me...

[youna]

my boyfriend had checked my email and he seen an email from my x boyfriend. what had made it so crazy was that i had ended up writing him bac... now im not the type to cheat. i never had ,and to my knowledge that isn't cheating,but my boyfriend took it as that. now i didnt write him bac for my own purpose...i was trying to get advice from him to better my relationship. was it so wrong that i wrote him bac...should that incident make us break up?

[Guest]

my boyfriend had checked my email and he seen an email from my x boyfriend. what had made it so crazy was that i had ended up writing him bac... now im not the type to cheat. i never had ,and to my knowledge that isn't cheating,but my boyfriend took it as that. now i didnt write him bac for my own purpose...i was trying to get advice from him to better my relationship. was it so wrong that i wrote him bac...should that incident make us break up?

 

Your boyfriend should not check your email without your permission. However, it's not the greatest idea to talk about your current relationship with an ex. If you need advice on relationships, talk to your clergyman or try an online relationship forum like this one. As for your bf breaking up with you over it, I guess it might depend on how much and what sorts of things you told the ex - your bf might have felt his privacy was violated by you.

[Spectre]

It would kinda piss me off if my gf was asking her ex for advice about us, thats a low blow I can tell you that, if your bf knows about it he definitely has a right to be upset. Every person is different, I personally don't see any reason for my gf to talk to her ex, he's an ex for a reason and they broke up for a reason, they dont need to keep sharing ideas and advice etc. As I said, even if he's ok with you IM'ing your ex maybe he just doesnt want you telling him the business of your relationship, or maybe he just doesnt want you to talk to him at all, I'd find out why he was upset and then well..up to you if u wanna stop talking to ur ex, altho i'd suggest it.

[catgirl1927]

I would be upset if my BF checked my email and went snooping through it. That should be a red flag for you.

[Bryanp]

I think it is terribly insulting to your boyfriend to ask your ex-BF to give you advise on your current relationship. How would you feel if your boyfriend was writing to his former girlfriend for advise on your relationship? Let's be serious. There is more to this. Why would you trust your ex-boyfriend to give you valid advise if the first place? If he was so smart then why is he your ex? I think if you look within yourself you will know that this was a means to stay in contact with your ex. If I were your boyfriend I would be very angry also. How can you not see this?

[Spectre]

I would be upset if my BF checked my email and went snooping through it. That should be a red flag for you.

 

maybe, then again I'd be upset if my gf gave me her password and then whined cuz i checked it

 

 

How many times have we seen topics where one person was reading anothers mail, or someone left their email open and their s/o read it and found out theyre emailing an ex or something, im sorry but the real lesson is: If youre gonna email an ex, frickin HIDE IT, do not go off and email some letter to your ex bf if you KNOW that your current bf has your password, similarly dont leave your email open if again you have been doing something you should not be doing cuz 9 times out of 10 your bf/gf is going to check, so common sense should dictate, as it did to the little kid who kept touching the stove and burning himself until he finally realized hey! this burns, so lets not touch it. Common sense should dictate if youre gonna email ur ex behind ur bf/gfs back, atleast dont be a dumb*ss and leave it open or give your bf ur password, im not saying snooping into your bf/gf's email is right, im just saying expect it, same with the genius's who think they can go on myspace and post 'so and so is so hot i wanna screw him' when at the same time they have bf. Its just annoying topic after topic, if you leave ur email open, or you give ur bf/gf ur password, expect it to be checked, if you have a myspace, expect it to be checked, common sense people, common sense.

[catgirl1927]

I agree, it's incredibly stupid. You would think if they weren't hiding it, it's because they have nothing to hide. But people can be incredibly arrogant. Esp someone who thinks they have someone by the short hairs and can do whatever they want.

[LongTallSally]

now i didnt write him bac for my own purpose...i was trying to get advice from him to better my relationship.

 

oh, come ON.

[MadDog]

What is it with guys and girls checking their gf and bf's e-mails? How do they even get access to it? On one hand, yeah it was probably a mistake for you to ask your ex for relationship advice. Would you feel good if he was talking to his ex about sex advice? ("Was it better for you from behind or did you prefer the reverse cowgirl position?") It's not too unrelated.

 

On the other hand, what's he doing checking your e-mail anyway? Unless you specifically asked him to check your e-mail so he can delete your spam messages or something, that's pretty damn shady. I remember an ex of mine went through my cell phone at one point and that's when I realized she's nuts and felt the need to hit the eject button.

