don't think this is gross

[heartbroken008]

Me and this girl have been together for like 6 months. We haven't been a day of seein each other, and I love her more than I've ever loved. She loves me too, I know it. We're so close.

So me and her took ecstasy last night. We never do that. But we took one each.

Like two or three hours later, I said joking (i had said it before a bunch of times but she had always said no) that we should have a threesome with one of my good guy friends. Cuz he was always bugging us about it.

And to my shock...she said sure.

I didn't know what to do...so I just went along with it.

So we end up in the back of his car, EXPLICIT...(but i dont know any other way to just explain the situation) ...so he starts havin sex with her while she is givin me head. I couldn't get an erection. I've never had that problem. I was so uncomfortable.

I was hurting so bad to see him have sex with her, so so bad. But I didn't wanna ruin it for rocky or even her...I didn't know what to do.

So I just said I can't do this...I'm uncomfortable and I can't get horny. You guys go ahead....

I didn't think she would actually agree. So I sit smoking a cigarette, head turned away, listening to them having at it. I hear her moan, and I hear her have an orgasm. Then him.

No words I say can describe the pain and impact this moment had on me.

I began to wonder later that night...How the hell could she do that and not feel bad? Knowin I was uncomfy?

I mean I was even like "you sure you wanna keep doin this" and she was like "yeah!"

She's always told me she isnt attracted to any other guy and could never have sex with anyone else. But she did, right in front of me.

So I know this is partly my fault....but how could she hurt me like that? If she loves me so much? And I know she loves me! We are getting married, we are so happy. But this was such a horrible decision. It haunted me all night long.

And she didnt even feel bad about it until I told her how much I hurt. Even then she just didnt care as much as I thought she would.

Now I can't break up with her. I mean I'm the one that said lets have a threesome. But I'm so hurt, so agonized.

Do you guys think this means she would cheat on me? I mean if she has sex with a guy right in front of me....wouldn't she do it behind my back?

I just don't know what to do. Please somebody help me. I called her crying last night. What do I need to say? What needs to happen? PLEASE help. I'm in so much pain.

[justagirliegirl]

Often the case a fantasy should remain just that as you found out the hard way, unfortunately.

 

You did keep asking her to do this and why?

 

Did she have protected sex with him?

 

I think that when you both aren't under the influence of drugs, you should sit down and have a talk about what happened.

[JadeStar]

First off, lay off the ecstacy. You also said you were the one that mentioned to her before about trying a threesome, so since she agreed what did you expect? Her to not like it? I'm not trying to sound harsh really I'm not. I understand that you feel maybe you made a mistake by even bringing up a threesome and now since it happened, you feel bad. I would say you have to learn from your mistakes, however, now its your g/f that may want this to happen again. I'm may be wrong, but part of her agreeing to do this may be coming from the fact she took the ecstacy. I would imagine it would cloud someones judgement. Thats why its best not to even mess with the stuff.

 

You asked if its possible she might cheat on you. Sure, its highly possible. Basically she already did with the other guy, just happened to be infront of you, and it was consentual. Seems to me she liked what happened, and is willing to do it again. I think you need to have a serious talk with her about how you feel what happened was a mistake and don't want it to happen again. Thats really all you can do. Then its up to her wheather or not she listens.

[heartbroken008]

Is it normal for me to be hurting so bad?

 

Will I ever stop hurting?

[littlekitty]

Reason 459 not to do Class A drugs.

[JadeStar]

Is it normal for me to be hurting so bad?

 

Will I ever stop hurting?

 

 

 

I'm sure you will stop hurting at some point. This is still very fresh and new. You said you all just did this last night.

 

 

 

 

Jade

[littlekitty]

Is it normal for me to be hurting so bad?

 

Will I ever stop hurting?

 

That depends on you and whether you can accept what happened and put it behind you.

 

The first step is to talk about what happened.

[catgirl1927]

Threesomes are consensual cheating. You gave her permission to do that, so you can't get upset with her for doing it. You initiated the whole thing.

 

The only thing you can do at this point is tell her how this made you feel. Tell her it was a mistake, you didn't think you would react that way. Tell her you feel like it's cheating, and although you don't blame her for what happened (and you need to MEAN that) you are so so so sorry that you made this mistake and you want to go back to being exclusive. And then you hope she understands and respects that.

 

I bet she will understand and this won't happen again.

 

And don't do drugs.

[933KJL]

There is an old parable:

 

"Be careful about what you wish for"

 

At this point, you two will need to work things out between yourselves. I would not hold too much against her though as you initiated it, you encouraged it (on several occasions), and probably most importantly you were both on drugs.

[Cecelius]

You will never, ever NOT think of her doing this again. If it hurts this much, you should break up with her and learn your lesson. Think about it this way, at least you know now what you don't want in a relationship and make sure to avoid girls who would do this kind of thing.

