thisisarandomperson Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Well i met this girl online over a year ago, and we recently started dating properly on valentines day. She is going to go to college for another year, then take a gap year. I will be going to uni in the coming september. We currently live 2 hours travel away (by train), and recently we meet up weekly. However this is costly but i dont mind. We love each other loads and we would like to be together for a long time. Now here is the problem, as i am going to uni in september i will be moving even further away. Only about an extra hour away, but thats far away. Recently i've been a little doubtful of us staying together when i go to uni. First reason is the distance. Second is that i will be a poor little student which wont be able to afford to see her regularly. Three is that because of the previous two reasons, we might end up falling for someone else locally or we might start falling out of love. I would hate to be cheated on or to be lead along. I really like her but the only 'problem' i have is that she isnt very intelligent. Which means i can't have deep intellectual conversations with her. I feel sorry for her because she has a bad homelife. Her mum expects her to look after the 2 and 3 year old brothers when she is at home so she has no time to do coursework. So her mum doesnt work and her dad is a tiler and doesnt get much work so they are in debt. That means she struggles to raise money to do stuff with me but she does try really hard. This girl is great but she can be a bit stupid, and im worried i might end up falling for someone at uni which will be more intelligent. That might sound a bit shallow but it could happen. So what should i do? I don't want to lose this girl cause i really really like her. Have any of you had LDRs that have survived when you have been to uni? Should i carry on with this till uni and then see how it is? Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 I don't know that it would last, whether you are far apart or not. It doesn't seem like you have much in common with her. Link to post Share on other sites
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 It doesn't seem like you respect her very much. If you think she's uniltelligent and you're already thinking it won't work, it definitely won't. In other cases, it's not that hard to make it work when you go away to university--me and my boyfriend just survived our first year of university together only seeing each other once a week or less. Link to post Share on other sites
Bogun Posted March 25, 2006 Share Posted March 25, 2006 It doesn't seem like you respect her very much. If you think she's uniltelligent and you're already thinking it won't work, it definitely won't. I agree with this. Your calling your gf stupid......this relationship is headed for the crapper. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 25, 2006 Share Posted March 25, 2006 I agree with this. Your calling your gf stupid......this relationship is headed for the crapper. I agree. I'm not doubting you "love" your gf, but flat out calling her stupid? This whole thing to me sounds like you are seeking approval to break up with her to find somebody you have more in common with. Which is fine, people move on. If you can't have intellectual conversation with this girl and that is what you want the relationship wouldn't last forever anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
justagirliegirl Posted March 25, 2006 Share Posted March 25, 2006 I don't think distance is the main problem but that you aren't compatible. I was with a dumb man and it didn't work. He thought he was so smart but made such terrible decisions. Link to post Share on other sites
gooutwithasmile Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 I have been involved in an LDR where my girlfriend goes to a university over five hours away, and it works wonderfully. It works wonderfully because we love each other and share a lot of common ground. We share a lot of the same interests, we are compatible as people, we have a solid friendship underneath our relationship, and we have great chemistry. It flat out CAN'T WORK if you aren't compatible with her to begin with. The fact that you see her as unintelligent, to me, is a major red flag. I couldn't date someone that lived right next to me if I thought they were stupid. What are you going to talk about when your only form of communication becomes the phone and the internet, and you only see her every now and then? Link to post Share on other sites
Author thisisarandomperson Posted March 30, 2006 Author Share Posted March 30, 2006 Ok thanks for your advice. I've never had a girlfriend before as i tend to be very picky and i think a little too much which leads me to thinking of all the bads things about someone i fancy rather than all the good points. Over a month ago, i was head over heels with her. I had butterflies, missed her lots, etc. But now i am not really getting any of that. Im not sure why. Im not sure if it is because i am stressed with the huge amount of coursework i have at the moment. Or if it is because i dont think it would last through uni. Or because i can't have intellectual conversations with her. Or perhaps it is a combination of them all. I do admit that i am under quite a lot of stress from coursework as i really want to get those grades for uni. I was on MSN with her earlier and i was quiet and blunt. When it was dinner time, i didnt really say "xxx", "love u", etc like we normally would. Then when i came back she said she is going offline now. Yeah not really a great way to talk to a partner i know... But im confused. Im not sure if i want to break up with her because of the way im feeling nowadays, but at the same time i dont want to because i dont want to upset her, or to make a big mistake, or for another guy to get her (maybe cause i easily get jealous). Big mistake as in realising that i really do love her after i sort out my schoolwork, etc. She is now in a bad mood with me because of how i acted earlier and won't come back online tonight. I know its my fault. Oh and by the way, i don't think she is completely stupid. I just think she is a bit ditsy at times, and ignorant. I am not trying to sound bigheaded but i like to learn, i work hard for my qualifications, and i think a lot and analyse things, etc. I wouldnt say i was albert einstein, but i would say i am fairly smart. Can anyone help me figure out why i am feeling like this? Have any of you ever felt like i do at the moment? What did you do? Link to post Share on other sites
legend66 Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 hey there buddy, i know almost exactly what your going through. met my gf nearly 2 years ago now and we are going to uni in september! Shes very focused on being a docter, but despite her intelligence shes knows nothing about politics, the world etc, so hey we have our intellectual differnces! when you first fall in love it blinds you to what the person is really like, im only now discovering that she can sometimes be very stubborn and patronising towards me and my choices for university, which i suspect she has picked up from her dad (geography vendetta). but all the same i still love her i find i get periods of feeling cold and wanting to just break it up before university, but at the the same time i know id be devastated if the relationship ended. like you she is my first girlfreind, putting me at a disadvantage in making these kind of decisions. maybe we are not compatible in the end and university is lilely to accelarte the growing apart, but then again if we get through this then surely we must be right for eachother! recently she has admitted she is sometimes stubborn and patronising, which i suppose means she wants to try and change. but there i am again focusing on the bad things! the grass is always greener on the other side, but look around and make a decsion, there oculd be millions of girlsout there which are far more compatible with you. im just going to see this thing through, if we grow apart or cheat, well then obviosy it would never have worked. but theres no point worrying about things that havnt happened yet! yeah some im just as confused as you really mate! Link to post Share on other sites
Author thisisarandomperson Posted March 31, 2006 Author Share Posted March 31, 2006 Whew at least someone is sort of in the same position as me Well the thing is, my gf only talks about her friends or day-to-day stuff, or what she wants to do, etc. I suppose its alright for something for two friends to talk about but i want to talk about something with a little more depth to it. We mostly talk on MSN and lately for me im getting quite bored of these MSN convos as i dont really know what to talk to her about. I want to talk to her about the things im interested in, but i know she wouldnt be interested in it. As this is an LDR, it is important to be able to talk a lot, and it helps to have things in common (such as interests). But we dont really have anything in common that has much depth to it unfortunately. Im not sure what i should do. I dont want to lead her along, as she is really in love with me but im not sure if i feel as strongly for her as she does for me. But i cant break up with her because i dont want to upset her as she thinks bad things always happen to her and me breaking up with her could seriously affect her (as this is our first serious relationship). Also i dont want to find that after i break up with her, i realise i do really really love her. Im so confused!! Link to post Share on other sites
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