does he still fancy her?

[GuestKaty]

Hi All,

 

I have thing i'd like to get off my chest, and if any of you have any advice it'd be much appreciated.

 

I'll keep this as brief as i can but it's a fairly long story...

 

I met Rob about a year ago when he started working at my office and we hit if off straight away. it turned out that he was seeing someone else, who he met on holiday after going thro a divorce of his partner of 10 years.

 

After a while he went on holiday again to see his girlfriend but not before saying that he loved me and spending more and more time with me. He came back early having ended their relationship and we pretty much jumped straight into another one ourselves.

 

It was very quick and there were feelings of his wife, his now ex girlfriend and me all being far too close together, although he never made me feel like he held torches for either of them still.

 

It's now a year and 3/4 later and he's always been open about the fact he is still in touch with his ex girl and he regularly bumps into his ex wife as they live round the corner from each other. Anyway, i caught a glimpse of an email he had sent to her (no date on it that i saw) when he was on the computer and the line went, 'thanks for the pics, in one you look very wild and sexy and marion looks kinda scared! '

 

When we got together we reorganised his room (he is staying with a friend until we find a place together and I am at university an hour and a half away) and he has kept this girls letters and cards saying ‘I miss you’ and photos. There are photos of her on the computer sent more recently.

 

I had the misfortune of borrowing (with his knowledge and permission) an old mobile phone while mine was repaired and read her texts to him and some of his to her, before I realised what had happened - my sim card was in the phone but the texts were stored on the phone not his sim, so they weren’t removed when we swapped the sim cards over. This was just after we got together and at the time I thought nothing of all this stuff because like I say, things had moved very fast and I too needed time to get rid of some of the things my ex had given me.

 

Thing is even now he has the letters etc. It is extremely likely that this is because he doesn’t look in the boxes of stuff from the first holiday anymore and has completely forgotten they’re in there… which is a good sign…

 

I also read a text from her recently and they are or were arranging to meet up on msn to chat. Although there were no kisses or any other signs of it being more than friendship, i feel awkward, like she's treading on my toes still.

 

I feel that because he slept with her (when he went to end it) and didn't tell her he'd met me until a few months after the split, he should be cutting down the communications with her not keeping the friendship going. I feel threatened because he told her in the email that she looks sexy in the picture and it's something that i personally would never say to anyone else when i am in a relationship. (over-reacting??)

 

Before i met Rob i was in a very bad relationship, frequently fighting (physically) with my partner and becoming emotionally very tired and crying all the time. He came from a different cultural and religious background to me and I accepted this and actively embraced it and his lifestyle, fitting in as much as I could and learning his first language. He was unbearable to live with or be around and on many occasions I needed to wear very high roll-necks to cover bruises and scratches. i got myself out of it and although to this day I fail to understand why the guy did those things to me and i am still very angry because he did and because i didn't get out sooner, it is in the past and i have moved on.

 

It has made me insecure in some ways though, and I’m wondering whether my need to feel special and unique and wanted above anyone else is purely because of my past experiences, and my present ones…I’ll explain.

 

I was diagnosed with diabetes when I was 9 and wasn’t able to cope with it at all and have always been having problems with control etc. My health is always a worry to me and I ended up in a coma 4 years ago because of this. After that I changed and have been grappling for control ever since, but find it very difficult to exercise and maintain any exercise regime. This means that sometimes I gain some weight and have an unusually negative reaction to it even though I have never been and am not ‘fat’. I am also wondering if these insecurities are making the issue of his ex girlfriend worse.

 

Sometimes I feel like I am a burden because Rob’s so supportive and does everything possible to help with my diabetes ad confidence and everything, and has never once given me reason to think he fancies anyone else. This is just the relationship maturing a little and I feel like I have no right to feel this way about this girl.

 

I have no problem talking to Rob about anything and everything but I would like some impartial advice from people outside the situation also. Can I have some honest opinions please?

 

Thanks,

-Katy

[max003]

if my boyfriend was in constant talks with his ex wife and girlfriend, i would be worried. why hasnt he moved on, why keep trinkets of past relationships. More than that, i would be worried about what the ex-wife and girlf are expecting to get out of this?