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can you have lust for other people if you are in love

joshua1983

By joshua1983
in General Relationship Discussion

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joshua1983 Member

joshua1983

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I'm definately in love, but sometimes I feel I have lust for other girls I know. Is that normal? I would NEVER cheat...I wouldn't even want to. It is just plain fantasies in my head....is this normal?

Guest

Guest

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Of course it is. Lust is because you're an animal just like your pet pooch and all animals are built to want to procreate. Just as your collie doesn't need to be 'in love' to feel lust, you are the same way. Don't think that lust is only possible if you love or that lust is an indicator of love. They are two very different functions.

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joshua1983 Member

joshua1983

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Hi thanks for the reply....so is it normal to be in love and lust for somebody else?? It sounds really wrong, and to be honest I figured its normal too. But sometimes I temporarily lose lust for my girl...and I have it for other ppl....but I know I'm still in love..its really weird to describe....is this normal???

 

Thanks

Lil Honey

Lil Honey

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I think of lust as a purely sexual feeling in a superficial sort of way. For me, being "in love," has more to do with the other person and being attracted to their personality and character along with the physical/sexual traits.

 

For example, you can lust after the newest, sexiest famous person and still be in love with your mate. It's not my thing, but it must be for a lot of people or the famous people probably wouldn't get so much attention.

 

But since you are lusting after other girls, this might be more of a Man Question, since I don't fantasize about anyone but my boyfriend. I just never felt the need. *shrugging*

qnmc Established Member

qnmc

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It's absolutely normal, especially for guys, as we're much more visual than females. A good way to put it is that you'll always be window shopping... just don't go in the store.

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joshua1983 Member

joshua1983

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Just one more thing. I do not know if any of you may have had this problem before. But right now I just don't lust for my girlfriend. Like she was looking really hot today, but I just didn't feel like sex. But at the same time if she wants it, I'm willing to give it to her. I've had these phases before, in fact the first time I had it, I had a panic attack. It was like "she is so hot, but I don't want her like that".

 

Anyway, I've learnt to understand that in a long term relationship, you cannot always have luts 24/7 every day, otherwise it wouldn't be much of a relationship would it. But how do I tell her I don't want it? She will either think I am over her, or that I've become gay lol. Should I do it anyway?

Touche Established Member

Touche

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Just one more thing. I do not know if any of you may have had this problem before. But right now I just don't lust for my girlfriend. Like she was looking really hot today, but I just didn't feel like sex. But at the same time if she wants it, I'm willing to give it to her. I've had these phases before, in fact the first time I had it, I had a panic attack. It was like "she is so hot, but I don't want her like that".

 

Anyway, I've learnt to understand that in a long term relationship, you cannot always have luts 24/7 every day, otherwise it wouldn't be much of a relationship would it. But how do I tell her I don't want it? She will either think I am over her, or that I've become gay lol. Should I do it anyway?

 

This is all normal. When you aren't in the mood maybe you can just tell her that but that you'd be willing to do something for her (use your imagination:p )

qnmc Established Member

qnmc

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totally normal not to always lust after your partner. the "honeymoon" phase lasts for only the first 6 months or so. what you need to concentrate on now is forging a true friendship with her. i don't know how old you are, but if you're old enough to be thinking marriage, you want to make sure this person becomes your best friend. work on making the relationship as good as it can be. check out askmen.com, especially the dating and relationships section for more info on what relationships are all about.

mental_traveller Established Member

mental_traveller

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Yeah it's fairly normal, but also you shouldn't just ignore it IMO, otherwise in a year's time your sex life will be down the drain and both of you will be tempted to try a bit on the side. Try to spice things up, go out and get drunk together, have sex outdoors, on the bonnet of your car, see if she'll go out with you without any underwear on ;) Basically try to get each other acting like a "fantasy figure" would do, that's a good way to get some heat back into the relationship.

 

IMO after a while you get used to your partner if you just do the same old stuff, so you need a bit of variety and creativity to keep the interest going. Get a little sexual tension in the air from time to time, and don't let things fade out like some couples do.

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

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It's normal. Just because one is married, or in a long term relationship doesn't mean you can't enjoy a thought or two once in a while...

 

It also doesn't mean you don't love your girlfriend any less...You do love her and are attracted to her - And that attraction just isn't as intense as it used to be. That will come in waves too! Sometimes you'll go like rabbits, want her so badly, and then there will be times when you won't - Life gets in the way, or you're too tired. The key is to have a good balance and just go with the flow...

luvtoto Established Member

luvtoto

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Well it better be normal. :D I have a major lust crush going on right now with the lead singer of Nickleback. He's not that hot, but his deep, rough voice just makes me wanna *&^%! I remain horny all day, cause I listen to his music non-stop. However, my BF reaps all the benefits!! :love:

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joshua1983 Member

joshua1983

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It has been roughly a week and I'm still feeling the same. Is this normal?? I mean I have been under a lot of work stress recently, my job is hectic at the moment. But the thing is I find myself getting giggidy all the time, and to put it nicely, I've been sorting myself out :p , but not whilst thinking about my girlfriend. I dunno if that is normal or not. I guess I'm feeling like an a**h*** for it. And if my girl asked me if i was fantasizing about other girls, I don't know if I'd admit it. I mean these are my fantasies right?, there are private.

 

 

But hmmm. I know what you guys are saying, but we are both so busy with our lives at the moment. There is no time to spice things up or whatever.

Tim'sAngel Established Member

Tim'sAngel

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It's absolutely normal, especially for guys, as we're much more visual than females. A good way to put it is that you'll always bSe window shopping... just don't go in the store.

 

 

 

WHO SAYS!! :laugh: Hello!!! Have you seen Tommy Lee?? I'll be melting to the floor when I see him until the day I die!! :love: :love:

Tim'sAngel Established Member

Tim'sAngel

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I'm definately in love, but sometimes I feel I have lust for other girls I know. Is that normal? I would NEVER cheat...I wouldn't even want to. It is just plain fantasies in my head....is this normal?

 

 

 

My bf is an independent film maker and the current one hes working on has lots of hott naked women in it. He has to have the actors and actresses over some nights and there is this one chic in particular who is so cute and sexy she makes ME horny. I'm not stupid, I know he's lusting. But hey, at night I reap the benefits cuz hes a tiger when he comes to bed ;):cool:;)

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