Should I be feeling suspicious? Sorry a bit long ...

[snoppy22]

This is my first post here and I have seen many good advises being posted here so I thought I seek your advise on this matter.

 

I am staying with my girlfriend for 1 year. We are both getting along well and we tend to be spending the times outside our jobs together. Intimacy between us is also sufficient. We are planning to get married later this year.

 

I have been cheated by a partner in past relationship so I used to have this trust problem. It used to be when things were not well, I tend to imagine the worst scenerio and think that my gf might be cheating on me. I have been recently having some issues mainly with lesser time spent with her after she has started on her new job 2 months ago and my suspicious mood has hit an all time high but I have been doing my own curbing/brain washing and I am feeling better in control now.

 

A little on our current life - at home we do have time to ourselves and she spent most of her personal time on the internet on her own laptop. I knew she has been quite protective over her laptop in that she tend to lock the screen etc when she is away/taking her shower etc. Intially I was not used to it but I have convinced myself that everyone needs their privacy so I should judge her current behaviour then worry too much about what is in her laptop.

 

There is also a few traits of her worth taking note of and that is when she is stressed up, she will be adsolutely silent. She literally shuts herself off despite my attempts to communicate. Also if she is tired, she will basically hop off to bed irregardless of the timing.

 

Earlier this week, she told me she had to attend a department dinner yesterday but will be home before 10pm. Yesterday afternoon, she was in good mood and we exchanged a few sweet text msg via the mobile. She called up around 9pm saying that the dinner has ended and she is on her way back. She come home and her mood was not the same. She was in her "shutoff" mood and did not really want to talk. She just spent her time on the internet. I asked if she was alright and she said she was drained out by the department dinner. She said she was stressed because she had to be careful with conversation with her peers even then because she does not trust them so much. She washed up and we retired to bed early. Before sleeping, we spoke a little but chemistry was not really there (we tend to kiss and cuddle before we sleep even if we do not have sex).

 

This morning we woke up but she was still behaving a little distant. After the morning shower, I suggested sex and she obliged; but we had a little difficulty because she was not really in the mood. She was feeling not that responsive/sensitive to my touches. That made me lose my mood as well as I seem to be thinking something was not right. She wanted to get dressed but I suggested staying in bed and take it easy since it is weekend and we have no plans. After some talking and touching, we were able to complete our session and it was after that that I feel her mood started to become alright.

 

For me I am not in a position to ask her if anything was not right because there was once when she just started work for about a month; and I was sometimes getting that "shutoff" mode from her during the week so I actually ask her if she is seeing someone. That made her quite upset and she thought that I need to sort out my own demon for not trusting her.

 

And sometimes a series of "coincidental" actions eg. her coming home later; and then some cold shoulder, made me cannot help letting my imagination run wild.

 

Many of the forum members are giving sound advise so please take me if there is any cause for me to get nervous this time. Also if you have anyway to observe and at the same time, not to be too panicky and jump into conclusion, I would like to hear your thoughts. Thank you for coming this far.

[JackJack]

The things that stuck out in my mind were, her locking her screen on her laptop (before getting in the shower). Her mood totally changing and being happy before she left for her dinner meeting. Then her returning home to say she was drained from her meeting and the fact her mood went from happy when she left, to acting weird when she returned.

 

 

What do you feel that tells you? I say something is fishy. Next time shes on her laptop, go over and sit next to her, see how she acts. Do you ever see anything shes on or doing on the internet? Why did she not invite you to go along with her to this dinner meeting? Were spouses or s/o's not invited?

[snoppy22]

Normally I know she browse some sites and does her emails. She does not chat on the messenger.

 

Also the department dinner is for her department only. No families or spouse. She did mention that she hated such dinners so this time she had to go because it was meant to be some welcome dinner for the newly joins for the past 2 months. She is not going to join future ones since there were people who excused themselves from the dinner as well.

 

I did not think anything happened but I was just wondering if she had been meeting someone and come home feeling bad/guilty?

 

What does the ladies on the forum think?

[Guest]

i know how confusing the situation you are in is. I am going through almost the same thing with my b/f. i wish i could give you good advice but unfortunately I have bad trust issues as well. i basically just wanted you to know you arent the only one going through this.

 

I bet you are like me, i been surfin this website trying to find scenario's that match mine until finally i realize i need to post my own problem to get insight.

 

The only reason i act the way your girl is acting is to make my bf think something is up because i think he has been doing something fishy. yeah immature and really dumb i know buuuut anyway. have yall had problems before? its seems really weird if she is doing all this out of nowhere. something is goin on whether its stress or something/someone else.

 

best thing to do is talk to her bout it. If you dont trust what she is saying then you may need to take action. but if you trust her and yall talk about then dont worry bout it.

[Guest]

Hi, snoppy. I just have to point out that some people naturally have the desire to be alone and quiet and private when they are upset and stressed out. For instance, I don't like to talk about my day or anything with my husband for about half an hour after I get home from work. It's because I need to unwind, not because there is an actual problem worth discussing.

If she is consistently silent whenever there is a actual problem, then that is not good. There is nothing more annoying than being in a relationship with a person and having to ask them "What's wrong?" and listen to them keep saying, "Nothing," until you finally coax them to talk. You have to be willing to be honest about when something is wrong for a relationship to work. But that is its own problem and does not mean that she is cheating. She would have to be a pretty horrible person to make up an elaborate story like a work dinner she had to go to, in order to meet up with someone else. You know her, so does it seem more likely that she would really make something like that up, or that you would imagine it because you are insecure? And possibly the fact that you may be spending less time together because of her new job may lead you to fears that you will grow apart, making you feel more insecure now? I only ask b/c I had an ex who took issue with me going to college while I worked and spending time on homework, very frustrating since I couldn't do much (unless i would've dropped out). Anyway, my 2 cents, maybe it helps.