hanging out with friends in a relationship

[Humble]

in this situation, I have a boyfriend(not leagally married), we have a one child together and he also has another child who lives with us. In this case I am 21 years old and my boyfreind is 31 years old. We are having an issue where if I want to go out every once in a while, sometimes two weekends in a row. When I ask him to keep our daughter he refuses. When he wants to go out I also tell him to find someone to keep his daughter. He says that I am qoute on qoute "hanging in the streets". I work 5 days a week and take care of the children(including his child)when I am not working .Keep in mind I am only 21(not an excuse, but only a fact.) He does take care of the kids after he comes from work because I work a later shift. Our conflict is, Am I entitled to have some time with my friends on some weekends. He enjoys staying in the house because he has already been there and done that, but sometimes I like to get away and hang out with my friends. I feel trapped.

[Daisy]

You're not ENTITLED to weekends with your friends. You're ENTITLED to your raise your daughter to the best of your abilities. You made some decisions in your life that resulted in the birth of your daughter. Your friends no longer matter. Weekends out on the town no longer matter. Your life now revolves around your daughter's well-being and happiness. Get your priorities straight!

 

I don't care how old you are. You could be 15 with a 2 year old daughter for all I care. I'd still say the exact same thing. Just because you're young doesn't mean you're entitled to go out with your friends. Realize that your daughter's happiness should come first.

 

If you must go out, get a baby sitter just like every other parent does.

[Kelli]

I agree 100% with Daisy. Your first commitment should be to your daughter. If you need to get out of the house why not take the kids to the park or on an outing? If your friends are TRUE friends they will understand that you cant go out every weekend because you have responsibilities at home. Regardless, it disturbs me that you seem to consider you daughter and your boyfriend's child more or less as a burden. At 21 you are old enough to realise that family is the most important thing in life. If you continue to argue with your boyfriend over this trivial matter it could have long-term affects on your child. Grow up and take care of your daughter.

[Laurynn]

Hello,

 

First of all, something you wrote really caught my attention, sorta like a big flashing neon sign..you wrote:

 

"When I ask him to keep our daughter he refuses. When he wants to go out I also tell him to find someone to keep his daughter."

 

We are talking about CHILDREN here....not Fido the Dog, or inanimate objects. Maybe the reason he refuses to watch the daughter you have together is because he doesn't want you going out on the town.....and his only way to stop you is by refusing to watch your daughter.

 

ANd what's this stuff about when HE goes out, you tell him to find someone else to keep his daughter? What the hell is she, a hamster or something? Whether she's his daughter or your own daughter, that doesn't matter. She's still a little girl who no doubt looks up to you as being her Step Mom (if you live with the guy and he has a daughter, you should darn well act like a Mom). You make it sound like because she's HIS daughter, that you don't want to look after her?

 

Sounds like you are both using these innocent children to try and get your own way with each other. That's damn sad. (he won't watch yours, so you won't watch his)

 

I totally agree w/ Daisy. Your #1 priority in life now is your CHILDREN. Going out for coffee with a girlfriend once in a while is fine, or a movie or something, but I get the distinct impression that your idea of going out with girlfriends is out to clubs/out on the town. Sorry girlie, once you gave birth to a child, you gave up your rights to be a party girl...and if you don't get your ducks in a row soon, your guy might leave you..and then you'll be a single Mom....with no babysitter.

 

L

[witchbreed]

There is some truths in the above statements, but I still think that you are entitled to some nights out - clubs included!

 

My suggestion would be to either find a good responsible baby-sitter for both your children or to look for another mum with kids and to babysit her kids one whole weekend a month and she will babysit yours one whole weekend a month, if you both need more times off, take over her kids one day a week and she your one day a week. This is a cost free arangement both parties will profit from. This way the kids are well cared for, with someone they will know for a longer time and you do have the possiblity of going out on your own - same your boyfriend - or to choose to go out togehter with your boyfriend. I would strongly suggest, that you do spend part of that "free" time together with your bf, your kids will profit from a good relationsship between the two of you too.

 

Your kids do need you, but your kids need a happy mum too. If you stay home and feel depressed for that you will not help your kids either. If none of the above works for you, go to some family counseling in your area and let them help you to find a good solution. Best luck!