YesAnastasia Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 Trying to make this short...so if you need more details, just ask. Met a really great guy. We hit it off VERY well. He has the same tendencies as I...to get attached and move way to fast. Well, it was a weekly thing for him to come over on Wed. nights. I am a teacher, and he is a financial advisor...so we work ALL the time. Well, he called and said he'd had a horrible day. He was at home watching a movie...and I know this because I have to pass his house on the way home. He kept texting me that night...like normal. Everything was fine. Then at 9:00, he says, I'm sleepy, going to bed. He didn't call or anything. I said the normal stuff about "are you not gonna call?" He texted back, "sorry, sweetie, just too sleepy." He NEVER goes to sleep that early. So, I got pissed and called. His voice was slurred. He had been sitting there drinking all night. Very strange. So, of course the drunken talk comes out and he tells me that he is just afraid of some things. He's afraid of making the permanent decision and it being the wrong one...sometimes he wants to be with me, and sometimes he isn't sure. Of course, I am stunned. He is the one pushing this relationship as much if not more than me...and then he's saying he isn't sure. I asked him if he was seeing someone else...and he said "no way." But that two girls from his past...one married...had emailed him within the past week just to see how he'd been. He said everytime things start going good with him, something like that happens, and makes him question everything. Like "what if I hadn't screwed that relationship up...yada yada." So, anyway, we talked until one and I went to bed. The next night he shows up at my apartment, BEGGING me to let him prove to me that I am the one he wants to be with. He said the drunkeness made him more depressed, and he said things he didn't mean. He has been WONDERFUL for the past week since then. I mean...really. My whole deal is...should I worry about him cheating? How do I get rid of the thoughts that he may be keeping me around until someone else comes along? I don't want to think that...but I'm really not sure what to do. This girl he dated for three months (Sept-Dec) dumped him right before Christmas. She was about to graduate with an engineering degree. He was really in love with the person she was...I guess because she was so smart, and she was also from South Africa. Her parents had a big influence on her decision making...and told him that he wasn't "strong enough" for their daughter. The dad is a big influence in her culture, and he didn't seem like he would be strong enough for the responsibility. I read the break-up letter from her, and she told him that she had never known a love like that before him...but that from her standpoint it would never work. That was the last time he heard from her. I keep wondering if he is still in love with her, and what would happen if she called him back out of the blue. I'm just a teacher working on a master's in counseling. Do some people really love other's based on what they are? My credentials don't compare to hers...and obviously my brain either. I don't want to seem needy to him...but everyday I am torn with dread from wondering what's going to happen. We are both 27 years old...and I don't want to waste time and heart space on him if he doesn't really CARE for me. However, don't I need to believe him now that he is trying so hard? I really don't know what to do... Link to post Share on other sites
yawhatever Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 Does he ever mention the other girl he dated for the 3 months, did he when he was drunk? Seems to me that he's a bit scared to commit to you, this can be normal. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 However, don't I need to believe him now that he is trying so hard? I really don't know what to do... ______________________________________________________ well, any time you get in a relationship trust for some people is a very hard thing to do. i have been hurt many times, so i have learned to start off relationships with little trust, and see how my trust builds. the only way my trust builds is through the actions of my guy. this is just my theory and im not saying to do this but i do this because of my past experiences. i never go into relationships/friendships having full trust in the person. as i said, they have to build that trust. as far as being able to tell whether he will cheat, well its difficult to say "yes he will"or "no he wont" becuase you never know., you just have to play it by ear. how long have yall been seeing each other? are yall in a relationship or is it just friends as of now? has he done anything to make you not trust him? One thing i think you should do is stop comparing yourself to the girl from SA. if he is interested in you, its because of your own special qualities that make you. you should stop worrying about what if she calls , what if this happens, what if that happens, seems to me that they are finished but then again it all boils down to the fact that you just have to play everything by ear. like you said, you are 27 yrs old so i mean i know you dont have time to be playing games. but ya never know how things will turn out with anyone when you get involved so i think you should just relax, enjoy him, if it works out then thats great, if it doesnt then it wasnt meant to be. good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author YesAnastasia Posted March 21, 2006 Author Share Posted March 21, 2006 He never mentions her unless I ask...I bring it up... Link to post Share on other sites
yawhatever Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 IMO bringing her up shows him your insecurities. In general men don't like women that are jealous, pushy or insecure so maybe try not to bring her up anymore, should be best for the both of you. Otherwise it will create this emotional baggage, and distant feelings that are associated with insecurity. Link to post Share on other sites
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