The ex, that refused to go away......

[blind_otter]

 

And actually most women today are somewhat useless when it comes to cooking or cleaning. Im not sure how the tables changed, seems my generation doesnt know al dente from mushy ruined pasta. Perhaps this has something to do with up bringing.

 

You're kidding, right? You have to be kidding.

 

Denial is not a river in egypt.

 

I totally know that I am attracted to a certain type of man, for many reasons, that cannot offer the healthiest kind of relationship. That part, the picking the person part, is my fault. The interactions that happen beyond that, involve a mutual feedback loop of negative thinking and defensive behaviors that ultimately reacha crescendo that leads to the end of the relationship.

 

After that happens you have two options - (1) demonize your ex and/or all members of their gender, externalizing or (2) acknowledge the role that you played in allowing yourself to become involved in a relationship that did nothing more than victimize you.

 

If you go with (1) you feel better, but tend to get into the same kinds of destructive or bad relationships. If you go with (2) it's more painful but ultimately gives you the option of not allowing yourself to continue in the relationship pattern you seem to be locked into.

 

No one, AFAIK, seemed to attack you in any way. I've seen some vicious flames on this website. Your thread contained none of them.

[serial muse]

I guess looking back and since her, I have found all women to act the same.

 

So either its me or, all women are like that period.

 

I'm not saying that your ex isn't crazy needy. How would I know? There isn't a whole lot of info in your post about what exactly she did that's so crazy...and anyway, weirdly, you say you miss her. If she's such a pain in the a$$, I can't for the life of me see why you would.

 

Regardless, it would be easier to take your word for it that she was clingy and needy if you hadn't then extrapolated that behavior to all women. Blech. What was that flying out the window? Oh...credibility.

 

But what the hey. It's fun to spout off absolutes about an entire gender when you're feeling bitter and annoyed about things, yes?

 

As they say over at despair dot com -

 

Dysfunction: The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you.

 

In any case women act all sorts of odd ways. They all do it. You can deny it, but you dont have much control of your actions when it comes to romance. emotions come into play.

 

Dude. Here's a real-world example of where emotions might be coming into play:

 

A year and a half after breaking up with a clingy, needy woman with whom you "had to put up with a lot of crap", you're on a relationship forum trying to figure her out and what to say to her if she should contact you again, even if such contact should consist of nasty rants on her part. She still calls and emails, and you apparently haven't shut her down, because, apparently, you just don't want to, even though you apparently despise her and want her to go away. Uh huh. To wit: You're still attached. You don't really like her much, but you miss her and you don't want to be alone.

 

NOT rational. Emotional.

 

Not that there's anything wrong with that. Just stop separating yourself from the human race, please.

 

And actually most women today are somewhat useless when it comes to cooking or cleaning.

 

Totally. My mom can't boil pasta to save her life.

[dr strangelove]

You what

 

what I said about women, I can back that up with scientific data

 

Women experience chemical and hormonal changes when in love, also when they have a bad break up.

 

Henceforth I have only spoken the truth.

 

So when I said I was with other women since her and the acted the same, granted not as loopy. That explains it.

Sure I take the place of stimulis A, but my actions have little to do with anything.

 

Now my comment on women of my generation being a bit useless cooking and cleaning

 

My generation is Gen zero. Brought up on thundercats, transformers, tiny gijoe, starwars, atari.. some how most the females lost out on the cooking/cleaning factor. I think this is a shift towards more females joining the

work force.

 

Again I can most likely back this up with scientific data or census data.

 

In any case, I dont have a problem with this. I like to cook. Im very good at cleaning, I have even made a living from the later at times.

 

Sorry what does that have to do with being in denial?

 

This is thread is a fine example of women being ruled by there emotions.. funny.. the majprity of what has been said in this thread does not add to it, assumptions were made, im even being told what to do and what I feel..

 

Yet none of you can answer a simple question once its put to you...

[destination_unknown]

Your question being what is going on in your exes head, nobody can answer that except her. If you are presuming that we are somehow inadequate becuase we cannot read your ex girlfriends mind, i find that quite ridiculous.

 

Have no idea how womens work in the home or outside of it relates to the thread. And just as an aside, even though the percentage of women working outside the home has risen, the percentage of work done inside the home by men has NOT increased proportionatly. Women still predominantly do most work within the home.

 

Studies show that Men also experience physological changes when in love.

 

For example:

- Both men and women show increased levels of cortisol. (stress hormone)

- Male decrease in testosterone.

- Female increase in testosterone.

(Thus, the hypthesis goes that the differences between the sexes may actually decrease when in love.)

