Why is he rushing me??

[Guest]

Been separated about six weeks now after almost 25 years of marrriage.

My husband is an alcoholic. Over the last several years the trust for him has diminished due to the drinking, hiding cans, taking money, taking checks, nad of course all the LIES! He told me MANY times he had stopped drinking over the years, but of course didn't. The final point came when I stopped at his job and saw him drinking with the "guys". So, at that time I told him I had enough, I wanted a divorce. He started AA, although I still felt he was drinking. Infact I KNOW he was.

Then, I suggested separation so he could decide what he wanted and I could decide what I wanted. I figured when he left, I would be heartbroken.want him back.cry! I've been going to counseling, alanon occasionally.and I DON"T miss him! I'm more relaxed actually! My counselor says I'm "codependant"....and I started reading about it and yes I know I am..

My problem is this..he calls the house to "talk"..and is all manipulative, trying to make me feel guilty. and he is Always saying I miss you and I love you.and I want you back! He expects me to respond the same way.although I have told him I can't say those things from the heart. He called again today, asked me "if I've decided anything yet?" I told him I didn't want to "do this right now"........He said, "He just keeps hoping". At this point if he needs an immediate answer, it's I don't want him back. Why is he pushing me?? I've asked him in other calls if he realizes how much he's hurt me over the years with all the lies. He responds with, "you can't say we haven't had any good times in the past 25 years". Of course we have, but also many bad over the past five years! He refuses to see it has been that long, he thinks its been a "few months".... He tells me he goes to AA every night, and that he has been sober, although I do Not believe it. I have told him How I need time to heal and see if I can ever trust him again........Infact I told him just a few days ago, I have zero trust for him. But he figures, being he is going to AA all is A-OK.but it's NOT!

Can anyone give me any advice on how to respond to his calls? When he says he loves me etc.I say "have a good night"..When he pushes me, it makes me feel like, "I'm keeping him hanging".....After the time we've been apart, should I have had "some kind of sad feeling?, some feeling of loss?"

God knows I don't want to keep him hanging........I don't want to be unfair to him if there's no hope of us getting back together.....BUT, right now I don't know how I fell.As I basically fell NOTHING when it comes to him. I actually get sick to my stomach when I have to talk to him any more..be it nerves or whatever. I look at the caller ID and don't want to talk if it's him. But when my kids are here, they hand me the phone.

Any advice on this? Thanks!