swissair Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Alright -- I know this post is juvenile, but it's bothering me. I dated this girl for 3 months last summer. She was 22 and a series of bad things happened to her and her family, so she was a mess. She dumped me because she said things were out of control. I think the real reason was she wanted to party and to be surrounded by the big group of fake friends -- that's definitely not me, but the new guy could offer that. We've stayed friends for the past 8 months and she started dating a new guy right after we broke up. Their relationship is falling apart, from what I can tell. I've dated since but I still think about her and would like to be with her. I think she has really turned her life around and I think I'm a different, more secure person now too. Lately, her behavior has really changed. She's dropping hints on a daily basis. YET, she is still with her boyfriend. Here is some of what has happened: she said "you and I have far more in common than [current boyfriend] and I" I went on a date with a new girl, and the ex called at midnight, drunk, asking if I was with the new girl or not. I went skiing with a female friend, and the ex asked 50 questions about the friend -- did we sleep together, am I interested in her, why did I go skiing with her, etc. she listens to "our song" all the time (it shows what she's playing on msn) and she tells me she thinks about me every time she listens to that song. She said she couldn't put it on a cd for the current bf because it's too special for her. tells me she misses me, wishes we could hang out more, and jokingly tells me she loves me (I've never seen "friends" do this). text messaged me at 3am telling me she was at a bar and her boyfriend was being a loser. we hung out one afternoon, and all she did was complain about how her bf cheated 3 times on her and how he makes her feel stupid, but how she think's she'll spend the rest of her life with him. we went to the pool together and she was avoided eye contact and was really nervous acting. Normally she's confident will lock eyes. She invited all her new friends out for her birthday, and no one showed. She wrote me a big email telling me how she thought she wanted the party life, but not anymore. What is going on? I haven't said anything that shows I'm still interested in her or that I'm open to a relationship again because she is still with her boyfriend. He called when we were hanging out and got incredibly jealous that we drove together in the same vehicle. Is she legitimately interested in me, and waiting for a final fight with the current guy? Am I being used to make the current guy jealous with the hopes of making him stop cheating? I don't think I'm being used as a confidence booster for her because I'm not saying anything to show I'm interested. My opinion is to carry on, date other people, and wait till she explicitly asks the right questions. I've never met another person I got along with so well and had so much in common... Thank you for your advice! -Trev Edit: It has crossed my mind -- if she is hanging out with me and talking to me, is that cheating? Would she do that to me and find someone new? Can she be trusted? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 My advice? Stay clear of her while she is dating someone else. If you get in the middle of her current relationship, she will blame you for it's demise. The best thing you can do is keep your distance. When she really wants to be with you she'll dump her current bf. If that happens then it's "on" but do nothing to interfere until it happens. Yes, she's dropping all the hints but as long as she has a bf she should be off limits. Link to post Share on other sites
Author swissair Posted March 24, 2006 Author Share Posted March 24, 2006 Thank you Caliguy -- you're right, I don't want to be the homewrecker. If she dumped him and came right to me, I would be psychotically insecure. She's taken him back three times now, so odds are she will take him back again. I would be wondering if I was just the rebound. Or I would be wondering if him and her were in constant contact like her and I were... The whole situation sounds like more effort than it's worth -Trev Link to post Share on other sites
gfto Posted March 25, 2006 Share Posted March 25, 2006 none of it means anything Swiss. What matters is that she's in the arms of another guy. It almost sounds like she sees you as a counselor or male girlfriend. I'd completely disappear and go with no contact. Then, she'll either show up crying and begging you to take her back (which you shouldn't do anyway), or she'll just disappear (you will have called her bluff). Link to post Share on other sites
Author swissair Posted March 29, 2006 Author Share Posted March 29, 2006 Ugh, she let the truth slip out Thursday night... We were going to go take some pictures at an abandoned factory, and she said she just had to call her bf and let him know... and she gets back to me saying "the bf asked me to spend the day with him, AND I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO TELL HIM YOU AND I WANTED TO HANG OUT." So, I was being used to make him jealous. She has no interest in me. Going NC with yet another one Link to post Share on other sites
hindsight Posted March 29, 2006 Share Posted March 29, 2006 she sounds like she has real issues.insecure people that will be with anyone to avoid being alone is unattractive ,man thats just gross but its all about them i guess Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted March 29, 2006 Share Posted March 29, 2006 Ugh, she let the truth slip out Thursday night... We were going to go take some pictures at an abandoned factory, and she said she just had to call her bf and let him know... and she gets back to me saying "the bf asked me to spend the day with him, AND I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO TELL HIM YOU AND I WANTED TO HANG OUT." So, I was being used to make him jealous. She has no interest in me. Going NC with yet another one She's immature, my friend. Move on and leave her behind. Link to post Share on other sites
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