Husband says I am entitled to very little

[Guest]

Okay, I know that this will sound crazy. But I got into a conversation that night with my husband who wanted to talk about how our separation would go if we separated.

 

We have been together for 11 yr married, the first 6 yrs, he went back to school for a doctorate, while I worked. He said he was doing it for us. I supported us, he worked parttime off and on. Then I moved with him for a job with our baby, quit work to raise the kids.

 

Then we moved again 3 months ago, to place I did not want to move to (not for work...just because), and now he wants a separation. He asked me if I thought I had the right to take 50% of the assets, since he now makes more than I would have if I worked. He says he has always worked harder than me and deserves more. He wants the house we in, since I put him through a difficult to move and did not to move. We have property that he wants since he says he was the one who bought with his money.

 

I am a stay at home mom, the kids are 5, and 2, I want the kids with me. I mean he can see them during the week and weekends, but I want them to sleep in the same bed every night. And he wants me to agree to all of this without a lawyer. What do I do?

 

I just want to make it easy now so it is easier after the divorce.

[Guest]

Hey, okay is finally over, last night was the last straw for me. He is officially a jerk...ass...insert your own name here and out of my life soon.

 

He wanted to discuss want he would be entitled to if he tried to make this work for a year. Then he asked do you think that you are really worth 50% of my assets, he said search your heart and really think about it!! He said that I did nothing for the ten years that we were in the relationship, and he felt that I was entitled to very little??? He keeps telling me that he could have gotten the degree on his own and that I had to pay rent anyway, so I am not entitled to what he makes??? He actually wants me to agree to this stuff without a lawyer.

 

Then I brought up the kids and how I wanted them with me, to sleep in the same home every night. He could see them during the week and every other weekend but I want them to have some stability because there are so young. Well he lost it, he came at me screaming, red faced and yelled at me a 1/4 inch from my face. He has a huge problem.

 

He also does not want to give me this house, because I fought him on moving here...I wonder why?? Anyway, next time he brings this up I am asking him to leave, maybe in a yr from now he can have this house, but not now. I am sure that he will blow a gasket on this as well.

 

Then he sitting there telling that he cares about me and that he will always take care of me. Yeah just like he took care of me in this relationship.

[Robin23]

Well, first thing, is there any spark left in your marriage? Are you going to try councilling? The grass always SEEMS greener on the single side but it usually isn't. Your usually entitled to half, if not always, especially the marital home (in Ontario Canada at any rate). Not hiring a lawyer to look out for you and the kids interests is probably not a good idea, at least get a consultation.

Remember, separation and divorce is really hard on the kids, if you can reconcile that would be great. But on the other side of the coin, if your in a marriage and are unhappy-fighting constantly, etc.... that isn't good for you or the kids either.

Good luck with whatever happens

[a4a]

You need a lawyer ASAP!

[littlekitty]

Get a lawyer quick!! Never, never agree to anything like this without consulting a lawyer. Of course your husband is going to try to get you to agree to all this without one. He knows that a lawyer will advise you what you are actually entitled to, and he knows he'll get a lot less!!

 

Phone today, and don't sign anything.

[Art_Critic]

Get a lawyer quick!! Never, never agree to anything like this without consulting a lawyer. Of course your husband is going to try to get you to agree to all this without one. He knows that a lawyer will advise you what you are actually entitled to, and he knows he'll get a lot less!!

 

Phone today, and don't sign anything.

 

I totally agree.. and throw in the fact that you worked while you put him thru school should change the 50/50 division..His job/benefits are due to your hard work as well as his

 

Get a lawyer.. the first meeting is normally free and they will tell you what you can expect with a seperation/divorce

[Blind Illusion]

Of course he wants you to agree to all this without a lawyer. What a cheapskate. He wants to even save on that money too. Besides the fact of not wanting to give the mother of his very children what is properly her due.

 

You are entitled to half of what was gotten during the marriage, even a percent of his pension given the length of the marriage. Doesn't matter if you would have been working flipping burgers for minimum wage.

 

Get a lawyer anyhow. I have even seen cases where the earning party had to pay both.

[Dinnj1]

not only is he a cheapskate who's trying to bamboozle you... he's also very selfish... YOU should have the house with the kids... and HE should realize that and what's best for the kids. Does he expect YOU to go get an apartment???

 

ACK! Sorry, I'm bitter... a friend just went through this exact same thing... she asked for 30% of the house when sold.... he said she was entitled to and only to 50% of the DEBT. HIS lawyers made her life miserable and she quit. Gave up...

settled for nothing but the signed papers... he got everything... grrr.

 

Don't you do ANYTHING without getting a lawyer first.

