friends w/ ex complicates...

[Rach]

ok, i already posted this once, but it didn't show up or something, so sorry if it shows up twice now, here it goes again:

 

my ex-b/f is now one of my best friends, so sometimes i feel like i "can't" have a new b/f, because, if i was with someone, and he was friends w/ an ex of his, and he wanted to go hang out w/ her at her house or whatever, i don't think i would be comfortable, not that i would try to stop him, just i know that seems very weird from the other side (but it's not from mine), and i know that in a relationship more than just casual there would be jealousy and trust issues- even if he wasn't possessive about it, just weirded out- because of that, and i'm not going to give up my good friend, but, what _do_ i do??? and right after i broke up with the ex, i went out with a couple of ppl, and there were problems in those relationships b/c of the above-mentioned (and b/c he still didn't believe we were over, at the time), but now, it's different. and this is the first time, since then, that i've started to want to have something a little more serious, and i want to have an idea how to handle it before (if?) the problems arise. also everyone knows i was with him so it's not like a "don't ask, don't tell" thing. thanks in advance! =)

[Tony T]

This is a bit crazy because when your ex boyfriend gets really serious with another girl, he will drop you like a hot potato.

 

Hey, this is over. You may try to fool yourself into thinking he's your good friend but it's all just a little flame you still have burning for him.

 

If romance is very important in your life, back off your friendship...although preserve it...but just don't be such close friends. You need to move on with your life and find a meaningful love that will contribute to your longterm happiness.

 

I give you my absolute word that if you don't do this, one day you will call your best friend ex-boyfriend and a girl will answer and in the background you will hear him tell his girl to tell you he's busy right now.

 

Look out for yourself, babe, because if you don't nobody else will.

[imursexgoddess]

Everything you said is my life also. I was with Willie for 2 1/2 years and he will always be my best friend, but I have been wanting to date more. I felt like I cant with him still in my life. I did start dating a guy and when things went sour with that, my ex wanted to talk to him to straighten things out. He is a good guy and he is realizing that we wont be together anymore and now it is easier to date.

[Rach]

yes, i know! i was with him for about a year and a half, altogether, and when i finally broke it off for good, it was so hard at first for him to understand that it was actually over, and that i would be dating other people... finally he gets it, but i don't know that he ACCEPTS it. about what tony said, about how when he gets another girl; i've tried to talk to him about that before, b/c i feel like the place i hold in his life is that of girlfriend (as in where he puts me, not what i want), and that when he gets an actual one, he won't have any "use" for me, and won't really talk to me anymore, but when i said something to him, he just said no he won't, or he's not going to be with anyone else, or whatever, and it's really hard on me because sometimes i feel like he's just being stubborn and wants to prove he can "get" me, to have the proverbial last word, and not be "defeated" (i.e. dumped), instead of not being with another person because he loves me, like he says. i want him to be ok and get over it, but i guess since we were never friends first, we just started going together right when we met, we don't know HOW to be just friends, and we're still trying to figure that out, i guess... *shrugs*