Jim Posted September 18, 2001 Share Posted September 18, 2001 My 2nd ex hates me so much. I really didn't treat her well and hurt her in the past, giving bad impression to her friends and family. I really want to re-establish a relation of friend with her, in order to take care her, to love her (not as a bf, as i know it is hopeless). I really want to do so, as i lose the most love one in world trade and lern that life is very short and fragile, we got to catch every chance. Otherwise there will be regret only. I have run out of all "dirty tricks" , " cunning plans" to do that, coz i have tried twice in the past. Any suggestion or experience to share. I think a correct psychological analysis can benefit me to assess her thought and make adjustment to my strategy. Please be serious Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted September 18, 2001 Share Posted September 18, 2001 Forget your ex and being friends with her. When you treat people nasty, they want nothing more to do with you unless they are crazy. Move forward, make new friends, find new romance and start treating people decently. If you are mean to people, especially your girlfriends, that behavior will always come back to haunt you, as you have now realized. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted September 18, 2001 Share Posted September 18, 2001 While it's good that you have reflected on your past misdeeds and have decided to turn over a new leaf in light of last week's horror, you don't seem to have grasped a fundamental point: people do not exist to serve your convenience. Your ex girlfriend shouldn't have to trouble herself to make a place in her life for the new-and-improved you just because you've realized that you want to be different. When we hurt other people we need to humbly accept the fact that they consequently don't respect us or care for us. We can honor them by learning from our mistakes and not repeating them with new people. If you sincerely recognize the ways that you were cruel toward your ex girlfriend then you must realize that you have no right to expect her to reconsider her low opinion of you, no matter how much you have changed. Link to post Share on other sites
Kiz Posted September 18, 2001 Share Posted September 18, 2001 I don't know what you did to your ex, but, by your own admission, you weren't too nice. Two years ago, I was in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. My ex found a woman (Harvard Law educated, no less) who was willing to hang out with him even though she knew he was with me. When I found out, I lost it...this man had beaten me, but told her I was crazy. She called me on the phone and proceeded to discuss details of my sex life with him and tell me how bad he said I was in bed. When I slapped him, he beat me up. She told me I deserved it and they both proceeded to tell others that I was the one trying to break them up. I am still in weekly therapy. Again, I don't know what you did, hopefully, it wasn't near as bad as my situation, but understand that when you deliberately mistreat another person, you destroy something in them. Of course, they will become stronger and wiser, but they will also never forget the pain of having loved foolishly. PTSD is no joke. Pain gets better, it never gets gone. Maybe you need to ask yourself why you want to be her friend? Do you need her to forgive you? I forgave my ex long ago, but, I don't want to be his friend. I think you may also have some control issues...people who mistreat/abuse others often do. The fact that she may not want to deal with you is out of your control and maybe you can't stand that. If you've really changed and you really care (which I'm not too sure about), leave her in peace. If she knows where to find you and wants to, she will. Link to post Share on other sites
Jim Posted September 18, 2001 Share Posted September 18, 2001 we love in the past. Really no more change for pure friendship??? Maybe i really have to think about some "dirty trick", "cunning plan"..but run out this type of trick recently. Forget your ex and being friends with her. When you treat people nasty, they want nothing more to do with you unless they are crazy. Move forward, make new friends, find new romance and start treating people decently. If you are mean to people, especially your girlfriends, that behavior will always come back to haunt you, as you have now realized. Link to post Share on other sites
BeenThere Posted September 18, 2001 Share Posted September 18, 2001 Will NOT win you love---or friendships. You haven't "changed" at all! Sorry to jump on this one, Tony. Couldn't sit on my hands after this one! we love in the past. Really no more change for pure friendship??? Maybe i really have to think about some "dirty trick", "cunning plan"..but run out this type of trick recently. Link to post Share on other sites
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