- Decreased levels of FSH in the male. (FSH produces your sperm - kinda counter to evoluntionary logic that it decreases when you lads fall in love)

- These changes are temporary (probably the "honeymoon period")

 

Not alot of experimental research using human subjects has actually been done on this subject, so i dont know how you can validly claim the know the "truth".

 

As a research scientist myself having worked in both social science and hard science, (gosh, i should be at home cleaning and learning to cook pasta), i find claims of "truth" about gender differences and human behaviour, which we do not currently have the tools to investigate sufficiently, to be premature. We can theorise and speculate, and support those theories with as much statistical evidence as possible, but we can never know absolute truths.

 

look, im sorry if your ex is not being consistent, and she hasnt responded to your efforts. why dont you ask her why she is behaving like that? if she doesnt answer or doesnt explain sufficiently, then you just have to accept that.

 

the debate is very enjoyable though!

 

actually, i make killer pasta.

[Art_Critic]

Again I can most likely back this up with scientific data or census data.

 

....Most Likely doesn't mean you can.. but your point is made

[blind_otter]

So when I said I was with other women since her and the acted the same, granted not as loopy. That explains it.

Sure I take the place of stimulis A, but my actions have little to do with anything.

 

What's the simple question? I thought I answered rather succintly. Your assertion is incorrect, you are not the stimulus, this isn't exactly animal behaviorism at its most pure, that's for sure.

 

But even considering the population of the planet earth, it's statistically impossible for every woman to be the same, even if you control for age groups and cultural variations in gender-specific behavioral expectation.

 

It's hilarious to see you try to prove your point, though, so please continue.

[dr strangelove]

I might has well have started out the thread with a title like "I love pIgs" because by now it would be "I love tits"

 

QUOTE"this isn't exactly animal behaviorism at its most pure, that's for sure.

 

---No actually it is.

 

 

(gosh, i should be at home cleaning and learning to cook pasta)

 

-- ASS-UMEd

i THINK THE POINT I was trying make is.....

 

Peoples roles in society have changed. The way the react hasnt. I dont need someone to clean my clothes, or cook me food.. I mention this because someone brought up the fact that "actually women do alot for men" right what exactly?

Hope about just being respectful, sharing some of the food bill and not leaving me to do the dishes or make the bed.

 

So what women can bring to the table these days isnt so substantial anymore.

 

The need is more companionship, and love interest. It certainly shouldnt be someone that mooches off you.

 

In regards to proving my point, if you prick someone chances are they feel pain. Thats true for 99.9% no matter wheter you are 90 or 2 months.

 

Women when they are in love act loopy.. end of story.

[blind_otter]

I might has well have started out the thread with a title like "I love pIgs" because by now it would be "I love tits"

 

QUOTE"this isn't exactly animal behaviorism at its most pure, that's for sure.

 

---No actually it is.

 

Women when they are in love act loopy.. end of story.

 

I beg to differ. I got my punder grad degree at a university that was heavily into cognitive/behavioral psych and much less into any other philosophy in the discipline. AFAIK, what you ahve described seems like the ramblings of a bitter person that is based very little in actual science.

 

So sorry to offend you, but did you expect hairpats and congratulations on your research?

 

When do you plan to publish in a peer reviewed journal, by the way?

 

snort.

[destination_unknown]

Your pretty funny dr. :D

 

I know lots of women who are respectful to their partner, share bills 50/50, make the bed, are good companions and do the dishes. You've perhaps been unlucky with the women you have been in relationships with.

 

I also know lots of women who have difficulties with emotions and relationships (myself included) but i do take responsibility for it.

 

Dont tar us all with the same brush. If you close your mind to the possibility of the existance of women with the above qualities then your hobbling yourself when it comes to the love department.

 

Look it works both ways ok, i know someone who did everything for her husband for over a decade. Sexually, domestically, and emotionally. (Not just her side either, i lived with them for a while). And you know what, he didnt appreciate her keeping the house immaculate, making his lunch washing his clothes, yardwork, his demands for sex (every day, even while pregnant / sick etc). And you know what, he had at least 11 affairs that we know about along with verbal abuse, leaving and coming back repeatedly. One of his affairs was conducted with her bridesmaid, about two days after the wedding.

 

There are a million stories of guys who bring nothing to the table in their relationship, and a million more about women who bring nothing to their relationship. And vice versa. So, i disagree with your end of story statement.

[destination_unknown]

Sure I take the place of stimulis A, but my actions have little to do with anything

 

Your logic is flawed Dr. The definition of a stimulus is something that PROVOKES/EVOKES/ELLICITS behaviour so your actions do have to do with it.

