Why are things the way they are?Please read this

[BxMami]

Hello I am not in a very good or should I say happy situation right now so I might sound a lil bit wired and this all might confuse you but I am sorry I am just pretty upset.

 

Anyway me and my b/f have been going out for not to long now by the way we are both from New York and our lives have changed a lot about 11 days before the crash in the WTC buldings.His Uncle past away, so well his whole family was kinda sad and everything. His Mom was very upset and didn't let him do much or even talk on the phone and he is 18 she just yelled at him no mata what he did, and there was a time where I was in Yonkers and couldn't see him and he couldn't even be on the computer when she was around or wake for more than 20 min and she would start. Sometime we are talking on the phone and she just like yell at him and I have to get off the phone w him and of course it's pissing me off.

 

I mean we communicate well but it's like we communicate more through 2way pagers than anything else right now we send about 100 messages back and forth like all the time.

 

But well then on the 11th he went to school I talked to him the day before and everything was cool, well and at like 9 our teacher told us what had happen I totally freaked out b/c he goes to school like very close to where it had happen and also my uncle aunt my friends there friends where around there too so I was very freaking out. I come home at like 8 b/c all the subways didnt work and I couldn't call him b/c my cell phone wasn't working and his pager wasn't working and his phone wasn't too.

 

But then at like 9 I got a hold of him and I was just so happy he was fine and he had told me what had happen and how scared he was and all, but then he had to leave to visit his grandfather who is very sick right now but promised me he will come online that night.

 

But he did not and also I was very worried b/c my uncle and aunt I have not heard from them I was just going crazy and I couldn't go outside. Well, the next day I as totally freaking out I mean I was crying so much b/c I finally got a hold of my aunt who knew 10 people in there and also her b/f was there and she was stoked in NJ she was very upset and I liked her b/f a lot so of course I broke out in tears and everyone was just crying.

 

Then I called my b/f b/c I just didn't know what to do I mean I was just so upset I cant expleine,he picked up and he was on the other line with his aunt who's friends are in the building too and still are missing.

 

But b/c I was totally freaking out he put her on hold and talked to me. But he made me mad

 

i mean he had seen everything he had seen people jump he was right there and was so calm it just totaly pissed me off he such a calm person and at that time i wanted to see him expressing his feelings to and he didn't even tell me to stop crying all he said was i am glad you where not anywhere close to that place and that i have to be stong , and that I shouldn't give up and I should just try to not think about it and he is there for me.

 

But I wanted him to be more carrying and tell me to stop crying all then itold him I think he doesn't care and he got mad of course and told me he doesn't need that Sh*t right now and he puts a family member on hold for me and I think he doesn't care and how I am bullsh*ting w his mind, then I just hung up on him. And I got more sadder and just sat there all night and cried my eyes out and hoped for my aunt and my other family members to find their friends.

 

The next day he wrote me saying that I shocked him with what I had said. And saying how he is more scared cuz he has to go to school right there (it's kinda close) and b/c there where so many bomb threat's he was scared of course. He said exactly this to me

 

SO IF I AM QUIET AS WELL AS SHAKEN UP I WOULD EXPECT MY GIRLFRIEND TO HAVE SOME SYMPATHY FOR ME. I DO CARE REGARDLESS YOUR THOUGHTS AND I DO WAN TO KEEP YOU... I HAD NO IDEA WHAT TO SAY TO YOU AND INSTEAD OF SAY SOMETHING THAT I DIDN'T KNOW WHETHER OR NOT IT WOULD HELP OR HINDER YOU I CHOSE SILENCE SO YOU CAN LET IT ALL OUT I WAS BEING A LISTENER SO YOU CAN POUR YOUR HEART OUT TO ME AND PERHAPS I COULD HELP... YET YOU LASHED OUT AN ANGRY RAGE TOWARDS ME WHICH WAS UNACCEPTABLE IN MY VIEW THEREFORE I TOLD YOU WHATEVER BECAUSE THAT WAS AN IMMATURE ACT I AM NOT A LITTLE KID SO I DIDN'T RETALITE AND LASH BACK. I WAS NOT IN THE WRONG I PUT A FAMILY MEMBER ON HOLD SO THAT I MAY TRY TO ASSIST YOU N YOUR TIME OF GRIEF YET YOU SHOWED ME NO APPRECIATION AS WELL AS A LACK OF RESPECT BY GETTING LOUD WITH ME WHEN I WAS TALKING WITH YOU IN A CIVILIZED TONE... I AM NOT ONE OF YOUR LITTLE EX-BOYFRIENDS I TREAT YOU WITH RESPECT AND EXPECT THE SAME IN RETURN... IF WE ARE GOING TO BE TOGETHER WE MUST ACT LIKE ADULTS THAT'S WHAT TRUE RELATIONSHIPS ARE.

