electric_sheep Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Threesomes are consensual cheating. You gave her permission to do that, so you can't get upset with her for doing it. You initiated the whole thing. Unfortunately I don't think it's that simplistic. Loving someone means not letting them hurt themselves. It's possible she had no idea how he would really feel, but it's possible she did. She may have been calling his bluff so to speak, out of irritation or whatever. It wouldn't surprise me if some serious mind games were not going on here. At the very least miscommunication. To take advantage of that, if that is what she did, in a way that could obviously be so destructive, is not my idea of love. Could simply be immaturity and miscommunication. It's hard to get into anothers head and know what they were thinking. He will have to trust his gut. Irregardless, even if it's not a matter of being upset with someone, it's a matter of being upset with a situation. Just because no one is to blame does not invalidate his emotions. This is a very dangerous game they were playing, and it's possible his emotions and feelings will recover fully. Let's hope so. Everyone is wired different. Even if he loves her tremendously ... what if he finds himself in a situation where sex with her becomes difficult and complicated ? That wouldn't be fair to either. Hopefully it doesn't come to that. OP, I'd advice you to just concentrate on the present. The past and the future are illusions ... just memories encoded as synaptic connections in the pink matter of the brain. Let them go. Google on "how to let go". This is going to take some serious growing on your part, but I think you can do it ! Link to post Share on other sites
Vertex Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 A general rule of thumb: Threesomes just don't work. Most people can't handle the implications, and speaking purely in terms of probability, the bad effects will outweigh the good. The only way for threesomes to work is if the three people who plan to be involved are FULLY AWARE of what they are doing as well as the consequences, and you must be totally ready. It's like having sex for the first time -- if you're unsure in the least, then most likely you will regret it after having done it. The fact that you were on ecstacy complicates things as it clouds judgment, but that in itself is something you need to stop doing if you want to isolate variables to fix, here. Since you initiated the threesome, you can't be directly angry at your girl for cheating, but you can tell her how it upset you and how you feel and what you want to happen from this point onward. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Not being able to get past it and blaming her for it are two very different things. I don't think I could get past it, but I couldn't then blame my partner for my feelings. Sometimes things just get ruined, and it sucks, but if you try your best you can't help how you feel. That's what I meant by that. I guess it wasn't clear. Link to post Share on other sites
electric_sheep Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Yeah, yeah ... I agree catgirl. Even if she is not the slightest bit culpable, the situation itself sucks. Certainly not that much blame can be put on her, particularly considering they were on drugs. Sometimes people just act stupid and together they drive right over a cliff. Believe me, it's happened in my relationships. It can happen for lots of reasons, and no one is really to blame. Link to post Share on other sites
Michael86 Posted March 25, 2006 Share Posted March 25, 2006 The fact that you were on ecstacy complicates things as it clouds judgment, but that in itself is something you need to stop doing if you want to isolate variables to fix, here. Since you initiated the threesome, you can't be directly angry at your girl for cheating, but you can tell her how it upset you and how you feel and what you want to happen from this point onward. I agree. One thing puzzles me about this. They both were high, yet he had the presence of mind to know that it was wrong for him and he had the control to stop. She didn't. I've never done drugs (and never will) so I'm just trying to understand this better. Heartbroken, I'm really sorry you're going through this. One thing I can understand is the pain you must be feeling inside. But please from now on, stay away from the drugs. This is why I'm anti-drug and don't get involved with drinking. I've lost people I love because of drugs and I've seen and read too many stories of how drugs and alcohol destroyed peoples lives. We recently had a horrific drunk driving accident here in NY where a child got decapitated. Her mother was in the car with her. It was heartbreaking. Link to post Share on other sites
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