[dr strangelove]

Hair pats.. no thanks Ill take some hair pie though yuk yuk..

 

Sorry your credientials dont impress me blind otter and sorry arent you the same person who was if I reference some of these threads, was going a bit loopy from a relationship?

 

As well explain to me this, how come you brainiacs that go to university dont have a course called "How to properly cross the street 101"?

As there were many times I had unversity students jump out in front of me on the road or wandering aimless in the middle of it.

 

 

"Your logic is flawed Dr. The definition of a stimulus is something that PROVOKES/EVOKES/ELLICITS behaviour so your actions do have to do with it."

 

-- IS my logic flawed? If the person was loopy to begin with, what does it matter if I am stimulus A or not?

And if they acted the same with other stimulus As before me. Then one could say "stimulus A" could possibly be a inanimate gi joe doll and you might get the same response.

 

Hmmm Im sure there are many good women out there, but lets say for every

2 there is 10 to 20 that aren't. We could label these as more of a sub species

aka "whitetrashamus". This would apply to all races.

 

Im not sure how I was brought that made me desire a species of female that hasnt yet evolved. Im not concerned about the cleaning or cooking part I think watching my parents get into fights over that was enough to push me to do it myself, and that and quest for al dente pasta and a picky palate.

 

"i know someone who did everything for her husband for over a decade."

 

Now this male you speak of is not part of my gene pool sorry.

- Heres my credientials

Sexual.. gigalo level and I have references

Cleaning white glove level.. references available

Cooking Better then mom, but I dont tell her that

 

Ok basic point was

 

Now there is 2

 

1) When in love females of the species tend to let emotions, overrun common sense.

 

2) Why is my ex popping up again? No answers? fine let that question answer itself in the coming days.

[dr strangelove]

Well 3 am, and the loopy ex logged on and started messaging me. Asking why I was up so late etc etc. Then the usual nastiness started.

 

Shes pretty loopy I guess. In between insults she tells me, im working out ..losing weight etc..

Just got off a date with a doctor.. even telling me about the movie.

 

Then she claims I stold something from her.. I really hope she isnt meaning her heart.

 

She said well I cant talk to a theif, I replied but you dont mind being one and I logged out.. ah enough.

 

I try not to log off on her, but really she just keeps going on and on.

 

I find myself feeling a bit shaky, and my tummy is a bit upside down..what the hell does that mean.

 

Ladies any thoughts? Why is she so angry still?

 

I guess we shall see if this leads to more contact...

[dr strangelove]

She started snooping about am I dating. And if was dating, then Id be doing the chick right now.. what the hell?

 

Why tell me about other guys and working out etc.. im not important why try to impress me?

 

Anyways I hope everyone had a lovely sleep, I myself with be up at the crack of dawn to paint the interior of a house, I have to fight with the evils of wallpaper glue.. fun wow.. Hopefully I have some advice on how to deal with her besides logging off or blocking her... something to difuse her.. women im counting on you. I honestly think that I am in the company of some pretty intelligent females.. so put your thinking caps on.

 

God my heart was really beating when she logged on..whats up with that damage??

[destination_unknown]

Heart beating faster / shaky / tummy doing flip-flops - thats actually probably the increases in cortisol. This is the stress hormone, the one that that study showed increased when we are first in love. I think it could be a combination of your feelings for her and the not knowing what her game is.

 

To make an assumption about her behaviour, i think she might be in two minds herself.

 

A) She doesnt have romantic feelings or want to get back together and simply gets off on the dramatic interactions with you

 

B) She doesnt have romantic feelings or want to get back together but has some real or imagined resentment/anger towards you which she keeps needing to communicate (though not very productively) over and over because she is unable to disengage and resolve the anger on her own

 

C) She does have feelings for you but they exist in parallel with some real or imagined resentment / anger

 

I still think you should go NC and block her, it seems that you guys have a hard time having a conversation without it degenerating into insults / anger etc.

 

If you dont want to do the NC thing, then you gotta out straight, but in a calm manner, say;

 

"You seem to be angry with me and i would like you to explain to me why. It would be better for us to clear up any negativity between us so we can enjoy our conversations when we have them".

 

If she tells you whats been making her mad, then you can deal with each on a point by point basis. You need to be prepared, because often these talks can become heated and end up doing more damage if not broached in a calm manner.

 

If she says shes mad about stuff that you have been guilty of, then calmly admit it and apologize. If she says you have done stuff that you arent guilty of then dont get defensive/angry, just explain what your motivations were for doing whatever it was.

