a4a Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 I am prepping to gut and remodel the house and cleaning out the attics, closets, and ridding this house of unwanted furnishings. Question to pose here would be: Should the family items (belonged to deceased parents) be offered to siblings of my H or since he "owns" them should we just sell them? His sisters live about 1000 miles away. They would not be picking them up soon enough (I don't think) to get the items/furniture out of our way. By offering the items to them am I opening a family fight over which of the 3 deserve them, will I end up stuck "holding them for eternity", should we just sell it all and perhaps ship some of the smaller items? They are not a tight knit family at all. They would only find out the items were disposed of if they came here to visit again (unlikely for quite some time) Is the offering just opening a big fat can of worms..... one is quite snippy... the other aloof...... only one really speaks with my H about 2 x per year. Have you dealt with this..... trying to avoid conflict. And no my H will not deal with this, it is up to me. Just trying to do the "right" thing here. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 ROFLMAO, use your formidable talent to build a shed to store the unwanted family items. When the rest of his family emerges from their private and hopefully distant battle over things they haven't seen for years maybe they will come and pick up what they want. Or you can just leave the items behind when you sell in 40 years and move to a home for elderly LS members. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 21, 2006 Author Share Posted March 21, 2006 Craig no way would I waste the cash to build a shed for crap I do not want. No am I willing to store it for them. I am actually trying to figure out if it is worth opening a possible can of worms with 3 women over furniture that I do not want in our home, stored or not. Or just get rid of it and don't mention it to any of them.....hoping it will not blow up down the road. May I ask why this is so damn funny to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 May I ask why this is so damn funny to you? Because you seem so damned intelligent girl! I thought you would have seen that this is likely a no winners allowed situation if the family is going to be fighting over the said items and then take years to pick them up if they ever do. Just send them all a note saying the items are going to be removed from your house and if they want them they have 3 months to respond and arrange (at their cost) shipping of the items to their location. At 3 months + 1 day you will be disposing of the items. If that doesn't get their attention then too bad. If they want to fight over the items tell them they can arrange at their own expense to have the items stored somewhere else while they continue their struggle privately. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 21, 2006 Author Share Posted March 21, 2006 See Craig that is my problem....... no matter what I do I am going to start a family battle, and since I am the "newbie" (no wonder H does not want to deal with this, smart man!) I do not want to put on the SIL from hell hat quite yet. So should I even bother to tell them we are purging our home of these items? Save the hassle (although several yrs ago the one sister asked about the dining room set). Or do as you say and set a time limit for pick up? Then if they don't pick up or store it...I sell it post time limit... guess who the bad guys are....never hear the end of it. I can hear it now " why can't they just hold onto it, they have spare rooms" They can afford to store it....... blah blah blah blah. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 Been there. If your hubby has no preference then sell the stuff. If you feel like you should let them know because they are family, then tell them you are selling the stuff for $$ by a certain date and you are giving them first opportunity to buy the items since they may have some sentimental value. Don't give them months though - give them a couple of weeks, and only for items that are large and/or valuable. Smaller items I would just sell. If they are breakable items and someone ever does question it - say they broke! Having said all of that I will tell you that I did not tell my sister when I got rid of some of mom's stuff. My motto at the time was "what they don't know won't hurt me" and that may be something for you to do as well. Only you and your hubby can judge the amount of 'trouble' that will ensue if you get rid of said items without their knowledge versus telling them now. You said one showed an interest in a dining room set -- just tell that one person about it and let them pay for shipping and/or buy it from you. That seems to me to be the respectful thing to do. Good luck and have fun with the remodel! I'm doing that now too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 21, 2006 Author Share Posted March 21, 2006 Hokey......... DAMN! I don't think I could ask them for money for the stuff.... ; Your "won't hurt me" cracked me the hell up. We/H and I, keep going back and forth..... "what do we do with this shyt?" I have divided and boxed up their old school papers, photos, ect. I certainly cannot just chuck those. I am going to send out an email right now to the two I have e-addys for and ask them to pass on the info. I will set a deadline after I get a response if they are even interested in the items. No sense in getting pushy with a deadline if they decide they don't want the stuff. weeeeeeeeeeeeeee! here goes nothin' Link to post Share on other sites
tlschultz Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 I dis-agree with hokey. Those items already belong to those sisters if your H doesn't want them and thats absurd to ask for them to pay for them! I also don't agree with not telling them. The sisters may not be close with your H but may still have an attatchment to those items. I say you make your H take responsibility by giving him a time frame of when the items have to go. If you still feel you have to be involved you could ask the sisters, but don't get sucked into any sort of family dispute. Tell them they have so long to arrange getting the items. You could even go as far as hauling them to a storage unit of their choice. They could pay for the unit until they could make arr. to pick the items up. Maybe just a helpful suggestion on your part, but be clear about your home not being a storage. Also, I would be sure to detach yourself from the situation by telling the sisters you only wanted to "warn" them before your H got rid of the items. You thought they might be interested. That way that don't view it as you making the decision on what happens to these things that may have value to them and their family and have nothing to do with you other than their location. And you shouldn't have to. Why is it your H ended up with all of these items if he cares so little about what happens to them to make the arr. himself? Goodluck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 21, 2006 Author Share Posted March 21, 2006 H ended up with the items as he bought out the family home and none of them were able to take the items at that time. H sold the home and moved serveral states away....... dragging the family items with him. That was several years ago. I have not had a reply from the sisters as of yet. He can set the time frame for them and finish the conversation about this with them. But unless I am involved and put my foot down I will end up with these things still here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 22, 2006 Author Share Posted March 22, 2006 How long should I wait for his sisters to make a reply to my email? I am planning on having a huge yard sale within 2 weeks..... is 2 weeks suffcient to allow a response if they do or do not want the items? Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 In one more week send them an email saything that since you haven't heard back, you assume that nobody wants the items, and they are going in the yardsale on such and such date. Then, they will either be motivated to let you know, or at very least can't complain when they go in the yard sale. Link to post Share on other sites
justagirliegirl Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 I agree give ample notice or even call them up to discuss. As for the school photos and momentos you boxed up, send them to each with a card as a lovely gift. Link to post Share on other sites
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