 

Well OK whatever but if he cared so much wouldn't he have to tell me to stop crying and all i mean i am just so upset and i didn't want him to be so calm but anyway then yesterday he called me and we where talking he had to go to the studio and come back very late and his Mom was supposed to be back at 12 (she's a nurse) he come online at 11:30 knowing that he would have to get off in 30 minutes and well he left after 25 minutes saying that he wants to leave before she gets home or he would probably get in trouble again.

 

I was like what the fuc* what is going on here I am totally upset in pain and he is leaving b/c his Mom is going to yell at him.

 

I mean I am a very emotional person and he knows that I cant deal w sh*t like that on my own and I just cant handle all this and my aunt keeps calling me crying and I need him and he leaves.

 

I am just sick and pissed off right now that b/c of his Mom we cant even talk,for long times like we used to I mean I don't just want to communicate through pagers and computers and cell phones that's not what I want I miss him and I want this to end I need him right now.

 

But he keeps talking about his music or being quite it just makes me mad he demands things from me but when I want something I don't get it or if I do then it's not the way I want it.

 

I just want him to be the way he was before all this happen I want him to be there for me and only me and what can I do about him Mom I mean I cant even talk to him anymore.

 

Am I overreacting I mean iam so confused I cant even think straight, and I don't want to lose him cuz I know he is the right one for me but I just cant stand that sh*t w his Mom and me being second now and always has to get off the phone. I just need someone to talk I cant take this anymore I mean my whole fam is so messed up in the head right now I cant even talk to them and I don't know what else to do.

 

I need someone to just listen to me and be there for me I am hurting so much right now and I feel he doesn't care I want my old boo-boo back he used to be just there for me and now that I need him he isn't there I know he is going through some bad times too and

 

we all are but damn I am just confused I need someone to talk to. Am I overreacting I mean what can I do what.

 

Anyway sorry if I sound kinda bad and everything but I just wanted to get this all out of me, cuz I don't and cant bother people w my problems right now cuz they are going through more.

 

I just wish this all wouldn't had hapen.And people will just stop all that Sh*t they are doing to us b/c it hurts to see something you love and NY like that i mean i love this city and now we will never be the same i am so hurt and so are many others i am sorry for like writing so much but i just needed to just write it and have someone listen to me.And well i cant page him cuz b/c the twin towers went down all the pagers here dont work anymore so i am all alone here right now just dont know what to do

[clia]

I'm sorry for your losses and the hard time you are going through right now.

 

That said, you are being very immature.

 

People display (or don't display) their emotions in different ways. Don't get pissed at your boyfriend because you don't 'think' he's as upset as he should be. Everyone handles things like this in different ways. He told you he was glad you weren't there. What else do you want from him? He didn't tell you to stop crying? Oh my God. Stop the presses. This is a DEVASTATING event. He probably was letting you vent your sorrow. Would you have stopped if he had said that? Does he have that much control over you?

 

He lives with his mother, so he must abide by her rules. She has every right to limit his talk time, both on the Internet and on the phone. Heck, my mom did it to me, too. Someday when he moves out and pays his own rent and bills, he'll be able to spend as many hours as he wants on the phone. If you want to see him that badly, meet him on the corner and get a drink at Starbucks. Or sit on a bench in Central Park and talk. You know, there was a time before cellphones, pagers, IM, and e-mail when people were still capable of having relationships. You can't rely on technology to get you through a relationship with someone. You don't need to send 100 messages a day to someone. Learn to be independent. Learn how to deal with your emotions instead of taking it out on your boyfriend and hoping that he's going to 'save the day' and carry you through things. Listen, he doesn't have any responsibility for you except to be there if you need a shoulder to cry on. From what you've said, he's done that. You're being extremely selfish. He's probably having a hard time with this to, and is trying to get himself through this.

 

If you need someone to talk to, go talk to a counselor. Matter of fact, I think you desperately need it. I'm sure your school is providing counseling right now. Go there, immediately, tomorrow and get some help.