 

You can also take the opportunity to let her know her actions that have not been helpful for you. Again, broach your grievances in a non-accusing way. i.e. dont say "you always wreck my head because you are so loopy and over emotional".

 

You will get way more feedback and be more effective in getting your point accross making your points in a very specific fashion - "On thursday evening, you made a comment about theft and then logged off before clarifying what you mean, that bothered me."

 

Try to keep out of the realm of name calling / making generalisations / letting anger take over, if your ex crosses those boundaries then tell her you would prefer the conversation to be calm so that you can both get some value from it.

 

When there is alot of emotion involved, conversations like this can be very hard for anybody.

 

She may not want to talk about it, in which you only have two choices;

A) Continue as you both are, in which case your sanity may suffer!

B) Start NC, find a nice new girl !!

 

 

There are a good many articles on the web about arguing/discussing relationship issues productively without it becoming a volitile venting / crying / beating each other over the head with pokers session. ( thats just a joke dr. not aimed at ya in particular! )

 

As for diffusion, i think that the best thing is to give no resistance. Dont let yourself get ticked off when if she carries on silly. This is when things escalate. You could either ignore the behaviours you dont like, i.e. dont let it effect you, or kind of tease her in a friendly way to show her that she is being a little silly and not getting a rise out of you.

Do you have an ultimate aim here i.e. would you like to work on things with your ex and eventually reconcile or do you just want to be friends with her?

[blind_otter]

Hair pats.. no thanks Ill take some hair pie though yuk yuk..

 

Sorry your credientials dont impress me blind otter and sorry arent you the same person who was if I reference some of these threads, was going a bit loopy from a relationship?

 

Don't take the bait, otter! Don't do it! Ack! Regardless of whether I am "loopy" or not I don't know how this is relevant to your situation. I could personally say the same thing about men. Why do all men become crazy stalkers who try to kill people in front of me and subsequently are sent to prison and try to stalk me and harass me from prison and threaten to hun tme down and kill me when they get out? Why do all men think it's ok to beat their women until they're bloody?

 

Yet, I don't. Because I realize that I tend to become involved with domineering, physically violent alcoholics. I know that, so I don't blame the entire male race for what are obviously a select group of violent crazy people.

 

-- IS my logic flawed? If the person was loopy to begin with, what does it matter if I am stimulus A or not?

And if they acted the same with other stimulus As before me. Then one could say "stimulus A" could possibly be a inanimate gi joe doll and you might get the same response.

 

This is flawed logic, again. Stimulus A could not be an inanimate doll -- because there is always a feedback loop involved with any interaction. It takes two to tango, baby. I can't argue with someone if they don't argue back. My father is the master at this -- I have never in my life seen him get angry, raise his voice, or raise his hand toward anyone.

 

1) When in love females of the species tend to let emotions, overrun common sense.

 

The same could be true for men, or you -- why do you keep engaging this women in any kind of interaction? Why do you chose to respond to her? Those actions are entirely your responsibility.

 

2) Why is my ex popping up again? No answers? fine let that question answer itself in the coming days.

 

No will knows why your ex is popping up again, but your ex. You would be best served in not contacting her, or responding to her attempts at contact.

[dr strangelove]

Destination and blind otter

 

Look im sorry that I have come off as opinated and perhaps some of my jabs were unwarranted. But funny nonetheless.

 

I was pretty down in the dumps the whole day after she contacted me. I ended up retaliating in my own way which she didnt like too much (Karma will catch up with you she said) I sort of had her talking a bit more this time, in between jabs. I came up with some good ones.

I guess I have to be quick on my feet and try and get her talking about other things.. maybe maybe maybe.....

 

I guess she is a bit spun, but I dunno this is a person who is compassionate enopugh to care about a cat no one else would probably take care, stay with a sick friend, once she even placed herself in front someone that was about take a shot at me with his fist..

 

So I dont see these contacts are completely based upon vindiction.

 

Yesterday I felt like crapola..now I feel sorry for her I even shed a tear..

..

---k

 

Anyways hope everyone is well

[destination_unknown]

all is forgiven ...

 

i bet most of us girlies are guilty of muttering "all men are baxtards" at least once ... posting it on the web would invite debate!

 

hey, to answer your thread about how to talk to angry women - probably not the way that thread was.

 

Thing is, when somebody is really angry they often want confrontation, to punish whoever they feel offended by and their anger is often exaggerated to some degree.

 

If you give them something to fight against they will fight. If you leave them to their anger for a while usually it will dissapate to a large degree.

