The unbelievable realities of divorce

[Mz. Pixie]

I know of a recently dirvorced couple.

 

Long time friends of mine and not to get into specifics, but the Wife is the cheater, left H and is already engaged to the OM, all of this in less than a year.

 

Anyway...

 

They did not get lawyers, but did the paperwork themselves and were quite cordial about it, and agreed on everything. Came down to Him paying $2800 per month for support and maintance. She gets the house, he keeps his business. They split the CC dept and 2nd mortgage. They have jpint custody of the kids and share days equally.

 

Judge looked over the paperwork and said....NO WAY...H was paying too much.

 

So now his final legal payment is $1560 per month total and he owes 40K on the 2nd mortage, which he has ten years to payoff.

 

So now she is just hurting for money, ask for extra all the time. But he is staying firm and said, you got your money already, and you choose this, NOT me....he actually said, "You left this gravy train, not me"

 

She works partime, has a $1500 month house payment and $700 per month car payment. She refuses to sell the vehicle and if she sold the house, she might break even cause there is no equity due to 2nd mortage they took out to fix up the house.

 

My buddy (the H) is a very decent man, and hey, she fell oput of love, found an OM and wanted the D. He has accepted it and is moving on.....as for the Wife....I here she is unsure of getting married to the OM and that she realises she made a HUGE mistake.....and now is feeling the money problems that come with divorce

 

Personally, I feel nothing for her....she choose this, and now finally my buddy is holding his ground after years of being walked on....good for him

 

TMW- I actually asked the original poster if perhaps his wife is upset now because he's seeing someone?? I never got an answer.

[orpheus]

Sorry Pixie, I missed your question. Yes she is very upset. The kids have an impact as the person has met them and they seem to like them. I believe this has had a significant impact. Also, I beleive my ex is just now going through the grieving stage of the relationship for the first time.

[MadDog]

Hopefully I'll never been in your situation but I've always wondered, what exactly is the idea behind spousal support/alimony? I mean, if 2 people get a divorce, why does one ever owe the other spousal support? It seems like the man always ends up paying the woman. Should they just rename it "bitch's exit fee" or something?

[Woggle]

I know of a recently dirvorced couple.

 

Long time friends of mine and not to get into specifics, but the Wife is the cheater, left H and is already engaged to the OM, all of this in less than a year.

 

Anyway...

 

They did not get lawyers, but did the paperwork themselves and were quite cordial about it, and agreed on everything. Came down to Him paying $2800 per month for support and maintance. She gets the house, he keeps his business. They split the CC dept and 2nd mortgage. They have jpint custody of the kids and share days equally.

 

Judge looked over the paperwork and said....NO WAY...H was paying too much.

 

So now his final legal payment is $1560 per month total and he owes 40K on the 2nd mortage, which he has ten years to payoff.

 

So now she is just hurting for money, ask for extra all the time. But he is staying firm and said, you got your money already, and you choose this, NOT me....he actually said, "You left this gravy train, not me"

 

She works partime, has a $1500 month house payment and $700 per month car payment. She refuses to sell the vehicle and if she sold the house, she might break even cause there is no equity due to 2nd mortage they took out to fix up the house.

 

My buddy (the H) is a very decent man, and hey, she fell oput of love, found an OM and wanted the D. He has accepted it and is moving on.....as for the Wife....I here she is unsure of getting married to the OM and that she realises she made a HUGE mistake.....and now is feeling the money problems that come with divorce

 

Personally, I feel nothing for her....she choose this, and now finally my buddy is holding his ground after years of being walked on....good for him

 

She made her bed now she has to lay in it.

[Mz. Pixie]

Sorry Pixie, I missed your question. Yes she is very upset. The kids have an impact as the person has met them and they seem to like them. I believe this has had a significant impact. Also, I beleive my ex is just now going through the grieving stage of the relationship for the first time.

 

She's using your haste to get rid of her as a bargaining tool in the divorce proceedings, period. Possibly a strategy that her attorney suggested. I can tell you because my exhusband did the same thing to me. I wanted out, and quick and he used that against me to get what he wanted.

 

Funny thing is, he thinks he won, but in reality I didn't care about all the material things- house, car, boats etc. I just wanted out.

[climbergirl]

Hopefully I'll never been in your situation but I've always wondered, what exactly is the idea behind spousal support/alimony? I mean, if 2 people get a divorce, why does one ever owe the other spousal support? It seems like the man always ends up paying the woman. Should they just rename it "bitch's exit fee" or something?

 

When my ex and I got married in '88, he had just started his business-If I would have gone to work, my salary would have been a wash (factoring in daycare). Once he was making a good deal more money, there wasn't a reason for me to work outside the home esp. since we had 3 kids. At one point, I did want to get a part-time job and my ex was totally against it-thought it reflected poorly on him. Bad decision on my part to not follow through.

 

However, my taking all responsibility for school, kids, house did help him focus on catering to the demands of having his own business.

 

BTW-I do know of men who have received alimony.

