mom7201 Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 I have been divorced for one year after a 28 year marriage. It was a brutal divorce and I am still being blamed by my kids. They are grown but are controlled by my ex. They seem o not see that he broke up our family no me. He walked our and picked up with a friend and I am to believe that he was faithful all along. The kids still defend him no matter what he does to me and I am tired. I just want them to see him for who he really is and not what they want him to be. He walked out 5 years ago and I am tired of being left out of everything because he is there. What do I do. I just want to be treated with respect because he was never there for the kids I was they seem to forget that. lynn Link to post Share on other sites
whispering_jojo Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 I know Just what you are feeling, My children blame me! Im in Texas and He is in Florida! Its my falt! I left there Father, after 23 years ,,of abuse,this is not what they understand,after two years now (our) son still wont talk to me ,if he does it's not nice. I fell TIME will change that...hold on! one day they will see the Truth! Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 i am not an expert but i think both of you guys could possibly have dysfunctional children, because they grew up in a broken home. now it's not the typical broken home because both parents lived there, but the emotional abuse they were exposed to makes it broken. this abuse is all they know. i don't think you can do anything about them right now. when they have failed relationships, they may seek help and realize how things truly were. but i don't think you can do anything but wait and hope that they will come to appreciate you both as they should. the only thing you can do is get help yourselves, on how to deal with the pain of the past (exH) and the present (children). good luck to you both. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 I have a few questions for you. How do you charecterize your ex to your children? Ive found the best thing to do is not to discuss the ex at all in negative terms.People have a hard time faulting someone who is "over it " and has moved on with their life .It sounds as if your ex has ,ie. has a new relationship, what are you doing with yorself now? Link to post Share on other sites
lulu2go Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 Well... I came from a broken/dysfunctional home and just thought you could do with some confirmation that your children will make up their own minds in time. I totally agree with amaysngrace. Your children may need to go through their own experiences to see you and their father from different perspectives. I've been seperated from my ex now for just over a year, we have 2 children together. It hasn't been an easy time for me but amongst other things I have gained more of an understanding of my parents. Since then I have seen them in another light, i no longer think my mother is completly nuts, shes just human and she has her hurts and they are justified, shes my mother and i love her for that. Although my father is a very successful businessman and has great influence in his community, I see through that now. Your children will come around, don't worry. Just stick to not talking about their father at all and if you can't avoid it, make sure that there are no negative undertones. This will only delay them in seeing things for themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 lulu2go, you are hope for these women. i'm sorry for what you have been through and are going through still. i know it sounds foolish, but in the long run you will be a wiser, more together person for all you have endured. and you will probably be a very good role model for your children. i hope things work out for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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