 

It really depends on what was done to offend them, if its valid. What points are they making that you concede to and what do you not agree with.

 

Try googling "constructive arguing", there are some good techniques on how to deal with this kind of stuff. The trick, i think, is not to get angry back! This is the hard bit, especially if the angry person has distorted thinking - google this too.

 

did she say what it was that was making her mad?

[Ukwizard]

Lets not make a mockery of dr strangelove here. He is only posting a DIARY to show "The ex, that refused to go away......"

 

 

[dr strangelove]

I have hesitated to ever write down about exactly what could have made her mad, or what I think it is.

 

I have to add that this woman also thought I was cheating on her. I just have alot of female friends..

and just after writing this, I logged on to check my messages on dating site and someone has messaged me and their name is her name. It virtually impossible to get her out of my head. Its like a bad throbbing. Unless maybe a blow from like a bad fall.. or maybe Ill just pray for amensia.. in any case read on.

 

 

But in these uncertain times I am in, I cant see it will make it any worse.

 

Ok... hmm where to start. I dont think I was verbally abusive so much, but I needed my space she insisted on keeping me to herself as much as possible. I guess it didnt help that I wanted to be with her as well. I guess I expected her to more aware of the fact that I had a bussiness to run, I felt at times she undermined that. I would flip out on her because of it.

 

I guess she was just a little too carefree, which was seductive to me but at the same time I felt guilty staying up late, spending money, etc etc.. maybe I felt bad about feeling good. Or maybe I knew it couldnt last forever.

 

Then at other times she was so caught up in herself and for the life of me I cant figure how she was brought up to be the way she was, that angered me all the more. Being so independent, I wasnt used to someone counting on me to help them along. I mean she quickly latched on to the idea of having me around and helping out with chores and the odd bit of cash here and there.

But expecting to be constantly treated to dinners got to me.

I guess I should have took more control of the relationship in that way and budgeted for us. But damn Id didnt sign on to be daddy to some kid. Especially when she is my age.

 

I used to say to her "A penny for a dollar" Ie my dollar for her penny.

One time she made me kraft dinner and she really messed it up because she was too busy yapping to her gay friend about his boyfriend yadda yadda.. I had worked 10 hrs straight.. so seeing my precious kraft dinner ruined I flipped

I even said why wouldnt you just leave it for me to make, if you couldnt handle the job. I mean I flipped out for sure, but I tried to reason common sense with her.

 

Then one night, I was invited to another of her gay friends. Oh his boyfriend is a cook.. She went on and on about lavish dinners. Again keep inmind me working long hours. I get there, no food. Then I asked to lend her $10 for pizza. I was so insulted. She tried to cuddle with me and I just moved away which totally upset her, I mean she loved affection giving recieving. I realize

withholding affection was somewhat abusive, but then again I was frigging hurt. Money is a big issue with me because I work very hard for it, and I want to feel a person likes me for other reasons.

 

So that lead to a fight later. I told her look im leaving. I asked to write me an I owe you for money she owed..she refused. I told her I wasnt leaving till I got in writing she refused and became verbally abusive and I grabbed her and shook her.

 

What happened next didnt make mush sense I left and started staying elsewhere she caleld a few my friends angry. Then she called me and said you better come up here and be with me... huh?

 

Honestly I really didnt wish to leave her, it greatly upsets me that I grabbed her but..? When was she going to grow up?

 

I really never heard the end of the grabbing her. She had told me that someone else flipped out and hurt her accidently. She broke up with them.

 

She kept going on and on about Xmas was tough because she called me from her parents place angry.. maybe because I wasnt there or god knows what. Then she told me that her family didnt want me seeing her. She kept on calling. I mean she was angry.. but I cant explain it something kept drawing her back..

 

The worst episode was the bike incident. I lent her bike, she claimed I gave to her. I always tried rationalize that. The only thing I could figure is listening to her talk to the gay guy. He said to her.. oh when he doesnt get me things I think he doesnt love me. I thought to myself your on the same page as him arent you, it was hard for her to figure out how I felt about her.

 

At times she would even say to me "I know you miss me" "I know you love me" etc.. etc. "I know I make you happy"

Ok sure she did, sometimes I had to tell her 10 times. It was a bit messed up.

 

In any case I took the bike, she flipped. The cops got called. I had to go visit them. My father told me your lucky you arent married to her. The cops told me you best not see her again. They claimed they would get my stuff for me

 

I waited and waited.. nothing. Finally I called the cop and said what is going on? Then I said has she asked about me? Not this time.. Huh? Then I said what about reconcilation? Oh you dont want to do that.. Then I said I dont think that is your decision, then he became a bit more supportive to the ideam said he would try and talk to her.

