Broken Engagement - back to boyfriend/girlfriend?

[jkjk2009]

This may end up being somewhat of just a vent. Nothing has changed in regards to still being dis-engaged. I'm still at a loss, but am just taking one day at a time.

 

A short discussion was held last night regarding comments he seems to kinda just throw out there without really thinking - such as:

1.You know what you should do with your fence? I think you should place a birdhouse on each post for each year you are here. Me: Really. Good idea.

2. I don't think we'll ever get married. Me: Nope. Probably not.

 

I have tried to be positive throughout the whole thing...but when you are constantly hearing negative comments, suggestions, you tend to start leaning that way also. I asked him to again please explain the dis-engagement...he said that he just wanted to make sure that I was the one...hello? Asked him if he wanted to date others....no. Am I the one? Yes. What's any different than before? well, he jumped from one relationship to another...still does not make sense to me...

 

keeps bringing up that I chose to move out...yes - but my son wanted to live with me and I jumped at the chance...wouldn't he put his children first? Yes.

 

At the beginning of this thread I had mentioned 2 issues of why I was not ready to marry:

1. My son

2. His house he shared with his X

 

I came across an interesting book that I received in the mail from Amazon yesterday - entitled: Ex-lives & Ex-wives. There is a chapter in there that talks about this very issue (living in x-wife's home). I am not crazy. I have every right to feel the way I do. And, this is the biggie: No matter what kind of re-decorating that you do...no matter if you add on...no matter if you demolish most and rebuild it will still be "hers"...if you feel that this is not your home...DO NOT MOVE INTO IT! Yikes.

 

So, now I am wondering...do I go back to this issue with him and let him know that I will not/do not intend to move into that house? I sometimes think that by dis-engaging us in the first place, that he caused me to take multiple steps backwards, as I was doing my best to get to the point of making that move...but now feel that it is impossible.

 

The hardest part is that I love this man with all my heart...we are extremely compatible - but it may not be fair to him or me for that matter as to how I am feeling now (again) about the house issue.

 

Any comments, suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks for "listening".

[jkjk2009]

Bump

Question: Do I now just let things ride or do I need to come out and tell him that I have decided not to move into the home he shared with his X?

I really hate the thought of losing him, but I cannot allow myself to give in to this...I kinda figure the ball will be back in his court as to whether in a couple of years he would consider moving or not...

 

suggestions/comments?

[jkjk2009]

I have been mulling over my situation and I believe that I have come to a conclusion: the relationship as it is is not working, there is no compromise on his part, and I am being bombarded with red flags.

 

This may have been where the perverbial straw comes in:

On Friday, June 9th, I came home from work exhausted. I knew that his daughter had a softball game and he would be home late in the evening. He called to invite me over. I declined as it was going on 8:00 and I have an elderly aunt that I take care of on Saturdays...

His comments were: Dont get mad at me when I tell you that I am tired and don't want to do something.

 

I have always given him the option of doing or not doing something as I know that he does work hard...

 

We go to the movies with his kids on Saturday...things seem strained...he drops me off afterwards...no mention of our next day together.

 

My son had his graduation on Sunday, June 11...G called me around noon and said he would not be attending...his kids did not want to go...so, I attended alone. This I am gathering was already planned on his part because I had declined doing anything on Friday night...

 

I drove out to his house Sunday evening to discuss my hurt feelings...I was there for approximately 20 minutes when he looked at me and said that if I was there to chew his butt out, I could just leave.

 

I picked up my can of pop and proceeded to my car...he followed behind me saying that if I left, to never come back and to never step foot on his property. I flung my can in his yard and got into my car...I then threw him the letter I had written him on Sunday morning (before I knew he wouldn't be going to Graduation).

 

The letter basically said that at this point in my life, I don't feel that our relationship was working out...I felt that he has not been there for me in the few times that I have really needed him. I wished him happiness.

 

We have been talking, but I don't believe that we will ever resolve these hurt feelings...

 

I still love him and this is probably the worst that I have felt in a long time...but I feel he has acted unfairly for quite some time. I wanted someone to be there for me, just as I have ALWAYS been there for him. I have always offered my support, encouragement and suggestions.

 

On a side note: I was working in my yard a couple of weeks ago, and his X drove past my house...this to me made me quit second guessing that I could live in her house...I know for a fact that I cannot - but at this point, it really doesn't matter anymore does it?