 

signed-

bitch

[catgirl1927]

My ex tried to use my haste to get it over with as a way to get more money from me. It didn't work, because he was too cheap to hire his own lawyer. He thought he could hire one and have them bill me, but they said no, that they would bill him and he would pay them out of what he got from me. IF he won.

 

Men do get alimony. All the time. It's not just women who laze around, make no money and then stick it to the spouse when the marriage is over. But the guys here will never accept that fact, so there's no need to press.

[climbergirl]

My ex tried to use my haste to get it over with as a way to get more money from me. It didn't work, because he was too cheap to hire his own lawyer. He thought he could hire one and have them bill me, but they said no, that they would bill him and he would pay them out of what he got from me. IF he won.

 

Men do get alimony. All the time. It's not just women who laze around, make no money and then stick it to the spouse when the marriage is over. But the guys here will never accept that fact, so there's no need to press.

 

The fact is, alimony is usually given to stay at home parents. JMO, but I'll never think raising kids full time is a 'lazy' job.

[catgirl1927]

The fact is, alimony is usually given to stay at home parents. JMO, but I'll never think raising kids full time is a 'lazy' job.

 

I don't think so either. But I disagree that alimony usually goes to stay at home parents. My ex tried for alimony, and we had no kids. How many ex-trophy wives are there out there riding the alimony pony? I don't think moms with young kids (now if your kids are in high school, get a job) are what ANYONE was talking about.

[Mz. Pixie]

See I don't understand it. I was the one who wanted the divorce- why shouldn't I give him the house, etc?? It never occurred to me to press for it. We'd both worked for it but why should he pay me alimony when I was the one who wanted the divorce?

[SmoochieFace]

I would never marry a woman who insists on staying home... uh-uh... no way baby.

 

I don't believe in *money for nuthin'*.

[Woggle]

I would never marry a woman who insists on staying home... uh-uh... no way baby.

 

I don't believe in *money for nuthin'*.

 

I hear that. She has to earn her own money which my fiance does.

[climbergirl]

I don't think so either. But I disagree that alimony usually goes to stay at home parents. My ex tried for alimony, and we had no kids. How many ex-trophy wives are there out there riding the alimony pony? I don't think moms with young kids (now if your kids are in high school, get a job) are what ANYONE was talking about.

 

 

I was originally directing my comment to MD who said he didn't understand the concept of alimony. I was stating the flip side......and after rereading the thread......there wasn't any.

 

I do agree, however, that if there are no kids involved alimony is a greedy move. But I still don't agree that alimony is a unilateral decision per the court. There usually has to be a compelling argument (i.e.kids and disparity in income) to award alimony.

 

You stated that your ex tried to get alimony...........did he?

[mental_traveller]

Alimony in principle is totally fair IMO. I mean if I had to do 50% of the work bringing up 2 or 3 kids in a family, and spend 1-2 hours a day after work on bills, insurance, tidying and other crap, there's no doubt that I would make less money at work. I'd be distracted, more tired, less focused, have less of an aggressive attitude to succeeding etc. If I'm living with a woman and she handles all that, it would directly contribute to my financial wellbeing. So if you actually get married, then it would be totally unfair to write off the wife's contribution to the financial side of the family. When you consider that she may have given up 20 years of her life for the family, missing out entirely on career & earning potential, then alimony is simply a way to compensate her for that. She contributed a lot to the husband's ability to focus on work & make money, so she deserves a fair share of it.

 

If it's a guy staying at home and woman working, then it should be the other way round too. Also depending on the work etc, the alimony should reflect the wife's contribution. I mean Tiger Woods' wife shouldn't be entitled to much of his fortune beyond a normal settlement & reasonable child support if they get divorced, because her contribution to his career isn't that big. He would have made virtually the same without her. Whereas if she had worked overtime to pay for his golf lessons when he was 16, and that made the difference in his success, then she should be entitled to a lot.

 

Now obviously in practise, the courts are biased against men and often award ludicrous alimony and child support payments. Child support goes to the mother rather than the child, and she can spend it as she pleases. It is simply assumed that a rich man would have spent a fortune on his kids, with no evidence that this is in fact the case (a skinflint billionaire may well only spend a sendible & moderate amount on his kids rather than spoil them for life, but the courts will still give a massive award to the mother of his child regardless). And there are some ludicrous assumptions about the wife's contribution to a husband's career sometimes (or vice versa with high earning women).

 

Bottom line - if you don't like these laws, then don't get married, and don't have unprotected sex with someone you don't trust 100% to be taking contraception! Pretty simple really. If you wanna get married, realise that you may get stiffed by divorce courts if things go bad, regardless of how good your prenup is.

[SmoochieFace]

Bottom line - if you don't like these laws, then don't get married, and don't have unprotected sex with someone you don't trust 100% to be taking contraception! Pretty simple really. If you wanna get married, realise that you may get stiffed by divorce courts if things go bad, regardless of how good your prenup is.

 

Exactly.

 

I was married once but I was lucky. A completely uncontested divorce with no alimony and no haggling over assets. Think I may be as lucky the second time around? Think again.

 

I already have... and the answer is no way. No more walks down the aisle.