 

Well nothing. Then one day I had enough it was killing me. bought a flower a dumb teddy bear. I meant to leave it on her doorstep.

 

well.....she walked by my place just as I walked outside.

 

That was a crazy time. She wouldnt talk to me unless her gay friend was with her. I had 6 people waiting for me at the shop, and they all knew the pain I was going through. So they kind of tried to put in some good words for me.

The gay guy was trying to pick up the guy down the street who was straight, so I had to talk him into coming with me.

 

Talking about this I realize what a frigging circus my relationship was like with her some have called it a SEINFELD EPISODE. In any case she left the flower and toy. Then she just kept callng me and calling me. sometimes during the day

sometimes really late at night. But I always took the calls, man it was rough.

One day she messed up something with Hydro and I had to fix that. She was so grateful she agreed to meet me and even buy me dinner. We even saw a movie. She had my hand stuffed into her crotch, among other things.

Somehow we made it back here and she stayyed the night and that was the last action it took to get her referring to me as her boyfriend again.

 

Well at some point, she insisted if I wanted to be with her I better seek counselling. Great. So I ended up getting counselling from this reverend. He was really astute. i told him about every incident. I told him how angry and hurt I was when she verbally abused me. He explaned she did that because I

told her I was leaving. That really openned my eyes. I had thought she had did that out of spite. But he pointed out to me that she was more in need of counselling then me. He tried to help me find ways to build up her self esteem.

 

I remember him telling me.. what bothers you more? having to tell her u like her 10 times or no girlfriend..

 

Ah anyways it was tough. I had stress. She had issues at work, she got canned I thought great Im going to get stuck paying your bills. I got angry at her and tried to push her more to find a job, that upset her. I mean I even had jobs lined up for her.

Then I didnt see her for a while and we got together and that was good, but then more not seeing her and she really became weird. I was like you wont see me, then break up with me? Give m stuff

 

Oh ya the stuff ha what a write off. Once she even said I quote "If you get your stuff you wont talk to me ever again."

 

Ive long since written the stuff off, the greatest thing of value I lost was her.

 

So then it just boiled down to one fateful day. She wouldnt see me, she kept calling me. I just said do me a favour and get lost ok? Stop calling me.

 

I guess in her messed up insecure head I had said that one time to many.

I have to add that it was normal for me to even hang up on her, when she got on my nerves too much.

 

So then I got some of my stuff dropped at my friends place

 

I wrote her after a while. She flipped writing an angry email, saying never to contact her again. Ok fine.. uh but see u have my stuff..

 

So I never contacted her. Then months later she popped up on my msn. Once a week she would pop up. Until I messaged her. Its quite a talent she has for

wanting something but setting up in such a way that I make the first move.

 

So then she was angry. Every time she was angry. Then one day she was ok, we talked on the phone for a long time. Then she started repeating herself. I said I have to go, and maybe that upset her because well I guess it was tough for her to call and her fragile ego..so then she was angry.

 

Then I kinda had her almost agreeing to meet me. Then I even was able to do a few romantic things and not anger her.. 3 valentine emails.

A romantic song.

I think the song made a real impact, I believe she called me but I looked at the phone and didnt know what to expect so I refused to answer

I then she her email saying sorry I didnt pick up and she flipped out

No more contact..

 

Um.. ok see you conacted me.. you know that right?

 

Oh brother writing this I want to cry and I want to laugh its a major farce. Its almost a romantic tragedy.

 

So now we are at present day. I started getting calls late at night. I havent see her on msn, now I have seen her often. I mean in this new milenuim chat programs are the new mall or hang out place. So I mean the revelance of seeing someone online is important.

We are able to pick and choose who sees us. If you choose to let someone see you its an invitation to converse or to make your presence know to them.

 

It was tough to write that. I dont know where im headed. Its tough to go through life without a mate. If it was easy as picking someone on qualities and the car they drive everyone would be hooked up. But you tend to fall for that one person that you see something in that no one else does or you want them based on feelings.

 

In retrospective. I have tried to date. I meet people I just dont feel that spark with them. I end up just hating the whole dating thing. I wish I knew what to do fix thngs with her but im starting to lose interest in that as well.

 

But the feelings for her never seem to fade, they go away at times. Then I have had them come back even stronger.

 

Its a big let down to watch the days fall off the calendar and no improvement in my romantic life. Some days it so painful, I spend the day in bed.

