Difficult life changing decision

[Daisy]

Hello, I am in a difficult situation right now. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 yrs, and we have been living together for about 2 1/2 yrs. We live alone in a city with no family; our family lives 6 hrs. away. The problem is that my feelings are changing. Actually, they have changed completely. We had always had a problem in our relationshiop regarding affection, and because he does not want to go out, explore this city, and have fun outdoors.

 

I hate being cooped up in our apartment on the weekends, but most of all my feelings have changed towards him. I do not feel like I am in love with him anymore.

 

I've tried to resolve things w/him, telling him that I am not happy and I think we should get out more. He said Ok but things haven't changed, I feel like they are not going to change.

 

So I brought up the option of me moving out. I do not want to be in a relationship anymore, I want to explore life and feel independent, and that also includes seeing other people. I don't have any romantic feelings towards him anymore-this he doesn't know. He really wants me to stay and work things out, but I just don't even want to try anymore. The ironic thing is that for a long time I had fallen hard for him, I was so in love, I wanted to get married (he wasn't ready yet) and I wanted nothing more but to be w/him. But I have come to a realization that I wanted to get married for the wrong reasons. I was scared of being alone and insecure about myself (I felt like I was abandoned when my dad died of cancer when I was 15). I am 19 yrs. old now. Now all of a sudden he wants what I wanted and we are not in the same place of thinking. So about moving out, it is nearly impossible since I don't know many people here in this city, and I don't have a roommate to move in with-and I do not make enough to live on my own. Maybe if I take a second job. I don't know if I want this for the wrong reasons, I am confused I feel like I might never be satisfied with my life, so maybe I should try and work things out with my boyfriend.

[Daisy]

So what exactly is your question? Maybe you just needed a place to organize all your thoughts ... who knows.

 

In any event, this is why, at the age of 17, you shouldn't have moved in with him. Feelings change all the time. Especially in relationships. Get yourself a second job if you feel you have to. Do you have a friend you could stay with for a little while until you get yourself on your feet? Couldn't you move back home?

 

There's not much else I can say. You seemed to have an answer for all your problems in your post.

[midori]

I'm not one of the techno-savvies who can determine if the same person is posting as multiple people or not. It looks like you just posted an answer to your own question but I'm going to assume that's a mistake or a coincidence.

 

Anyway here's what occurs to me:

 

1. You're very young. Probably too young to be living with your boyfriend, period. You *should* be getting out and experiencing the world and dating people. Your instinct on that front is sound.

 

2. Staying in a relationship out of convenience is never ever the right choice. Check the classifieds of your city, there are always people looking for roommates. Right now I'm living with two people I met through a roommate search service and it's a good situation. If you're in a larger city there might well be such a service you could use. Look online: try roommateconnection.com, for example.

 

3. Your boyfriend is not going to change. He's not going to miraculously become an engaging, adventurous partner. You've been trying to talk to him about the ways you're dissatisfied for a while and he hasn't responded positively. Even if he says he wants to work it out -- and he might, in theory -- he doesn't sound ready to make the necessary changes.

 

4. You're very young. You've got your whole life ahead of you. Don't waste it on a relationship that's going nowhere.

[sparkle]

MOVE OUT IMMEDIATELY. No if's, and's, or but's about it. No matter how difficult it will be for you to move out and get accustomed to it, you NEED to do it. And you CAN do it.

 

That will clear up most of your problem right there.

 

And when you do move out, you can start going out, meeting people, making friends, hanging out, doing things...etc.

 

19 is way too young for you to be stuck inside an apartment on the weekends with a lazy boyfriend. Go out and have some fun. Remember though, things won't get better unless YOU do something about it...until you move out...until you break up with this guy.