[whichwayisup]

I'm sorry that you're upset...I'm sure it really hurt like hell seeing and hearing your girlfriend with someone else, but...It was suggested and then BOOM it happened. YOU know that if drugs were not involved that situation never would have taken place. The drug made her (and you) think and DO something neither of you would do if sober...

 

Sadly, with that being said, there isn't much you can do, except bare part of the responsibility, don't be angry with her for enjoying it - and never let it happen again.

 

Discuss it together, see how she feels and also, let her know what you are feeling. I don't think (obviously) you knew how you were gonna feel until it actually came to life...This is why fantasies are better left as just fantasies...

[blind_otter]

You will never, ever NOT think of her doing this again. If it hurts this much, you should break up with her and learn your lesson. Think about it this way, at least you know now what you don't want in a relationship and make sure to avoid girls who would do this kind of thing.

 

Yes, certainly. Perhaps he should avoid himself as well, since he asked her to do it?

[Sassy]

I agree with all the other posters . Especially the saying JKL said careful what you wish for might come true. Fanasty should be just that .Keep them to yourself . You thought that you wanted to do a threesome and when it came down to it you couldn't do it. You was doing drugs and that can cloud your judgement and make you things you wouldn't ordinarly do . Stay away from drugs and wait till she is thinking more clearly and tell her how you feel. I can see why you couldn't do it because you love her. She obviously doesn't have any real feelings for you or she would have stopped as well when you did. Will she cheat in the future probably so if she can do it in front of you. I would rethink this relationship and see if she will be faithful to you .Good luck hope it all works out for you.

[climbergirl]

I agree with all the other posters . Especially the saying JKL said careful what you wish for might come true. Fanasty should be just that .Keep them to yourself . You thought that you wanted to do a threesome and when it came down to it you couldn't do it. You was doing drugs and that can cloud your judgement and make you things you wouldn't ordinarly do . Stay away from drugs and wait till she is thinking more clearly and tell her how you feel. I can see why you couldn't do it because you love her. She obviously doesn't have any real feelings for you or she would have stopped as well when you did. Will she cheat in the future probably so if she can do it in front of you. I would rethink this relationship and see if she will be faithful to you .Good luck hope it all works out for you.

 

This was my first thought. The moment that you said you were uncomfortable she should have stopped. Her blaise attitude since either suggests that she doesn't really care much for your feelings OR she's pissed that you wanted to share her with another man in the first place.

[blind_otter]

This was my first thought. The moment that you said you were uncomfortable she should have stopped. Her blaise attitude since either suggests that she doesn't really care much for your feelings OR she's pissed that you wanted to share her with another man in the first place.

 

I tend to dsiagree because there was ecstasy involved.

[whichwayisup]

This was my first thought. The moment that you said you were uncomfortable she should have stopped. Her blaise attitude since either suggests that she doesn't really care much for your feelings OR she's pissed that you wanted to share her with another man in the first place.

I don't believe that at all...I think the frame of mind thanks to the drugs taken, were a HUGE part of this. If she wasn't on drugs, then him telling her he was uncomfortable - She would have stopped.

[catgirl1927]

I tend to dsiagree because there was ecstasy involved.

 

I do as well. I've never taken it but I understand you're really not yourself when you take it.

[blind_otter]

HAH, you're telling me. Once I was on x and at a club, I sold some to a dude who was a resident at one of the hospital here (there are like 4 in my area, don't ask why)

 

He asks me to go back to his house, and I'm rolling and loving everything so I agree. When I got there there was nothing in the house but a bed in the living room, and a video camers and a TV pointed at the bed.

 

Creeeeeeeeeepy.

 

Luckily I went to the club with a male friend who tracked me down and pulled me out of there. It could have gotten ugly -- normally I would NEVER in a million years put myself in that position, being that I have been raped before. I just didn't realize it, didn't think it through like I would if I were sober.

 

Just a story to illustrate how lowered inhibitions can make you do things that you would normally never do.

[catgirl1927]

I think it's really wrong to judge this girl as some sort of whore because she did this.

 

1. She was not herself.

2. It was his idea.

 

I can completely understand how he feels, and he isn't wrong for trying this or for reacting this way. This was just a mistake. That's all it was. I really believe that with communication you can fix it.

[climbergirl]

HAH, you're telling me. Once I was on x and at a club, I sold some to a dude who was a resident at one of the hospital here (there are like 4 in my area, don't ask why)

 

He asks me to go back to his house, and I'm rolling and loving everything so I agree. When I got there there was nothing in the house but a bed in the living room, and a video camers and a TV pointed at the bed.

 

Creeeeeeeeeepy.

 

Luckily I went to the club with a male friend who tracked me down and pulled me out of there. It could have gotten ugly -- normally I would NEVER in a million years put myself in that position, being that I have been raped before. I just didn't realize it, didn't think it through like I would if I were sober.

 

Just a story to illustrate how lowered inhibitions can make you do things that you would normally never do.