[dgiirl]

I cannot agree more! GET A LAWYER. My exh tried to do the same thing. Tried to put me into a guilt trip telling me how he's being very generous and blah blah blah. Then when I went to see a lawyer just to know my initial rights, he freaked out saying I was doing things behind his back. At the time, I still loved my husband. I would have done anything for him. And I was put into a situation where I still loved him and yet did not want to be used or taken advantage by him and him talking to me and telling me how things were fair simply put me into an unfair situation. I was emotionally distraught and couldnt think clearly at all. Thankfully my parents looked out for me and made sure I went to see a lawyer. My ex wanted to give me LESS than 50/50 and he tried every trick in the book to get away with it. Fortunately, I listened to my lawyer and did get 50/50.

 

Dont listen to your stbxh. IF the divorce goes through, you dont want to be regretting giving everything away in hopes it'll save the marriage and find out it didnt! Protect yourself! It will give him a VERY clear message that regardless of what happens with the marriage, you demand respect.

[Ladyjane14]

Definately get a lawyer. But while you're at it....get a PI too. If you don't have a clear and definative reason why your husband wants a "separation", there could be 'a snake in your woodpile'.

 

You'd be surprised how many men get into extramarital affairs and keep them quiet until AFTER settlement, particularly MM who have alot to lose financially.

 

You can't fight what you can't see. So, if you don't know for sure....find out.

[Ladyjane14]

Then we moved again 3 months ago, to place I did not want to move to (not for work...just because), and now he wants a separation.

 

This is just weird. People don't pick up and move for no good reason. There must've been something more than "just because".

[amaysngrace]

This is just weird. People don't pick up and move for no good reason. There must've been something more than "just because".

 

i agree completely with the others. you need a lawyer. you have been out of the workforce for quite some time and this can hurt your future employment. you worked while he went to school. you've been married for over 10 years (magic number quite often) you should be entitled to CS for the children, half of all equitity of marital assets (anything acquired after you became married), limited spousal support so that you can get educated, if need be, plus he should keep you and the children insured until you finish school and start earning. babysitter fees should also be paid by him, unless he can watch the children himself.

 

please don't give up what you are INDEED entitled to. the stress you will go through being a single parent is enough reason to get what you deserve. simply, his contribution to you will be in the children's best interest.

[Guest]

HIS lawyers made her life miserable and she quit. Gave up...

settled for nothing but the signed papers... he got everything... grrr.

 

Don't you do ANYTHING without getting a lawyer first.

 

I know several women that that has happened to. Get a GOOD lawyer. Ask around and find a tough one. They're worth the money.

[RecordProducer]

And he wants me to agree to all of this without a lawyer.

He is trying to fool you!!!!

Please get a lawyer and do whatever it takes to protect your children before another woman gets what belongs to you.

[luvtoto]

I think he feels threatened...ALOT!

 

It's not *his* place to dictate who gets what. Who does he think he is?

 

Word to the wise: Do not move out/run from/abandon your home...at least not until the courts decide who gets what. If you did, this would automatically give your H possession. Possession is 9/10ths of the law.

 

...and I'm thinking he's gonna try to bully you out.

[Art_Critic]

It's not *his* place to dictate who gets what. Who does he think he is?

 

Word to the wise: Do not move out/run from/abandon your home...at least not until the courts decide who gets what. If you did, this would automatically give your H possession. Possession is 9/10ths of the law.

 

...and I'm thinking he's gonna try to bully you out.

 

I agree with LuvToTo on that he doesn't get to dictate anything as far as who gets what..

But in a divorce possession being 9/10 of the law doesn't work..

Anything that he has that you have a right to the judge will make him give it back.

[dgiirl]

I agree with luvtoto. If you can get HIM to leave, then it's sooo much better. But he cannot KICK you out of your home. I doubt you'd be able to keep the house tho, so dont rely on that, but if he left on his own free will, change the locks. When you change the locks, dont keep him from things that is truely his, but he doesnt need 24/7 access to your sleeping area either. Legally, you're not allowed to change the locks, but if you still allow him access to his own personal belongings (clothes, toothbrush, whatever), then no court will force you to let him back in. You cant kick him out, but it's sooo much better if he leaves on his own will. Then it becomes a lot harder for him to get back in.

 

And if he does start taking stuff from the house, make sure he signs a paper with you of every item he takes. Yah it might be bitchy, but he might turn it against you and say you never gave him such and such that's worth x amount of dollars.

[Guest]

And he wants me to agree to all of this without a lawyer. What do I do?

 

I just want to make it easy now so it is easier after the divorce.

 

He wants you to settle with out a lawyer? No kidding...dear? get a lawyer! If he's trying to manipulate you now (and he is by making you second guess yourself and making you feel you don't deserve half), a divorce won't be easier. An Atty. will show you this and that is what your spouse doesn't want to happen.

