magnoliacup Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 Hi, guys My boyfriend and I have our differences and we have problems with each other sometimes like any other couples, but he just dropped a bomb on me today. He says that he just emailed his most recent ex, making a promise that he'll have lunch with her when he goes home in about a month or so(He's from Cananda, and I'm going over there with him to see his family). They dated for 6 months before him breaking up with her because he thought she wasn't "right" for him. The thing is, this woman was emailing him and callilng him, telling him that she wants him back and she feels like she's cheating on him when she's with someone else. According to my boyfriend, her attempt to getting him back stopped when he told her that he got a girlfriend(me). They're still in contact, every now and then, and I strongly suspect that she still has feelings for him. When being told that he's having lunch with her, I asked him whether she is aware of my existance......the answer was NO. He hasn't told her that we are still together, or we're serious about each other, because he claims that telling her those would be rubbing salt on an open wound if she still has feelings for her. I don't want to appear like an insecure cry-baby, but it really makes me nervous. He said that if I were in good terms with my exs and if I wanted to see them, he wouldn't have any problem. Please advise me what to do..... Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 , I asked him whether she is aware of my existance......the answer was NO. . Huge red flag here........ He seems to care more about rubbing salt in her wounds that slapping you in the face. Link to post Share on other sites
Author magnoliacup Posted March 22, 2006 Author Share Posted March 22, 2006 I spoke to him a little bit about the problem, and he doesn't seem to think it's that big of a deal. I told him that he's being disrespectful, but he thinks that if he had been, then he wouldn't have told me about it at all and just went to see her. You're right....it's a red flag, but then what do I do? Or am I just being paranoid? Should I ease up? Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 Dump him like a bad habit. He doesn't care about your feelings or he would tell her. Isn't he dating you why care about her getting hurt and not you. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 It sounds to me that he is considering going back to her.. No matter what he tells you he is lying.. he is lying to you. I think you need to do a preemptive dump .. he is getting ready to dump you if the meeting goes well. And if he doesn't dump you after the meeting then he will continue to look for a replacement for you.. He just isn't into you..If he was he would've blown her off and told her he was with someone and didn't want to disrespect you. Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 It sounds to me that he is considering going back to her.. No matter what he tells you he is lying.. he is lying to you. I think you need to do a preemptive dump .. he is getting ready to dump you if the meeting goes well. And if he doesn't dump you after the meeting then he will continue to look for a replacement for you.. He just isn't into you..If he was he would've blown her off and told her he was with someone and didn't want to disrespect you. Totally agree with you Art she is going to get hurt thinking nothing is going on!! Please dump him before he dumps you . Link to post Share on other sites
onlyhuman Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 Your not not being insecure. He would rather disrespect your feelings and lie about his status to his ex, he's pushing the envelope with you. It would have been nice if he could at least be honest with you about his real feelings and intentions.Its amazing how some people will make up a story that makes no sense at all to fit their needs, Then they believe it themselves and try to sell it to you. If you can't make him understand how this is wrong your out of luck, it will be for the better.I'm sorry if your hurt but things could be a lot worse. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 I agree with everyone else. The fact that he won't tell her about you says that he's either trying to get back at her, which means he's scheming and mean, or he's testing the waters to see if he maybe wants her back. I say run for the hills. Link to post Share on other sites
yawhatever Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 Yeah for sure, that whole thing about rubbing salt in the wound yea right he is being sneaky with you and probably wants her back or keep her around once your gone or something, seems he dosn't wanna burn that bridge. Stop seeing him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author magnoliacup Posted April 4, 2006 Author Share Posted April 4, 2006 Thank you all for your advice. I confronted him and told him that the situation makes me really uncomfortable and I would at least want him to tell her my existance and how serious we are. After a few days later, he told me that he sent an email to her, telling her that he's going home with me and since we're settling down together, he will be spending most of his time with me but he'd like to get together with her to catch up. I didn't tell him not to see her because I didn't want to come across as a controlling, jealous girlfriend. He also assured me that he has no interest in getting back together with her and he's not even the slightest attracted to her. He also said that because they've explored each other and he's realized she's not what he wants, there's nothing for me to worry about. .....do you guys still see the danger? He's so convincing( he's really good at convincing people) that I'm thinking, maybe he's telling the truth...... or is that just wishful thinking? Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 Thank you all for your advice. I confronted him and told him that the situation makes me really uncomfortable and I would at least want him to tell her my existance and how serious we are. After a few days later, he told me that he sent an email to her, telling her that he's going home with me and since we're settling down together, he will be spending most of his time with me but he'd like to get together with her to catch up. I didn't tell him not to see her because I didn't want to come across as a controlling, jealous girlfriend. He also assured me that he has no interest in getting back together with her and he's not even the slightest attracted to her. He also said that because they've explored each other and he's realized she's not what he wants, there's nothing for me to worry about. .....do you guys still see the danger? He's so convincing( he's really good at convincing people) that I'm thinking, maybe he's telling the truth...... or is that just wishful thinking? I also have a very charismatic boyfriend who is really good at arguing and convincing people he is right. He told me this as well. I finally just took a deep breath and decided to trust him. So far, so good. I did tell him that everyone in my life, not just romantic partners but everyone, has always betrayed me and it was very, very hard for me to trust. But that it isn't right to punish him for something he hasn't yet done. So, I'm just kind of hoping for the best. I'm sorry, that's really not very good advice, is it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author magnoliacup Posted April 5, 2006 Author Share Posted April 5, 2006 Thank you, catgirl. I think that is a good advice especially coming from someone who also has a charismatic boyfriend. Nothing has happened yet, and apparently, he hasn't received an email back from his ex. It's true that I open myself to disappointment and possibly heatbreak by trusting people, but I guess that's the risk you take..... Link to post Share on other sites
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