dgiirl Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 So i'm really new to this whole dating scene, and I'm still very skittish of the whole thing, but I would like to gain more practice. I've got the whole online thing down pack, unfortunately, I'm a little scared to meet strangers off the internet. However, in public, I tend to get approached by the crazy guys offering me candy (true story). I'd like to figure out how I can get normal guys to approach me. For instance, last night, I was at the hardware store. I'm looking at two products, trying to figure out the difference between the two and then an employee and a customer turn into my isle. When I look up, I notice the employee was pretty cute, so I gave him a shy smile and looked back down. He came up to me and asked if I needed help. He stood close to me, and read both bottles and kept repeating himself (kept reading the french part, and then realized he should translate the french for me lol . I smiled, and then thanked him, and then he left to help some more customers. Even the guy at the bank or grocery store will smile at me, but they wont come up to me and strike a conversation, or if we do, it fizzles out quickly. I need pointers! Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 You have to be more than "nice" so these guys will pick up on the fact that you are interested. Some good eye contact is helpful and many guys need very specific clues ( would you like my number or I think you are cute ). Just a smile is not always enough to convey interest as many people are just being friendly. You may have to become more agressive- if you see what you want and go after it. If that is not your style then some compliments works wonders. In other words, the best way to get attention is to show it. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 If that is not your style then some compliments works wonders. yep. if you see a cute guy tell him "you look mighty nice in them jeans" and then smile. Link to post Share on other sites
ddnnee Posted March 25, 2006 Share Posted March 25, 2006 ever thought that maybe these guys you are going after are customer-friendly people? They have to smile and all that with all customers, so just because they smile does not mean they are attracted to you. Sometimes i see girls and laugh at them because they are glued to their cellphone or way too much make up. They may think I like them, but really I am laughing at them. like "omg, look at that b---- on the cell phone and driving at the same time, WHOA she almost hit that other car! AHAHAHAHA" or "that b---- was talking on her cellphone and fell down the stairs because she can't handle two tasks at once. AHAHAHA" - true stories, both happened since 2 weeks ago at my college. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted March 25, 2006 Author Share Posted March 25, 2006 ddnnee, you sound like a real sweet guy with constructive advice. Thanks And to the other two posters, thank you for the _real_ constructive advice. Link to post Share on other sites
kittenpants Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Oh, Digi!! You are so cute. You should ignore that stupid ddnnee. He is an example of one of the guys you DON'T want to meet in real life. So, I, like Digi, can't figure out how to go beyond the smile in those non-bar settings. What if ddnnee is right and the guys aren't giving us singles and then laugh? As a divorcee, rejection is a huge thing, and it is tough to put yourself out there. So, if someone could be smiling at you for some other reason, how do you know? Link to post Share on other sites
ddnnee Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 kitty: oh thanks for calling me stupid. if you are so smart, then why aren't haven't you developed antigravity yet? besides, digi is just being sarcastic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted March 31, 2006 Author Share Posted March 31, 2006 Hey KP! Love ya girl! You're going to find a totally different group of ppl here. I hope ppl like ddnnee dont scare you away. ddnnee, my original post was not sarcastic. I was asking for help and I found your post to be completely useless. You gave no sound advice except to imply that no guy is attracted to me, he's just doing his job. Well, gee thanks. And if you do what you said you did, then kp is right, you are the type of guy I want to avoid. Link to post Share on other sites
kittenpants Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 I got this book called "Always Talk to Strangers" and so far it has some good advice. One thing it says that I know I need to work on is seeming interested and available. It is hard to avoid putting up defensives, but the analogy the book uses makes sense: If you were choosing between two vacation spots and one was sunny and inviting and the other was harsh and gray, which would you choose. The idea is that if you start trying to be the 'sunny' spot, you are more likely to attract others. It also makes a really good point -- you work hard at your job, hard at being healthy, etc... but few of us think about working hard at finding relationships. I guess I've always been of the mindset that 'love' will find me... That is sort of what happened with my first marriage, and look how well that turned out!! Anyway, it looks like this book might have some good suggestions... Link to post Share on other sites
Lucasarts Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 you want to let guys know that you like em tell them that you find them attractive, cute, hot, etc guys love that sh*t but if u want to be more subtle, touch them on the arm to get their attention, tilt your head sideways, use open body language when talking, lean toward them when talking, be a flirt, and sometimes just take the initiative. its one thing for a guy to be attracted to a girl, he always lets them know its just harder it seems to pick up on when a girl is into you (unless its really obvious, like very physical and stuff) Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted April 8, 2006 Author Share Posted April 8, 2006 its one thing for a guy to be attracted to a girl, he always lets them know See, this is what prevents me from taking risks. If a guy is not telling me he's attracted to me, then I just give up. I dont want to convince a guy to be attracted to me. The other thing is, I'm not sure how much attracted i am to him. ATM, I find a few guys interesting and I'd like to get to know them a little better, but unfortunately, they're not giving me any signs to work with. And I dont want to give obvious signs without knowing if I'd be interested or not. For instance, I met this one guy via a mutual friend (Our mutual friend+bf do not live local). Four of us all hung out one weekend. Afterwards, i tried to strike up a conversation with him via email, but it kinda died. 3 months later, he just emailed me out of the blue (he appologized and acknowledges he's really crappy at keeping in touch, which mutual friend has already said he was crappy at). So how on earth do I read this? I emailed him back a friendly note, and although it's only been a few days, I dont really know what else to do. I dont know him well enough to be so forward and tell him I want to see him. He seems cool, someone i'd like to get to know. Not sure how much further it'd go tho without knowing him more. There's another guy as well. He'll email me a bit, and things will just fizzle out. People have told me in the past that I must get hit on all the time. Online I do. Offline, zip. And I try to be interested when people are talking to me. I know I am a bit reserved, but I do smile and take an interest when people are talking. But I fear I give the impression that I'm everyone's kid sister. Cute, but noone takes seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 Simple ploy, if you are interested and a man and he smells nice, tell him he smells yummy - or nice- or something along that line, WHILE you are looking him straight in the eyes. Do not look away. Another thing to compliment on is his voice - if it is inviting... Try it, men love compliments, but you have to choose something that they will catch on to without crossing the line with a stranger.... Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 However, in public, I tend to get approached by the crazy guys offering me candy (true story). I'd like to figure out how I can get normal guys to approach me. Normal guys never approach women in public, not directly. Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 Normal guys never approach women in public, not directly. That's always been my theory,too.. only the weird ones. Link to post Share on other sites
Rosalind Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 Normal guys never approach women in public, not directly. This response is right on...... Link to post Share on other sites
michelangelo Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 I'm thinking you could approach someone in a bookstore who is leafing through some book and ask if they like that book. then take if from there. Link to post Share on other sites
kittenpants Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 That's a great suggestion. Again, in the book I'm reading, it says the whole point is to be aware. We tend to have blinders on as we go through our day. The idea is to remove those blinders. If someone is attractive and appears to be single, say something. A simple hello or how's that book will suffice. What can you lose? Thinking about the benefit/loss ratio has really helped me in this... not that I've had many opportunities offline, but I'm working on it!! Link to post Share on other sites
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