 

And to Spectre, you say that 9 out of 10 people would check their gf's e-mail if it were left open. I don't know about how often they would but I would never do that. I'd feel like I'm violating her privacy (cause I would be) and would feel like a total creep doing it. And if I found nothing (which would most likely be the case if the girl I'm dating is cool), then what? Do I tell her, "Oh honey, I went through your e-mail and congrats! I didn't find anything I should be mad about. Let's go make out!" I'd expect her to slap me in the face or even worse, withhold sex for weeks if I did something like that.

 

MD

[RecordProducer]

I don't think anybody has a right to tell us whom we're going to write or ask for advice. My husband knows that I have a friend in Canada I exchange emails with regularly for over a year. He knows that this friend of mine knows everything about me and our relationship. I don't think he is particularly thrilled with that, but he doesn't really care and has never told me anything about it.

 

I know nobody is happy to know that their partner tells a third party all about their relationship, but it's far from cheating. As long as your friendship is innocent and doesn't get into flirting, there's nothing he can complain about. Next time tell him that what you're doing is none of his business unless you're cheating or flirting, which you are NOT.

[MadDog]

I don't think anybody has a right to tell us whom we're going to write or ask for advice. My husband knows that I have a friend in Canada I exchange emails with regularly for over a year. He knows that this friend of mine knows everything about me and our relationship. I don't think he is particularly thrilled with that, but he doesn't really care and has never told me anything about it.

 

I know nobody is happy to know that their partner tells a third party all about their relationship, but it's far from cheating. As long as your friendship is innocent and doesn't get into flirting, there's nothing he can complain about. Next time tell him that what you're doing is none of his business unless you're cheating or flirting, which you are NOT.

 

So your Canadian friend knows whether you prefer the reverse cowgirl position?

 

MD

[basscatcher]

a few things:

 

When my Xbf finally picked up his puter from his Xgf and brougt it home I set it up when he went to work. Upon starting it and logging on a email msg popped up from the womans email account and out of curiosity i clicked on it and opened it.

Upon opening it I found emails to and from my bf.. I was shocked.. He was telling me that he and her were over with. He moved to me 5 1/2 hours away from her to another state. I had spoken to her on the phone and she said she let him go so he could be with me and start a new life because she knew she couldn't make him happy..

 

Well, Well my suspicions were correct and her email confirmed it. I printed those emails and showed them to him. He was busted red handed.. I later found out they talked on the phone almost daily.. She didn't let go of him and once he left and came to me she keep reaching out to him anyway possible..

 

I had to read those emails because something wasn't right..

He and her are now married and still have the same problems they had before he met me... So live and learn they did not..

 

*** Now regarding talking with a X about current relationship problems I HAVE done this. but not to seek advice from him to correct my relationship but to ask him what I could improve about myself.

I knew this man would have insight for me of the things that use to bother the hell out of him about me. I knew he would be honest in his opinion.. We are on good terms..

[RecordProducer]

So your Canadian friend knows whether you prefer the reverse cowgirl position?

 

MD

Nooooooooo... we don't talk about sex. It's just life, what's going on, thoughts, feelings... like any two best friends that live close and have known each other for a long time. It's a very innocent friendship. We support each other and help each other get through difficult times. Our relationship has a deeper meaning and purpose than having fun and joke around.

 

I have Loveshack for when I want to walk my perversion outside.

[Sal Paradise]

I think I'd be a bit weirded out if my gf was writing her ex, and asking for advice regarding our relationship. I agree that you have the right to ask anyone you want for advice but why ask someone if asking them could potentially hurt the person you're trying to fix (or improve) the relationship with?

 

I'd consider it disrespectful. Of course I don't date people who are friends with their exe's so I'd never get into this situation to begin with.

[MadDog]

I think I'd be a bit weirded out if my gf was writing her ex, and asking for advice regarding our relationship. I agree that you have the right to ask anyone you want for advice but why ask someone if asking them could potentially hurt the person you're trying to fix (or improve) the relationship with?

 

I'd consider it disrespectful. Of course I don't date people who are friends with their exe's so I'd never get into this situation to begin with.

 

Dude. You are a true genius. Why can't everyone else just do what you do? It's so simple. If you don't like girls that talk to their exes, just don't date those type of girls! Instead many guys will invariably date the girl, get his emotions involved, and then start making demands that the girl stop talking to her ex.

