6 month love triangle

[ultimate_stunner]

I came to uni knowing who I was but kind of denying myself of it. I always knew i liked girls as well as guys. But I had never admitted to myself or anyone else for that matter that I was in fact Bi-sexual.

 

When I got to uni one of the first person I met was Bi. So I felt a lot more comfortable opening up about it. Then we met some other girls on campus who we became close to and would see everyday and go out with. One in particular, I got very close to, telling her about how I felt about girls and how i liked one girl she lived with who was staight. That went on for a couple of weeks and I started to get rid of my crush for the one girl and realised more and more that I had genuine stronger feelings for this girl who i'd gotten so close to.

 

I tried to tel myself it was wrong to think like it though. Cause she did infact have a boyfriend. But I knew she'd been in a relationship with a girl before. So I saw a chance that she might feel the same way about me.

 

We'd stay together everynight. Fall alseep downstairs in the kitchen on the sofas and just have tickles and cuddles for hours. It was like nothing i'd ever had before.

 

Maybe I should tell you a bit about myself. Before I came to uni i'd only ever kissed a guy. I thought I was ready for more... but i'd never gotten into anything serious enough with a guy to take it further. I wanted it all to be special. So I met this girl at uni who made me feel on top of the world and Saturday the 25th of October comes and it all started...

 

I'd stayed over like I did everynight for the past 2 weeks. We woke up on the Saturday morning and the tickles started again just like every morning. Except this time it fell into a kiss and then more. But i'm not gonna write some lesbian erotica story about it all

 

Anyway, all that weekend I didn't think about her boyfriend once. It was perfect. It was just me and her and it was more than I could have ever imagined to have with someone. I knew I was ready to do everything we did. And I thought I was doing it with the right person...

 

The weeks went by and she'd talk to her boyfriend on the phone pretty much everyday and i'd be there listening to her tell him she loves him and she missed him. It got on my nerves but i figured if i stayed quiet we would last longer cause she seemed happy with not having to choose.

 

The point when I couldn't do it anymore was when i'd been home for the weekend and left home at 9am (I live in Birmingham and go to uni in Brighton) which was early considering I should have spent time with my family, and raced back to Uni to see her. I knew her boyfriend had been there all weekend but she said he would be gone by the time I got back. In fact he wasn't gone he was still there and I had to sit in a room with them cuddling. Then they went upstairs and although she'd said she didn't want to have sex with him (for reasons I can't go into cause it's her business but they even seemed genuine and i felt sorry for her) she still had sex with him. While I was directly below. I went back to my flat and as soon as he'd gone she got me to go back to hers.

 

I was upset and told her that it was hard for me to know they were having sex when all I wanted was her to myself. She comforted me and then we proceeded to have sex which I never thought about till recently... that less than an hour before... she'd been shagging him.

 

So christmas came... and I was at home... The first night she rang me crying cause she'd had sex with him not wanting to but out of "duty". Feeling more sorry for her and feeling more upset myself that he was being intimate with her I snapped and told her she had to choose. even tho I always said i'd never make her. I couldn't stand it anymore. She couldn't have us both.

 

I never expected her to choose me. What I didn't realise was she never actuallty chose properly. I didn't know the upset and hurt would continue for another 4 months.

 

( I know this is long and if you're getting bored then fair enough but i'm trying to get down 6 months worth of s***)

 

Everything seemed fine after xmas. Even though over xmas after they were meant to be split up they still spent boxing day together and new years eve. Which annoyed me to say the least but i trusted her. I trusted what she told me that nothing was going on and it was purely becasue plans had already been made that couldn't be broken. Then when uni started again, She was so "in love with me" as she'd said before xmas too. I was so in love with her. Like i'd told her so many times. I went home one weekend and before I went I found my car covered in heart shaped post its saying "I love you" "i'm in love with you". It seemed perfect. Her boyfriend was gone. I was on top of the world. I had something i'd longed for, for a good 2 years. I finally had a lover.

 

Mid January came however, and after a few arguments with her, normal ones that every couple has, I found out she'd text him and told him that she still loved him. He knew after new years eve that she'd cheated on him with me. And he was mad about it. But her words of love drew him in. (They'd been together for 4 years. That's always the excuse I hear when I say why can't you let go.)

 

Reading week came just before valentines. And more trouble brewed as she said she'd call in a minute at about 7:30pm... and 12:30am came... still no call... and her phone had been turned off. I knew she was sat in some street somewhere at home in london thinking about stuff on her own in her car. So in panic I assumed something had happened. When she called I was so relieved. She said her phone had been off so she could have some time alone. I asked... "were you with him" She said no. I didn't believe her. So the next morning I asked again. This time the reply was "yes I was it was his street I was sat in and he saw me accidently". Aparently she lied so I wouldn't get upset.