Lately I have been working more, the toughest thing is when I have to deal with a couple gay or straight. It rough to watch 2 people so in love and then you wonder "whats wrong with me?" You feel diseased, like a leper. And its rough on your self esteem.

 

In any case I have deleted her, I am trying my best to lose my memories of her. Maybe I will wake up one day and not even remember her, or maybe she will call or message me and I will just ask im sorry do I know you?

 

 

-strangelove

[Ukwizard]

Dr Strangelove

 

I feel really sad for you. I thought I had problems but your ex does need her head checked. All this game playing must be so soul destroying for you. Maybe she is winding you up, and as she has you wrapped round her finger. She know how to get you annoyed, and make you mad.

 

I cant imagine what pain you must be going through, but to hear that you lent your ex a bike, and asked for it back while she called the cops. That is not good at all. Thats just plain evil. Why would anyone in their right mind would want to do such a thing? I mean in the end if you still had the receipts and proof of purchase for the bike, wouldnt the police consider that wasting police time by reporting a false theft?

 

I think she sounds very immature for her age and she is more considerate of her gay friend than you. The whole $10 for the pizza clearly shows this. If she knew you worked long hours at least she could have had the courtesy to ask if you have eaten!

 

I m very much in your situation. My ex split up with me in Oct 2005 and we still communicate, albeit by telephone or texting. We dont really communicate by email that much now. (we did in the beginning and every day) The emails have now dried up and I m lucky to get 1 email a month. In the beginning I used to get 3 a day! Anyway, one day last week, Dr Strangelove. I get an email. My ex claimed she `just recieved` an email from me. Utter crap! I sent an ecard back in Aug 2005! Bascially she had been on website to contact old friends and I think she had been snooping at my profile. I left my profile as it was back in August 2005, indicating I was seeing a lovely woman (that was her)and it was never updated. She told me to amend my profile!

 

What I m saying is that woman are just like men. we are bascially human. and human nature dictates `curiousity` when something has gone missing in our lives we naturally want to find out where it went or what it is doing.

 

There`s a member here on LS called Caliguy that swears by NC, but I m not so sure. My ex is not that kind of woman to `miss` something/anything. She may be curious but if I m gone I m gone! My ex is VERY stubborn. When I split up with my ex she told me she wanted to be friends. Now I m giving that to her, and I know its one way but if she wants me to be friends then I will be.

 

Your ex sounds like me when my ex dumped me. I went really low. I totally LOST my train of though and even had thoughts of moving away!! I turned my brain inside out to figure out what went wrong. If I did Caliguys NC then I would be still wrecked. I m sure you know my situation but talking to my ex on civil terms has made me a stronger person. She eventually opened up to me, but I did go through the angry stage too (like your ex) Your ex maybe doing this to you to get a reaction. Sometimes I get really angry, and I ve had some days when I want to pick up the phone and give my ex a piece of my mind!

 

Bascially things she said like`lets be friends` which she has only texted me 4 times after we split up (this is out of her own intiation). I ve always sent her texts but she only replies when I send one.

She also said she has never taken anyone back before, and then proceeds to take an ex back from last year!

She even ran to another man when we split to tell HIM that she was having problems with ME! (sometimes this drives a couple together) On this occasion the new guy couldnt be bothered. So he ignored her and they ended up arguing!

 

Theses things just eat me inside. My ex has no idea that I know all this. I ve kept this all within. When I do talk to her its always on a cheerie note. I m going to keep this short as I dont intend hacking your post. I hope one day my ex will see that I am a nice person and that I will always love her unconditionally.

 

I m sorry, but I dont think you can delete these people from your memory/memories. They make up the significant person you are now, but through time you will move on. I m like that now. Its been 6 months since I split with my ex. Its such a shock how someone can come into your life. Be so intimate and tell you everything of their life, and then to take it all away, like you never existed. That hurts! I m no longer at the stage where I feel lost and empty. I m keeping busy too, but it doesnt hurt as much as it did before Christmas. I don`t think one day you will JUST forget. For some people it takes years, but it takes time, and time allows the bad memories to fade.

[dr strangelove]

Well thats my side and everything is not exactly in context.

 

My ex is someone that has been looking for the one for a while.

 

I have to say that alot of this is not about the bike..or pizza. Its about me wanting to leave.

 

Thing with the bike is.... it was from our first ever date..

 

 

She did offer me some food, some bun things they were making. She wasnt all that bad..

 

How about when she was bad..she was really bad. When she was good really good..

 

The emotions anger and love are not that far apart someone told me the other day.