 

Freakin' A. The next time someone complains about something concerning their significant other, I will ask, "Did you know this going into the relationship?" If they answer, "Yes, but. . .(any excuse here)", I will show up at their doorstep and give them a wicked piledriver.

 

Example:

 

Guy on loveshack: "Help, my girlfriend is a pornstar and I feel inadequate!!"

 

Me: "Did you know she was a pornstar before you two got together."

 

Guy: "Yes, but. . ."

 

Me: No response

 

Guy: "Hello, are you there?"

 

I show up 7 minutes later (no matter where he lives) and give him a piledriver, knocking him unconscious. He regains consciousness only to realize the error of his ways and never makes the same mistake again. The world is a better place, mission accomplished. And don't think you pretty girls, grandmas, kids, or even pets are safe out there. I will deliver a piledriver to anyone that breaks this rule, regardless of how pretty, old, or young you are.

 

MD

[RecordProducer]

I'd consider it disrespectful. Of course I don't date people who are friends with their exes so I'd never get into this situation to begin with.

So you ask every girl before your first date if she is friends with any of her exes and if her answer is positive, you just forget about her?

 

This is ridiculous. My husband is friends with a few of his exes and I really don't see how it jeopardizes our relationship. I was a little jealous at the beginning, but then I realized that they are just friends and there are no romantic feelings involved. The exes are usually the LAST people your partner would cheat on you with! (unless there are uncleared emotions they still cherish toward them). The problem with exes is that you assume that your partner still has feelings for them. More often than not, they never had any strong feelings for them or you would know.

 

I don't see how talking to an ex-lover is disrespectful toward anyone. If you don't trust your girl/guy, it's the new people that show up that you should be afraid of!

[Sal Paradise]

The exes are usually the LAST people your partner would cheat on you with! (unless there are uncleared emotions they still cherish toward them). The problem with exes is that you assume that your partner still has feelings for them.

 

I happen to believe that many (not all) cases where exe's remain friends (and its not a couple who share kids, thats a different situation) one or both of them still have unresolved feelings. I formed this belief from personal experience, its happened to me (twice I've had gf's cheat on me with a former boyfriend). I've seen it happen to other people. Hell I've read dozen's of stories of it happening to people on this board and other one's. To deny there is no connection is to ignore the facts. It doesn't mean all people who are friends with exe's will cheat (or have any feelings for the exe beyond friendship). But I've seen it happen enough to decide I'd rather not play with fire if it can avoided.

 

I know for myself I've never had the desire to remain friends with an ex. Most guys I know don't and the one's who do usually do so because some part of them wants to get back with that person. I understand your husband has a healthy friendships with exe's and thats great. There are always exceptions to the rule. But what works for you two doesn't always work for everyone else.

 

I've decided not to get involved with women who are friends with exe's. I see nothing wrong with that. My current girlfriend feels the same way. So I found someone who views relationships the same as I do. I think thats healthy.

[Spectre]

 

And to Spectre, you say that 9 out of 10 people would check their gf's e-mail if it were left open. I don't know about how often they would but I would never do that.

 

Its just common sense tho, if you are cheating on your gf, and emailing the girl your cheating with? dont frickin leave your email open with your gf around, maybe you yourself wouldnt do it, but most people would. I was also addressing people who exchange passwords with their bf/gfs, how they can not expect them to check it is beyond me.

 

I'd feel like I'm violating her privacy (cause I would be) and would feel like a total creep doing it.

 

It's a double edged sword, you might violate her privacy, but in doing so might find out she is cheating on you or whatever, now if you hadn't violated her privacy, you'd never know she was violating your trust, so who is right and who is wrong? Snooping is wrong, but if youre gonna email ex's or text ex's then atleast hide it, dont clumsily go into the kitchen with your hotmail open where your gf/bf can see a letter from some chick addressed "hey sexy" or something, cuz you know they will be reading that letter, just my 2 cents.

 

 

And if I found nothing (which would most likely be the case if the girl I'm dating is cool), then what? Do I tell her, "Oh honey, I went through your e-mail and congrats! I didn't find anything I should be mad about. Let's go make out!" I'd expect her to slap me in the face or even worse, withhold sex for weeks if I did something like that.

