** test and he may not appreciate that. Link to post Share on other sites
justagirliegirl Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 Definitely tell your boyfriend about the 'blow and ho' (ie just how full on this bachelor party is likely to be). I have no doubt that the last thing he would want is to lose you over a cheap thrill with a 'skank' but hey even the strongest and most committed guys would appreciate some forewarning of the battlezone they are about to step into and a small disapproving foreboding wave of the finger from their girl... Also if you knew about it beforehand and he finds this out later he may interpret it as you putting him under some kind of almighty s*** test and he may not appreciate that. yes and sometimes it's just best not to go there at all. Why start the marriage out with this potential disaster hanging over their heads when it isn't even necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 Hummmm sounds like this B party is the first step for this couple to attempt to enter into your married life. Do you really think it will just stop after the LV B party? They have some very serious issues.... would it not be lovely to have your fiance busted in LV with drugs ect in the hotel room or in a vehicle. Not worth it to have people like this in your life. Maybe in the future one of your kids will find their 8 ball or dirty needles..... sounds like a great couple to hang out with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author catgirl1927 Posted March 21, 2006 Author Share Posted March 21, 2006 yes and sometimes it's just best not to go there at all. Why start the marriage out with this potential disaster hanging over their heads when it isn't even necessary. Exactly. This is not my BF's first rodeo. He'll hardly be caught off guard. We are not 22, we are grown people with enough life experience to make intelligent choices. a4a, these people will not be my choice for babysitters. Ease up on me a little. I see them every couple of months at parties and clubs. I will not be leaving my future children at their house. Jinkies. Link to post Share on other sites
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