 

Anyways

today I spent time away from my enviroment, great. Im going to do that again soon. It totally removed me from any thoughts I was fighting with here.

[Ukwizard]

Hey Dr Strangelove

 

How are you? I m not quite sure why you are sticking up for your ex. I m sure I read in another of your posts that you ex has been verbally abusing you.

 

I would not consider any excuse for verbal abuse. That is just not on!

[dr strangelove]

Ya im ok UKWIZARD

 

I really like that hand puppet or whatever it is you have for your icon/avatar

 

My ex is abusive because she is upset and hurt.

 

Its also a test..

 

Wanna learn more about women? seek out some older guy 60 or so. They now alot more then you think, alot of these guys are from the hippie generation so they ahve seen done alot.

 

Also try to take time out from whatever is bothering u..ie your ex.

 

You dont have to call them u know, they will sooner or later call you.

[Ukwizard]

Hey Dr Strangelove

 

The icon/avatar I have is a hand puppet call Zippy. He is actually from a British television show called `Rainbow`. He has a zip for his mouth as he never shuts up! lol.

 

I dont think you shouldn`t try to rationalise verbal abuse. If she is upset then there are other ways to vent anger. Absuing a partner verbal or phyical is no excuse. If it is a test. A test of what exactly?

 

Dr strangelove, you dont have to analyse women. They are not a different species. Every woman out there is different. Some have their heads screwed on/others don`t. Its not about a guy being 60 years old. It can be a 28 year old that has been out with 10 women compared to a 60 year old thats only been out with 1.

 

I m not here to suss out women. There is only one woman I m trying to understand. My ex, she seems very confused in what she wants. Yes some may say I m a doormat. My ex has NEVER asked for anything from me. I ve always offered. I ll be there to see her make her mistakes. Maybe one day she will come round and EVEN pick up the phone to call me but right here and now she aint coming back. I know this now, but I dont know what will happend in the future. Maybe one day she will pick up the phone and call me and I m not there. I ve moved house and got married to someone else!! We just dont know!!

 

She gave me the `its not you its me line`, `I m not right for you, just now`, and `lets be friends, I like to`. Yes I ll be friend with you. I like to too. I ll be YOUR friend because now I m your friend I aint leaving!!

 

Why does your ex want to come back to you? Well maybe she knows that she has a cushion to fall on when the going gets tough. I m not so sure why she would want to blag all her partners to you though. I m sure she still has feelings for you. I mean she still has kept in touch for almost a year except sometimes she disappears for months. Do you think when she disappears she has actually met someone new?

 

I m not really getting your post. Did you split up with her? You mention that you tried to leave her but she refused? You also mention you want to reconcille?

 

By the sound of your post you seem like you are hurting a hell of a lot. Are you keeping busy and going out with friends?

[dr strangelove]

Hey UKWIZARD. I really like zippy. I have a kermit the frog doll here, among other pop culture items. I will look up zippy on the net later.

 

I dont have a heck of alot of time to post as I have to get to work again soon.

 

The testing me is like this. See I have a tendacy to wig out when pushed. I have wigged out on her. This frightens her. So this is testing is about checking the safety level.

Also she is just plain upset still.. Very emotonal person she is. At her best she is happy and generous etc.. very bubbly. The kind of person that gets hurt easily..insecure.

 

I know it sounds loopy, but explained by my friend it makes alot of sense due to other things that happened. Ie me grabbing her. That was caused by me wigging out after being pushed. Pushed by her name calling which she did as a counter strike against me saying im leaving, which upset her.

 

People react in different ways. For example sometimes you go to buy something have you ever felt the person might get upset if you dont buy the item from them..if they took the time..the effort. And they u said ok thanks I will think about.

 

Some people would react.. "screw you, you wont find it cheaper elsewhere"

Some people would say 'take your time, no pressure"

 

Get where im going? Rejection cause emotions to run high.

 

Ya im in pain because I lost interest in everything, and I had a string of bad luck after the break up.

It has nothing to do with rejection I been rejected my whole life by everything and anything.

 

 

Now however I have a big project I am working on, ok I have a brand im developing. Thats all I can say and its starting from scratch. I got the idea from a trade show I went to. I had developed a product before, I have developed desire to ressurrect it and update it from seeing all these people with their various products. And thinking to myself "I made something good, why did I stop?"

 

I have my bussiness going again and I am seeing people I havent seen in years, people I lost touch with that were very solid and great to hang with and learn from.

 

About the 60 yr old guy, trust me he has seen alot and added another point of view not offered by anyone else on here.

 

See now im losing myself in me, not in my thoughts of her.