Guest Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 My fiance and I are getting married in September and we have 3 bridesmaid and ushers. The ushers will be providing their own suits for the wedding but the bridesmaids have so far failed to offer to pay for their bridesmaid dresses. I always thought that the bridesmaid paid for their own outfit. What is traditionally correct with regards to this as I don't earn enough to cover the cost for buying dresses for all of them and don't know what to do. Do i ask one of them to step down from their duties? I'd love them all to be involved with the wedding but with all the other costs i have to cover buying 3 extra dresses ontop is just too much. Help! Any advice would be really appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 the bridesmaids have so far failed to offer to pay for their bridesmaid dresses. I always thought that the bridesmaid paid for their own outfit. What is traditionally correct with regards to this . The bridesmaids are supposed to pay for their dresses and the groomsmen their rentals. If none of them have ever been in a wedding before, maybe they don't realize that it's part of the bridesmaid duty to pay for her dress. Which means the bride shouldn't pick out the most expensive dress possible for her bridesmaids! Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 The bridesmaids are suppossed to pay for their own dresses. Maybe they haven't offered because they assume that they are paying. Ask your maid of honor about it. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 Bridesmaids traditionally pay for their dresses. When I got married I paid for them as my bridesmaid gift and then gave them little things on the wedding day, instead of a fancier bridesmaid gift. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 In the UK it's actually ususally the Bride & Groom that pay for the bridemaids dresses...!! (Presuming they're paying for the wedding!) Link to post Share on other sites
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 In the UK it's actually ususally the Bride & Groom that pay for the bridemaids dresses...!! (Presuming they're paying for the wedding!) I agree. The bridesmaids are doing you a favour. This is YOUR special day, not theirs. Why should they have to pay? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 This is YOUR special day, not theirs. Why should they have to pay? Because you are already spending a ton o' bucks on meals, etc. And because that's how it's done in North America. Which is why you don't agree to be a bridesmaid unless you're prepared to pay for the dress. Link to post Share on other sites
mitchilicious Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 yeah i agree too the bride and the groom are the one who pay for the dress. but if u have no budget u can buy the cloth/linen and they are the one to bring it in the dressmaker and they can suggest what design they want coz its not necesarrily that the design is the same:) Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Traditionally, bridesmaids pay for their own dresses, and the bride buys the jewellry and clutch etc. <i>But</i> those rules should be appropriately flexible when the bride expects a major production for her and insists the maids wear something the price of international holiday. Still, tradition is for those in the know. Most people who haven't been involved in a wedding before are likely to assume that the bride pays for the maids' dresses. So, if you haven't reached agreement with the maids in advance, then you may well end up choosing between having to pay or loosing your friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Minnaar Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Here is a link to a standard Bridal Etiquette site. http://www.brides.com/planning/qanda/budget/?eb_budgetbmfaq.html Many Q&A's answered there. Minn<3 Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Or http://www.net-weddings.co.uk/Etiquette/etiquettemenu-weddingcost.shtml for the UK, as there are differences. Link to post Share on other sites
Blind Illusion Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 I never realized that there were cultural differences-I always thought that the bridesmaids pay for the dresses. Mine did. I did let them chose something themselves though, figuring that they were paying for it. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 The things you learn eh!! I was quite shocked to hear that bridesmaid have to pay for their dresses out there!! I'll remember that if I ever get invited to be a bridesmaid for one of the LS girls in the US!! Link to post Share on other sites
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Because you are already spending a ton o' bucks on meals, etc. And because that's how it's done in North America. Which is why you don't agree to be a bridesmaid unless you're prepared to pay for the dress. Once again, it doesn't matter how much you're spending, because it's YOUR wedding, and if you can't afford it, have a wedding you can afford while not being cheap with your bridesmaids. Link to post Share on other sites
scarletletter Posted March 25, 2006 Share Posted March 25, 2006 I have always paid for my own bridesmaid dress. It is a tremendous honor to be asked to be a bridesmaid but it is also quite expensive. With all of the showers, etc., it can get pricey. In one case that I know of, the brides parents bought all of the tuxes and dresses because the attendants were all young college kids and she thought it would be a nice thing to do. They also are like gazillionaires so I guess it wasn't a problem. Traditionally, when you are asked to be a bridesmaid, you are taking on a commitment and you should pay for your own dress. It would be an uncomforable situation, but you need to talk to them all and tell them before anyone gets their feelings hurt. It could just be a simple misunderstanding. Link to post Share on other sites
