tinktronik Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 I've been divorced several years , while married after many years of unhappiness and domestic disputes , I left and we divorced. About a year before the divorce finalized, I reported a domestic situation to the police. My ex was arrested and charged by the military police. End story. Untill now years after our divorce , he goes through to get a new security clearance ( upgraded) and the FBI finds his arrest and charge. He was never punished at the time b/c his command covered the whole thing up. He's been at this point denied his security clearance and his current one has been pulled , so hes in limbo . The problem is mostly that he did not disclose this occurence when questioned. Now years later he may be discharged from the military for it , the military claims that if it had gone through the propper channels he would have been discharged then. In an effort to save his @ss , he keeps calling and calling me trying to get me to sign paperwork saying I made the whole thing up ( stupid b/c there were plenty of pictures in the report) . He's driving me batty , with the phone always ringing. He's now claiming that he never laid a hand on me , I attacked him and abused him for years in our marrige ! Nutjob! Leave me alone Im your ex- Wife , go bother your current wife! We have kids together and Im worried that this will affect the kids and my visitation. The ex claims , what do I want him to have to go work at 7-11? This is what happened to me in our divorce, had to start over completely . Anyway just venting here . Why can't we all just get along???????????? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 did you have a lawyer represent you in the divorce? i would fill them in if you did. don't sign anything you are uncomfortable signing, okay? you have to live with yourself and he shouldn't strongarm into anything. remember: a picture speaks a thousand words. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinktronik Posted March 23, 2006 Author Share Posted March 23, 2006 nope I dident have a attorney at the time, I had been a housewife for years . So no money for an attorney . But now I can indeed afford an attorney, I wouldent actually sign a peice of toilet paper for him if he asked . But good lord , this is really irritating . Thankyou for your concern though . And I'll take your advice . Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 Definately talk to a lawyer, it's good to see you're concerned about the effect on the kiddos! Hope things work out.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinktronik Posted March 23, 2006 Author Share Posted March 23, 2006 Definately talk to a lawyer, it's good to see you're concerned about the effect on the kiddos! Hope things work out.... Thanks Blind. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 I'm glad you're doing better. You don't sound like you're going to back down, just that you're annoyed. The thing about abusers is that they 1)don't recognize that they should be held responsible because they usually blame the victim, and they 2)will almost ALWAYS repeat the behavior. I do hope he doesn't take it out on the kids, but at this point, and as strong as you sound, he'll probably be afraid to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinktronik Posted March 23, 2006 Author Share Posted March 23, 2006 I'm glad you're doing better. You don't sound like you're going to back down, just that you're annoyed. The thing about abusers is that they 1)don't recognize that they should be held responsible because they usually blame the victim, and they 2)will almost ALWAYS repeat the behavior. I do hope he doesn't take it out on the kids, but at this point, and as strong as you sound, he'll probably be afraid to. Catgirl, yeah , I feel at least that I'm doing better. And yes I'm quite annoyed . My ex clearly dosent see that he is at all responsible for his own actions, he just keeps telling me that "You did this and you should fix it. " It seems he's wipped his memory clear of any memories of his own actions. I don't see that outside of our marrige he is an abusive person, but then I don't live near him and really don't know much about his personal life. He's still quite manipulative towards me and I know he does the same with his current wife b/c shes called to vent with me on the phone. But privatly in his home , I don't know. I don't see any physical abuse towards our kids , and it is possible the circumstances of our marrige were the causal factor to his violence . But no, I would not tollerate any action taken toward our children. And thanks for your reply . Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinktronik Posted April 11, 2006 Author Share Posted April 11, 2006 Ahh , so here's the rub. I feel pretty secure in telling my ex to F- off .No I will not lie to the FBI for you . Deal with your own mess .So, My mom calls today to tell me that I should do this b/c it's in my childrens best interst.So now I know 100% that I've done the right thing by refusing , My Mother would never tell me to do anything that wouldent backfire on me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinktronik Posted April 11, 2006 Author Share Posted April 11, 2006 Okay so my ex calls , knowing my dear wonderful mother called to try and manipulate me into doing what he wants .And I tell him , no I will not submit any statement to the FBI claiming a lie that you never put your hands on me and that I attacked you and that the bruises you all took photos of , oh gee maybe I ran into a DOOR! So he launches into how I'm a self serving liar , claiming I made the whole thing up , he dosent know how the bruises the exact size of his fist ended up on me ....blah blah blah....He's gonna get kicked out of the military and its my fault ...Now with my mother calling , oh sweetie this will be the best thing for the kids..How could me lying to the FBI possibly be in the best interest for my kids? ....Well they have a nice life with housing ect..../I have a nice 3 bedroom home with a backyard with trees they could climb and a park across the street, I live 5 min from a montesouri (sp?) school , I have a decent car that I bought just so that I could fit my boys . I have two bedrooms full of toys and clothes that have never been played with or worn , just sitting empty , waiting for my children ./ But how would you pay for medical......Well gee MOM maybe I could pay for it with all of the money I send my ex in support NOW!!!! Now my ex is telling me I won't see my kids anymore he dosn't have to do anything for me , don't call his house , forget this summer with the kids.... This is such bullsh** !! I just cannot believe I still have to put up with this. I imagine we'll end up back in court . I just hate this. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 Ahh , so here's the rub. I feel pretty secure in telling my ex to F- off .No I will not lie to the FBI for you . Deal with your own mess .So, My mom calls today to tell me that I should do this b/c it's in my childrens best interst.So now I know 100% that I've done the right thing by refusing , My Mother would never tell me to do anything that wouldent backfire on me. This is the hand lending that you were referring to earlier, I see now. Babycakes, you need to buy a heavybag and get some punches in. Don't jump to conclusions just yet, but mebbe talk to a lawyer to cover yer ass. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinktronik Posted April 11, 2006 Author Share Posted April 11, 2006 This is the hand lending that you were referring to earlier, I see now. Babycakes, you need to buy a heavybag and get some punches in. Don't jump to conclusions just yet, but mebbe talk to a lawyer to cover yer ass. Agreed , I do indeed need a punching bag , this is just so dumb, I don't want to have to fight over my kids, they are not pawns . I've already talked to an attorney, both here and in CA . He's trying to coerce me into lying for him , he did this often when we were married , but jeeze , I will NOT do it now that were divorced . I don't have anything to do with what is going on in his life now , thats his deal . The attorney here wants me to be ruthless , file a restraining order to get him to stop harrasing me on the phone and contact his comand to let them know what hes trying to pull over . The CA attorney still urges me to move for custody ( he also wants 10k more in fees to do it) I don't have 10k in disposable right this moment ,but may be able to work something out .The CA judge dislikes my ex from the times weve been to court before so it may not take much more to get custody turned over . I just need some time to cool down I guess and straighten my head out. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts