max003 Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 I have been with my boyf for a year and a half now. we used to have great sex, but now all i get is a once a week quickies. I have a healthy sex drive and i have needs, it is making me so unhappy that he wont touch me. The most i get is a kiss on the cheek when he comes home. If i try to kiss him he either moves his head away or tells me to stop it. I do love him, but i cant continue like this, either he starts wanting me again or i'll find someone else who does Help!! Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 Try talking to him about your needs at a time when you aren't being sexual, or when you're wanting sex. Talk about it at some neutral time, be open and honest, don't accuse, make it about how you feel and what you need. Link to post Share on other sites
IrishCarBomb Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 Surprise him in a french maid outfit. Someone has to break the routine sex. If that doesn't work... leave. He may have already found a new girlfriend anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
Author max003 Posted March 22, 2006 Author Share Posted March 22, 2006 i have tried telling me, i have been begging for it for monthes! once i tried to surprise him after he came home from work, and he didnt notice! I know he's not seeing anyone else, he's a lazy git who's forcing me into unnatural celebacy! Link to post Share on other sites
cathrun Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 Lose him. It just gets worse. Why else do you think I'm sitting here in this forum after 15 years of marriage? My husband is more than happy with sex every 3 weeks...that's all. And I always thought it was my fault, but it's just his sex drive, he admits it. Link to post Share on other sites
babbah Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 im sorry to hear that...but according to his actions he seems to have a very HUGE problem....maybe he has found another, of course he's not going to tell you...but this is usually the commom attitude of people who got bored with their relationship and starting to try and look for another.... you need to talk. ask him straight on his face..you have all the right to know what is going on with him. goodluck to you. *hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 hey im sorry for the situation you are in. I have also been with my bf for a year and a half and we are kinda havin the same problem. We used to do it all the time but lately it hasnt been that much and im not sure why. We went from doing it like 3 or 4 times a week to once or twice almost every two weeks. It really makes me feel unwanted or something, but since we first got together, our relationship has grown more emotionally when at first it was just mainly physical. It seems like he is substituting sex with cuddling and just kissing or playing around. I'm not trying to sound like all i want to do is "do it" but I have needs that I want met and im just really wondering what is wrong with him. How can a person go from wanting it all the time to wanting it hardly at all? It upsets me and I have talked to him about it but he says hes tired because of his job (he works all day), but since when does that make a difference in men??? It makes me mad becuase its like he will initiate it , but then when i go to .. ya know... its like he pulls back and says "man. im tired". but he will mess around and tease me but then he does nothing. UGH! oh im also pregnant (8 months), but that reason never stopped him before so i feel its no excuse. I guess he has alot on his head or something. In your situation, it seems as if your man doesnt want to be physical with you. When you go to kiss him he pulls away? i dont know whats up with that. maybe he has alot on his mind. Have there been any recent changes in yalls relationship, or anything he is going through? I think you reallly need to talk to him. Alot of people are telling you maybe he found someone else... well you really cant base that on how much sex or physical attention you are getting. My bf cheated on me a long time ago(all is forgiven i guess) and when he was cheatin on me we were having sex like ALL THE TIME. So dont jump to conclusions about "maybe he found someone else". Just talk to him about it, see how long this lasts, and if you get too fed up i guess youll have to take action and find someone who fullfills your physical needs. Hope everything goes well with it!! Link to post Share on other sites
yawhatever Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 I dont know maybe something about ur physical appearance or smell? Dress nice n smell good & see what happens. I havent had sex w/ my gf for 2 months but we do make out & have oral sex but she dosn't want to have sex with me for some reason.. wierd. I smell nice n look good for her but it dosnt work fully. Let me know if it works for u cuz guys like physical alot. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 Sounds strange. Are you guys still spending the same amount of time together? He could have someone else on the side. Or, there could be something up with him that's reducing his drive. I'd talk to him about it first, but keep an eye out. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 Maybe try backing off a bit. Change your behavior. You're not getting much results by continuing to go to him, or inciate it are you? You get the cold shoulder pretty much right? Then stop what you're doing. Don't inicate a thing. If he is not interested, then hes just not. Why should you continue to put forth the effort to try if hes not? Hes not interested in sex with you right now for whatever reason, so don't inicate it. Will it make things worse or better? Who knows, but by you stopping what you're doing perhaps it will spark him to wonder whats up. If so, then you both can go from there and talk about the matter. If he is not phased by it, then move on. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Author max003 Posted March 23, 2006 Author Share Posted March 23, 2006 Im fairly certain its not my smell or appearance, and we spend the same amount of time together so i know he's not seeing anyone else. Seriously he is just too bloody lazy! I feel really sorry for the lady stuck in 15 years of passionless marriage, and i never want that to happen to me. I have tried everything, ive told him how unhappy it makes me and all he can mumble is that he's tired. im tired, but i want to make an effort. We're supposed to be living together and it feels like im living in dorms with people i barely know. i have tried to warn him, when he's come home i've put a talk show on the tv and their discussing infidelity and all the women are saying that their men just dont satisfy, and he doesnt seem to notice. I've been sleeping on the couch for the last few days, he hasnt missed me in bed. i make an effort, he doesnt notice. i go out all night and i dont come back until the morning and he doesnt notice. i could die behind the sofa and he wouldnt notice until the smell was overwhelming! Is this it? Is this the best we can hope for? Then someone please tell me the point!?! Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 "I have been sleeping on the couch for the past few days, he hasn't missed me in bed." "I make an effort, he doesn't notice." "I go out all night and come in the morning, and he doesn't notice." Time to move on hun. You're in this relationship by yourself. No one wants or needs that. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Author max003 Posted March 23, 2006 Author Share Posted March 23, 2006 true, i guess Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 its kinda funny to me. lol it seems when we post threads to get advice, we get so many different kinds of advice and that leaves us in the same position we were in before we posted haha. still confused as hell. it is nice though, to be able to get insight, some things we never thought of before, some things we dont want to hear or need to hear because every relationship and everyone is different. Some people are telling you to leave him, some are telling you that he may have someone else, some are telling you stay to see how things go. Personally, I think you should act towards him how he acts towards you. dont try to make any moves and hopefully hell realize hes losing you. What none of us know is how are yall besides the sex? you say yall are together all the time, well does he still seem interested in you ? im not talking about physically interested but just interested period. do yall still have fun together? do yall still have conversation? do yall have a good relationship? ect. If all this is still going strong, then i dont really see a reason to leave him.I dont feel that not getting sex is a legitimate reason to stop seeing him if you say he is being faithful then i mean as long as every thing else is going ok im sure youll be fine. it may be just a phase he is going through Link to post Share on other sites
Author max003 Posted March 24, 2006 Author Share Posted March 24, 2006 Well, this morning we had it all out. There were some things going on at his work place that he didnt want to tell me about, i lost my job a couple of monthes back and im stressed that i cant find anouther (not that i really want a job, just the money), he didnt want to tell me because he thought it would just make me feel worse. thats all good, but then i asked him why he never wants to get close, not sex, just kissig in front of the tv or something. He said he knows i associate sex with intimacy, and when he says no he's not rejecting me- im not sure i can accept this. If he knows it, why still no? i do things for him i dont like, but i do them to make him happy. i told him to make more of an effort. i wonder what will happen now? thanks for all the advice, a different perspective helps, and i wouldnt have had the courage to pin him down for a "talk". to be honest, i still dont know what to do, i love him more then anyone else, he's my best friend and i cant imagine myself with anyone else, but somethings still missing.... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 i dont really know what else to say about this thread . I know how disappointing it is to want to be intimate but your mate not feeling the same way at a certain point in time. If you love him then i guess just wait it out, specially if all other aspects of the relationship are going well. I know you must be dying inside though cuz i been in this situation before. it made me feel unwanted and everything. Its not even really about getting some, its mostly about feeling close adn sharing the most special moment with the one you love. maybe explain that to him. But he needs to know that you have needs that need to be met. Lets say yall got married, would you really wanna spend the rest of your life with your husband not fullfilling your needs? that would be terrible. if it doesnt change soon, maybe take a break. i dont know what to say anymore. sorry it hasnt changed for you though!! i hope things change for the better though Link to post Share on other sites
MadDog Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 I just have to know, who the hell are these guys that only need sex once a week or every few weeks? I assumed most guys are like me and would want it at least once a day, more on the weekends. MD Link to post Share on other sites
prfrogkisser Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Ive always said communication is very important in any type of relationship. If you want to find out questions just ask. Men are so difficult to figure out and not all of them are the same. Im so glad you got him to talk. Just take it day by day and try (i know women have a hard time with this) not to worry. Good Luck!! Thank God the men I meet like it as much as I do. Sexual equality is so important. Your situation would drive me up the wall:p Link to post Share on other sites
Author max003 Posted March 24, 2006 Author Share Posted March 24, 2006 he's a little bit older then me, so he's not a hormone ravaged teenager, but still he should have the biological need to spread his seed, so to speak. to be honest we didnt really sort that issue out, he just said it wasnt me, no promises to try harder. i cant remember the last time he kissed me properly, ive been living with pecks on the cheek for weeks. Gay men have given me more than that. i feel horrible because i have needs that arent being met. there is no way things can continue like this. i have cheated on previous partners, but i dont want to do that to him- so instead i have to be unhappy, isnt there any other way? Link to post Share on other sites
MadDog Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 i cant remember the last time he kissed me properly, ive been living with pecks on the cheek for weeks. Gay men have given me more than that. i feel horrible because i have needs that arent being met. there is no way things can continue like this. i have cheated on previous partners, but i dont want to do that to him- so instead i have to be unhappy, isnt there any other way? Wow. That's the ultimate sign that your relationship is in trouble--when gay guys have satisfied you more than your current guy. I think you have two options at this point: 1. The easy way (guaranteed to work): dump him, find someone else. 2. The hard way (much less likely to work): talk to him, see what's wrong, hope he changes. Which option you choose is dependent on how patient you are and how much preserving this relationship means to you. In either case, good luck. MD Link to post Share on other sites
Vertex Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 I envy all these men with sexually aggressive girlfriends/wives... it's sad when the man doesn't have a drive because I feel like, pick me pick me!! max003: I'd say move on -- this guy doesn't seem like he will change anytime soon. Link to post Share on other sites
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