 

OK-got it. I haven't taken it so I have no idea what it does. How long does it last? When he called her crying and he felt she didn't care--could her 'flippant' attitude be due to the fact that she was still high?

[catgirl1927]

OK-got it. I haven't taken it so I have no idea what it does. How long does it last? When he called her crying and he felt she didn't care--could her 'flippant' attitude be due to the fact that she was still high?

 

I've been told it lasts like 4-6 hours, is that right?

 

I would say that her flippant attitude was TOTALLY due to the fact that she was on drugs. COMPLETELY because of that. Drugs are different than alcohol.

[blind_otter]

OK-got it. I haven't taken it so I have no idea what it does. How long does it last? When he called her crying and he felt she didn't care--could her 'flippant' attitude be due to the fact that she was still high?

 

Depending on what other stuff they did, yep. There's something they call "monday blues" -- it's a deep depressive state you get into after you do ecstasy because you deplete your brain's normal serotonin levels.

 

Back in the day we called it "Borrowing happiness" -- you borrow from the following week to have that high for one night. THe week after you do it, though, it can be pretty bad - lots of depression, crying, numbness....especially if you did stuff that you regret in your sober state.

 

You feel guilty for being stupid enough to borrow on future happiness, and to make life changing decisions while f***ed up. At least - I did.

[littlekitty]

Depending on what other stuff they did, yep. There's something they call "monday blues" -- it's a deep depressive state you get into after you do ecstasy because you deplete your brain's normal serotonin levels.

 

Back in the day we called it "Borrowing happiness" -- you borrow from the following week to have that high for one night. THe week after you do it, though, it can be pretty bad - lots of depression, crying, numbness....especially if you did stuff that you regret in your sober state.

 

You feel guilty for being stupid enough to borrow on future happiness, and to make life changing decisions while f***ed up. At least - I did.

 

It was this exactly that made me decide to stop doing all Class A drugs. The lows were way, way, way overtaking the highs I was gaining, and the highs didn't seem as great.

 

I still know someone who goes out doing x most weekends. Weekends she's great, rest of the week she's on antidepressants and can't work out why... derrrrrr....!!!! Not doing down actual depression here, but I think she's making her own situation worse.

[electric_sheep]

Well, I can very much relate to this.

 

One wild, reckless night the love of my life (who I had been dating for 7 years), my best friend, and myself all ended up having sex after we had had a long, puedo-intellectual conversation on sex, where we all spouted off liberal drivel and self-congratulated ourselves on being so progressive and mature.

 

Oddly, at the time I found the whole thing INSANELY erotic, as did we all. I actually had sex with her 3 times that night, as did he. She said she couldn't walk right the next day.

 

A lot of times stuff that sounds good philosophically or intellectually just doesn't sit right with the emotions. When it comes to sex, a lot of the feelings are just on a deeper and more primal level ... they are simply beyond the capability of your mind to reason with.

 

Bad news is ... I never did get over it.

 

I simply did not have it within me to move on. I found myself in a real catch22 ...

 

I could enjoy sex with her, but I more or less had to adopt the philosophy I had espoused that evening ... and neither of us wanted that. Not to mention, it's hard to MAKE yourself believe something. In short, I created space between us in my mind.

 

Or I could eliminate that space and feel that special closeness again ... at the sacrifice of feeling bad about sex.

 

Either way, images from that night simply came uninvited to my mind during sex. I've heard OCD drugs can actually be helpful for something like this, though you may not want to go that route, and you may not need to.

 

Everyone is different. This was 10 years ago. I may handle it differently now. You may be able to move beyond it without any problem. Try meditation and positive thinking. Time will tell. All you can do is try.

 

Finally, I understand how you feel somewhat betrayed. I did too. You feel like she should know you well enough to know that you were trying to shoot yourself in the foot. Everyone is a little immature and stubborn sometimes, and you were probably counting on her saying "no no ... I'm not going to let you shoot yourself in the foot".

 

It's like you were saying, "Ha ! I'm going to jump off this bridge. Please stop me."

 

That's a dangerous game to play.

 

It's even worse because she could clearly see you were not enjoying it, yet she continued. I don't think it would be wrong of you to think that was a little insensitive.

 

If my gf suggested we have a 3some with another girl, if I didn't just stop things outright ... I would at least try and be tuned in to her feelings, knowing there was a possibility for things to go severally wrong. If she just fired up a cig and looked uncomfortable, I like to think I'd stop punishing her and call it off.

 

If she was not just downright insensitive, she was at the least non-intuitive.

 

Good luck.

[Guest]

Just FYI "X" can cause a large % of guys to not be able to get a hard on even if you are rolling and feeling really good and horny as hell. And especially if you are new to using it. So don't think it was just mental thing for you, chances are as much as you wanted to be hard the "X" was the problem not your psychi.

 

My advice, lay off the "X" it will only get you in trouble from making you want to chase random @ss while on it or cause you to make stupid decisions like letting your friend F your girlfriend.

 

Tudor