 

Far from happy now an argument broke out cause I pictured them f***ing on the back seat of her car. It was horrible. But she promised nothing has happened sexual. Which I do believe her about.

 

The arguments continued up to the day before Valentines when we were on the bus to sainsburys. I was going there because she'd told me she only likes orange smarties... and i'd seen some tea lights i wanted to get to put round her room. Before valentines she'd told me she wasn't in love with me anymore. Because I had become this jealous person as far as her ex boyfriend was concerned.

 

the way I saw it I had every right to be jealous because she was still in contact with him saying she loved him not actually breaking up with him properly.

 

She'd gone on how she wanted to make valentines really special for me... Cause i'd never had it before which is true it was a big deal to me but i refused and said don't bother since she'd been seeing him behind my back. And i felt like crap that now she wasn't in love with me cause i'd got jealous.

 

On the bus she turned to one of our friends and said "are you coming to ours for a big group valentines dinner". immediately I was upset. If she really wanted to make it special and it be just us would she not just do it? She'd told me she was gonna do it anyway. Then She does this in front of me. so I was off with her. And it pissed her off so she started texting her boyfriend again saying she wanted to go home for valentines. AKA be with him.

 

I found that out on valentines morning. Because during the months i'd tkaen to reading her texts to check she wasn't up to anything. and 9 times out of 10 i'd find something out... liek she'd said "i still love you" and hadn't told me she'd been texting. Anyone else who Icould trust i wouldn't go throught their phone. It's not like me. But she put the worry into me. As each time I did it i found somehting out. And this time was no different. And we argued. And I gave in. crawled back to her. Accepted what she said to be the truth.

 

She'd offer me the world. Then throw it back in my face with her lies. But i'd still come back for more. Something was telling me to stay that it would all work out.

 

After more discussions... her telling me she didn;t want her boyfriend anymore... I was what she wanted... Things finally seemed ok. Then 2 weeks later... She said she couldn't shake her feelings for him so she was going to get abck with him... me and her could stay close friends and all that but nothing more could happen between us.

 

this came after many attempts by me to walk away. But each one failed cause she told me she wanted me... needed me... loved me.

 

So we split. For all of 3 or 4 days... She'd been home to rebuild her relationship with him. I'd been here at uni sobbing over it... questioning why I wasn't good enough. But she came back... and for the next few days there was still a spark between us. She's say it was hard not to do stuff. I'd say i understood but she'd chosen him so she coudn't have me. We'd end up almost kissing... but someone would walk in.

 

A monday night came.. and we went to the pier for a walk. It was the day before pancake day. And there we ended up letting go and kissing. We spent the night together.. jjust like every other night. Eveen tho she was still meant to be getting back with him. She still slept with me.. had sex with me... told me she wanted me... and i thought she'd leave him.

 

Then she went home.. and told him she wanted her uni life... and that he should date other girls... came back to me.. and i thought things were good again...

 

but now he's texting her still.. saying he loves her... and wants her... and she isn't telling him she's back with me... never really stopped stuff with me... so he's holding on... and she's seeing him tonight to talk about their past and some stuff and i feel like total s***... cause he still wants her... she still has feelings for him...

 

Am I wrong to worry?

Am I wrong to want her to let him go and be striaght with him?

 

His best mate came to see another girl at uni last night... and we had to hide stuff so he doesn't go back and tell he "ex" boyfriend. So he doesnt get hurt. What about me getting hurt?

 

It's ruining me... I can't control my emotion when i get upset and it's really f***ing me over... What should I do??

 

This isn't the whole story it's been but down a lot! There's a lot more to it to do with me lying to my family... upsetting them.... all for our relationship's sake. I've done everything to make her see i'm devoted to her... why can't she return the favour?

 

Sorry it was so long.

 

Lucy x

[MadDog]

Unless you're ready to be in a 3 way relationship with her and that guy, and I don't think you are, you're probably better off finding a girl that is totally single and doesn't have all the baggage that your current girl has. I know it's difficult because you have all your emotions involved but try to take a step back and realize what's going on here.

 

She's the first girl you've been with. In a way it's kind of like being in your first relationship all over again. The first time is always extra hard when it doesn't work out and I'm sorry to be the bringer of bad news but things aren't working out between you two.

 

So I say just take a break from her for a while and reorient yourself. If you get bored you can write that lesbian erotica story. We really won't mind.

 

MD

[LongTallSally]

it sounds like she's walking all over you because you are letting her. it seems a little desperate on your part, and that can be a huge turn-off.

 

it seems more like an obsession for you than love, and for her, well...i don't know what it is but it's not love.