Sadly Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Hello Everyone, I am a new user. I was researching the 'net for some advice and found this site. I hope some one can give me a lil' help. When I was 18 yrs old I met a sweet/kind-great (at that time) guy. After a few weeks we meet, we began a long-distance relationship. Since day one until now he has been my best-friend, my everything. When ever I have a problem he is the person I turn to. As a friend he is kind... But when it comes to our intimacy, he "freaks-me-out!" We have been together for 4 and a half yrs. Since its a long distance relationship, we've only met once and we have not had sex yet. We do talk about having sex. And I do feel ready to be with him. I truely do care about him. But, when ever we are talking about having sex. He "scares" me. He likes women with lots of experience, which I dont have, Im a virgin. What freaks me out about him is that from time to time, he asks me to get some experience, he doesnt mind if im with another guy, as long as I get experience. He also wants to bring another man in bed with us. HE DOESNT MIND. I totally mind. He says it will only be a one time, its just a fantacy. But, im just not confortable with it. When ever we talk about it, and I let him know how I feel about it, he accepts that I dont want to do that. But, when ever we get in an arguement. He brings it up and gives me this line "You know how to make it up to me" -Hinting, he wants me to get experience. Now, I've become part of this dirty game. I lied........ I told him I got some experience. I ask my self, is the man I love a sick-perverted man? Why doesnt he mind the thought of me being with another person? Is it that he doesnt care about me, nor love me, and he is only using me? If he doesnt care about me then how come he keeps spending his time with me? Why doesnt he just go out with the type of girl he likes? It would hurt me very much to loose him, but its will be the best thing. I dont answer his calls, because im afraid of the new things that are going through his mind. He says he trusts me thats why he shares his fantacies with me, that im the person he wants to marry. And I Love him very much too, but I dont want to do something that I know I will later regret. Now, I ask my self.... who lacks love?? Me for holding back? or him for asking something, that to be is to much? Please, give me some advice. I dont know what to think/ do. I am going nuts!! Thank you in advance, Sadly:( Link to post Share on other sites
justagirliegirl Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Is your guy having sex with other people in these past 4 years? I would ask. All that really matters here is whether you think it is ok to bring other people into the bed or not. If he wasn't in the picture at all is this something you would do? The answer to that question is your answer about this guy. Also why is it you two have only met in person one time in 4 1/2 years? How far apart are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadly Posted March 20, 2006 Author Share Posted March 20, 2006 First of all, THANK U, for the advice. I need to clear my mind, see if im doing the right thing or not. No, I never saw my self doing this type of things. Thats why it freaks me out. Im down with "our" fantacies. Anything, that involves just the two of us:love: , but a third person??? I hope he is not having sex!! A couple of weeks ago, I asked him would he cheat on me, his reply was "no." However, im aware about the possibility of another girl. Even though, I hate to think about it. But, People are not completly honest all of the time. We are very far apart. He lives in California, I live in Florida. He insists on me going to visit him. But, I have full-time school and full-time work, I seem to never to be able to go, plus I have other personal problems. He is able to come, yet, he believes in "equality." If he came to visit me, I should go visit him and his "surroundings" L:D L Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 When I was 18 yrs old I met a sweet/kind-great (at that time) guy. After a few weeks we meet, we began a long-distance relationship. Since day one until now he has been my best-friend, my everything. When ever I have a problem he is the person I turn to. 4 years is a LONG time to invest in someone you only met once. As a friend he is kind... But when it comes to our intimacy, he "freaks-me-out!" We have been together for 4 and a half yrs. Since its a long distance relationship, we've only met once and we have not had sex yet. We do talk about having sex. Does this involve phone sex ?And I do feel ready to be with him. I truely do care about him. But, when ever we are talking about having sex. He "scares" me. He likes women with lots of experience, which I dont have, Im a virgin. He knows you are a virgin. He has always known. To suggest you get * experience * is hog wash if he cares about you. He should be the one in his own mind that should be your first . What freaks me out about him is that from time to time, he asks me to get some experience, he doesnt mind if im with another guy, He does not mind if you have sex with another guy ??? This is not even close to Loving You. as long as I get experience. He also wants to bring another man in bed with us. Bring another man into bed ? So he can play with him too ?HE DOESNT MIND. I totally mind. He says it will only be a one time,One time my _A@@_______ its just a fantacy. But, im just not confortable with it. When ever we talk about it, and I let him know how I feel about it, he accepts that I dont want to do that. But, when ever we get in an arguement. He brings it up and gives me this line "You know how to make it up to me" -Hinting, he wants me to get experience.He is using that as a crutch. Now, I've become part of this dirty game. I lied........ I told him I got some experience. I ask my self, is the man I love a sick-perverted man?You love this awful creeped out guy ? Why doesnt he mind the thought of me being with another person? Because he is sex obsessed. You getting it. You and him getting it with another guy. Is it that he doesnt care about me, nor love me, and he is only using me?He is USING YOU BIG TIME If he doesnt care about me then how come he keeps spending his time with me? He is NOT spending time with you in REAL LIFE !Why doesnt he just go out with the type of girl he likes? He probrobly is MORE than YOU know. It would hurt me very much to loose him, but its will be the best thing.The VERY BEST thing.The VERY BEST thing I dont answer his calls, because im afraid of the new things that are going through his mind. Great idea ! He says he trusts me thats why he shares his fantacies with me, He does not trust himself let alone you because this whole relationship is based on computer fantasy where you have wasted 4 years of your life with this perverted creepoid who keeps telling you what to do .that im the person he wants to marry.Thats a REAL line of CRa* ! And I Love him very much too, but I dont want to do something that I know I will later regret. No you don't love him because you have NEVER spent real QUALITY REAL LIFE time with him to know hes really a creep who wants you to sex up a stranger and he wants to watch !Now, I ask my self.... who lacks love?? Me for holding back? or him for asking something, that to be is to much?There is no love here. Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 297 Is your guy having sex with other people in these past 4 years? I would ask.I bet he is ....and probrobly met other girls on there too All that really matters here is whether you think it is ok to bring other people into the bed or not.I hope she doesnt think its okay. If he wasn't in the picture at all is this something you would do? The answer to that question is your answer about this guy. Also why is it you two have only met in person one time in 4 1/2 years? How far apart are you? Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 4 First of all, THANK U, for the advice. I need to clear my mind, see if im doing the right thing or not. You are not doing the right thing wasting your life with a cyber creep . No, I never saw my self doing this type of things. Thats why it freaks me out. Im down with "our" fantacies. Anything, that involves just the two of us , but a third person??? You should have lived your fantasies YEARS ago and back then it should have been him when you met in real life and in the same town . I hope he is not having sex!!So you really think he has not had sex in 4 years ?? A couple of weeks ago, I asked him would he cheat on me, his reply was "no."Oh sure. um No. However, im aware about the possibility of another girl. There are probrobly plenty of girlsEven though, I hate to think about it. But, People are not completly honest all of the time.Internet Dishonesty is BIG TIME We are very far apart. He lives in California, I live in Florida. He insists on me going to visit him.You have to go see him . you have to do all the work and its not going to happen and he knows it. Thus he keeps the fantasy alive and keeps you on a year hook. My God look how much of your life was wasted with this guy in 4 years. But, I have full-time school and full-time work, I seem to never to be able to go, plus I have other personal problems. He is able to come, yet, he believes in "equality." If he came to visit me, I should go visit him and his "surroundings" LHe sounds like BUllSh%$!@. I would delete his name , his memory and his whole line of bull cra@ and move on with your NEW normal life. Link to post Share on other sites
justagirliegirl Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 I agree with the other poster. This guy is a creep and not worth wasting anymore of your life on him. You are very young and shoud be out dating many different guys and having fun and seeing who is right for you. You have all your eggs in one basket with a cyber creep. The distance between cali and florida is a few hour flight and flights are pretty reasonable these days. My bf is 12,000 miles away from me and we have managed to see each other 4 times this past year. I think you should just end this and date some men in your area. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadly Posted March 21, 2006 Author Share Posted March 21, 2006 Thank U, for the advice!!!!!!!! I needed a push Link to post Share on other sites
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