Guesttoo Posted March 25, 2006 Share Posted March 25, 2006 Once again, it doesn't matter how much you're spending, because it's YOUR wedding, and if you can't afford it, have a wedding you can afford while not being cheap with your bridesmaids. It's not about 'being cheap'. It's how it's done. It's tradition. It's what everybody does. Period. You can balk all you like but the point is that the bride's family is already paying for EVERYTHING ELSE so to buy a dress is not a big deal. IMHO, though, nobody should expect elaborate shower gifts or wedding gifts from the bridesmaids. BTW, it's also tradition to give the bridesmaids and groomsmen presents for their participation so it's not like they go away empty-handed. Link to post Share on other sites
No Stress Lady Posted March 26, 2006 Share Posted March 26, 2006 As LittleKitty said, and certainly in my experience, in the UK the bride pays for the bridesmaid's dresses - I didn't realise it was different in the US either!!!!!!!!!! It's generally also the case that the bridesmaids are given a gift by the bride and groom - the bridesmaids will also purchase wedding gifts for the newly-wed couple. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 26, 2006 Share Posted March 26, 2006 in the UK the bride pays for the bridesmaid's dresses But does the bride's family also pay for the rest of the wedding? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 29, 2006 Share Posted March 29, 2006 It's not about 'being cheap'. It's how it's done. It's tradition. It's what everybody does. Period. You can balk all you like but the point is that the bride's family is already paying for EVERYTHING ELSE so to buy a dress is not a big deal. IMHO, though, nobody should expect elaborate shower gifts or wedding gifts from the bridesmaids. BTW, it's also tradition to give the bridesmaids and groomsmen presents for their participation so it's not like they go away empty-handed. Uh, no. If you've been reading any of the other posts, you'd realize that in other parts of the world, it's done differently. Contrary to populat belief, the United States is NOT the entire world. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 Uh, no. If you've been reading any of the other posts, you'd realize that in other parts of the world, it's done differently. Contrary to populat belief, the United States is NOT the entire world. No need to be tiresome. Obviously I was talking about custom in North America. Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 Uh, no. If you've been reading any of the other posts, you'd realize that in other parts of the world, it's done differently. Contrary to populat belief, the United States is NOT the entire world. So, what we need to know to gauge the advice, is where the original poster lives, as it has been clearly established that different communities have different traditions. Link to post Share on other sites
ImWithHim Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 Well, the only wedding I have ever been a bridesmaid in, we did not pay for our dresses because the brides mother was a seamstress (sp?) and made them all. I was unaware bridesmaids were expected to pay for them because everyone I have ever known has just chalked it up to wedding expenses. While I'm sure there are some of have offered to pay along the line, all those that I know personally that have gotten married have paid for the dresses. And IMHO, that's how it should be. ETA: I'm in the US. Link to post Share on other sites
ladyinwaiting Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 I've been a bridesmaid three times - twice in Australia and once in the US. I paid for my dress each time. The bride paid for shoes, jewelry and hair and make-up on the day. On each of those three occasions it was agreed that we would pay in advance so there was no confusion. We got the first and the final say on the dresses, and the bride was reasonable when it came to price. For that, I am grateful. It is a tremendous honour to be asked to be a bridesmaids, and I imagine that most women would be more than happy to pay a little for the privilege. However, the bride's friends should not have to bankrupt themselves for her special day. If somthe bride wants her maids in Vera Wang, I think she should be prepared to chip in. It's only polite. Link to post Share on other sites
slinkysu Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 righto - for some reason it posted me as Guest when i am already registered on this site (?) but I am from the UK and it looks like our etiquette states that the bride buys the dress - although again this is also confusing as apparently in days of yore, the bridesmaid's families would buy the dress or material and the bridesmaid would make their dress. I guess i am resigned to buying the dresses, although i have asked that bridesmaids buy their own shoes. If i had to do my wedding planning all over again i would have just taken my fiance and sneaked off and got married on our own! Thanks for all your advice and comments. Although i would say to the person who posted that "Bridesmaids are doing you a favour by being involved in your day" that it is not a "favour" to be a bridesmaid - it is an "honour". A favour is going and picking up someone's dry-cleaning. An honour is to be considered as close as family and one of a few hand picked people to truly get to share in one of the most precious and intimate days of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Once again, it doesn't matter how much you're spending, because it's YOUR wedding, and if you can't afford it, have a wedding you can afford while not being cheap with your bridesmaids. You're arguing with traditional ettiquette? Nowadays, people do what they want, but traditionally, bridesmaids and bride goorms pay for their own attire, and the bride and groom purchase gifts for them as a thank you. If you're not a complete oaf, the gifts are often more expensive than the attire. Link to post Share on other sites
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