[Dinnj1]

Wasn't this posted already??? And about 20 people responded??? Or am I crazy?

[SoleMate]

If this is a real post, your H is attempting to take you for a ride. You need a serious pre-divorce plan IMMEDIATELY.

 

Do not enter into ANY agreements. (Although in many jurisdictions, such an agreement would be readily overturned if you signed away your rights without access to legal counsel.)

Make sure you have access to cash and credit.

Make sure your vehicle is in tiptop running condition.

If he could become violent, lock you out of the house, run off with the kids, you need contingency plans for that.

Call your nearest and dearest trusted people - family or very close, devoted, discreet friends - and let them know you may be calling on them for help.

Call a family law lawyer for a free consultation. Do NOT get one out of the Yellow Pages - get a recommendation from someone with good judgment and knowledge of legal matters.

[MadDog]

Sounds like it's time to find a good divorce attourney. If he didn't want you to have half, he should have signed a prenup. Like Kanye West says in his song, "Gold Digger:"

 

If you aint no punk holla We Want Prenup

WE WANT PRENUP!, Yeaah

It's something that you need to have

Cause when she leave yo ass she gone leave with half

[Blind Illusion]

Who cares what HE thinks you are entitled to. It's what the law says that matters.

 

I don't know about you, but I never saw any legal statutes that said the person that wanted to buy the house more is THE ONE who gets it.

 

You will agree to NOTHING without a lawyer. Please do not. I am begging you of this and I don't even know you.

 

You are entitled to half of most assets acquired throughout the marriage. THAT INCLUDES HIS PENSION. Don't overlook that. Don't forget the child support. How many children do you have? It varies from state but to give you an idea in NY its 17% for one child, 24 or 25% for two. Remember, thats of his GROSS, not his TAKE-HOME SALARY. You can even get it directly taken out of his paycheck and deposited into your account if you so desire.

 

Spousal Support-perhaps. You might get a lump sum or support for a limited time until you get back on your feet.

 

Maybe a court mandated ife insurance policy on him, naming you as an irrevocable beneficiary might be to your liking as well. After all, you are the mother of his children and always will be.

 

I'm not an attorney though. A good lawyer will bargain for you. Perhaps you'll trade in your share of the house for a large lump sum payment out of his annuity at work. Along with health insurance paid for a specific amount of time. A car?

 

Did you know that you can even collect under his social security when the time comes because you have been married 10 years. (and neither the Court or the Social Security Administration will give a rat's arse about what he thinks he is entitled to if he 'tries' another year.) This was not some 1 year union...the court will see that because YOUR ATTORNEY WILL SEE TO THAT!!

[Ladyjane14]

Get yourself an attorney TODAY. Don't wait for him to make the first move. I'm not a lawyer, but my understanding is that temporary orders are generally granted to whoever requests them FIRST. If he gets there before you, you have an uphill battle in which he has 'home field advantage'.

 

Assuming that you are the same Guest that I posted to last week, have you done any investigation into the possibility that your husband is cheating? Honestly, unless you have a very clear understanding of why your husband is behaving this way.....call me jaded, but it smells like infidelity to me.

[Guest]

Okay I am leaving something very big out of this whole situation. He is very verbally abusive (not voilent), but it can be scary at times.

 

We moved because he thought this would be a better place for us to live, So far I like it, but I did not want to move in fear that he would do something like this and make it harder for me to find a job.

 

No this is not my dream home, and no I did not like it very much but I agreed to the move...unwillingly. And now when he rages, he says how dare you to ask me to leave a house that you did not want. Then when I said if I leave the kids come with me, he really flipped out. He took it as I did not want him to see the kids?? I am the one who stays home while he travels and works.

 

He says that he did the whole college thing himself, even though the whole time he was going he was reassuring me that this degree was for the both of us. He also said that I had to live and pay rent away so that I did not contribute to his support through college??? Weird analogy or what?

 

I thought there was a glimmer of hope...for the kids. But ever since he talked to me about not being worth 50%....I have changed. I do not love him anymore...my game face is on.

 

I went to a lawyer...a good one...she said that I was even entitled to more because I put him through college and the courts look at the earning potential of the spouse. I am entitled to 60-70% and that he should be happy with his 50%.

[littlekitty]

Well done. So now you know he is trying to take you for a ride with his talk that you are entitled to nothing.

 

Ensure you keep the lawyer on, and I suggest you pursue the house and the 60-70%. He tried to get you to agree to less that you deserved, so I wouldn't be overly nice in return. If he acted like that at the beginning, no doubt he won't hold back as the divorce progresses.

 

Keep going!!!