 

But what if you do find something? do you slap yourself on the wrist and say bad? i dont feel snooping is right, however emailing an ex about relationship advice isnt right either.

[Spectre]

Nooooooooo... we don't talk about sex. It's just life, what's going on, thoughts, feelings... like any two best friends that live close and have known each other for a long time. It's a very innocent friendship. We support each other and help each other get through difficult times. Our relationship has a deeper meaning and purpose than having fun and joke around.

 

I have Loveshack for when I want to walk my perversion outside.

 

You never dated this guy, never had sex with this guy, so its different. She's going to an ex boyfriend for advice about her current boyfriend, I really dont care how much "insight" this guy has, she could of gone to plenty of other sources, i mean hello..she came to an ADVICE board to post on how her bfs mad she asked for ADVICE from her ex, she didnt need to goto her ex, and 9 times out of 10 its a shady thing to do. she wasnt sharing info with a friend, she went to an ex bf.

[Spectre]

Dude. You are a true genius. Why can't everyone else just do what you do? It's so simple. If you don't like girls that talk to their exes, just don't date those type of girls! Instead many guys will invariably date the girl, get his emotions involved, and then start making demands that the girl stop talking to her ex.

 

 

Thing is, a lot of females will lie about having contact with their exes, whether its so their bf doesnt get mad or so she can just continue to do it. I'd never date a girl who talks to her exes either, but it seems like the OP didnt usually speak with her ex, so it seems odd she would goto him for advice.

[Spectre]

So you ask every girl before your first date if she is friends with any of her exes and if her answer is positive, you just forget about her?

 

Not in the way you put it, but in the "courting" stage I will try to find out if she keeps in contact with her ex's, and if so yeah, I pretty much forget about her, Ive dealt with far too much drama, and even if shes squeaky clean best friends with her ex, just isnt worth the risk to be honest.

 

This is ridiculous. My husband is friends with a few of his exes and I really don't see how it jeopardizes our relationship.

 

If you dont see how it jeopardizes a relationship, thats a bit naive, sure maybe you cant see how it effects your specific relationship, but if you've never heard of an ex causing trouble between a couple then well..you'd be lying if you claimed you did.

 

The exes are usually the LAST people your partner would cheat on you with! (unless there are uncleared emotions they still cherish toward them).

 

Just hit the nail on the head, there could be unclear emotions from one or both parties, this can lead to awkward situations, what about alcohol too? being drunk around an ex can lead to bad situations as well, bottom line? theres PLENTY of trouble an ex can cause and honestly if the girl/guy is serious about the relationship, they'd get rid of the ex from their life and focus on this new person, they are an ex for a reason.

 

The problem with exes is that you assume that your partner still has feelings for them. More often than not, they never had any strong feelings for them or you would know.

 

So youre saying more often than not most people were not serious about their ex's? right, thats just plain wrong. a lot of people have had one or two serious relationships.

 

I don't see how talking to an ex-lover is disrespectful toward anyone. If you don't trust your girl/guy, it's the new people that show up that you should be afraid of!

 

talking to an ex isnt disrespectful unless your bf/gf asked you not to, going to the ex for advice about the guy your with? totally disrespectful, i would be pissed if my gf was askin her ex for advice about me.

[MadDog]

Thing is, a lot of females will lie about having contact with their exes, whether its so their bf doesnt get mad or so she can just continue to do it. I'd never date a girl who talks to her exes either, but it seems like the OP didnt usually speak with her ex, so it seems odd she would goto him for advice.

 

Well if a girl is the type to lie about exes just so they can keep talking to them, they're not worth my time. It's no big deal to me if a girl I'm dating does but if she lies, that's a huge deal and she'll get a quick "next" from me.

 

MD

[Sal Paradise]

Well if a girl is the type to lie about exes just so they can keep talking to them, they're not worth my time. It's no big deal to me if a girl I'm dating does but if she lies, that's a huge deal and she'll get a quick "next" from me.

 

MD

 

 

Couldn't agree more.

 

Also it seems that women are usually the biggest defenders of friendships with exe's. Like I said I don't know one guy who has ever pursued a friendship with an ex that he didn't still have romantic feelings for. I'm not saying it never happens. But in general most the guys I know don't want to remain friends with a girlfriend they no longer have romantic feelings for.

 

Maybe its because guys don't like to be reminded of their failures. Out of sight out of mind.