a long time relationship.

[shedevil]

i'am new on here so here goes. i 'am married...... 12 years ago i started an affair with this man, i noed he had a live an girfriend, but i thought at this time it wasnt going to last a few months at one time i tryed to end it. so as time went on i got to love him. i'am so deep an this affair its killing me. i hurt , i cry , i'am so depressed at times. at one time he told me he love me so one day he just stop, but he stills sees me. he does not show me his feelings at all his brain is like steel i cant seen to get behind that wall. i seen him weeks 3 ago i havent got no E-mail from him i no he is reading my mail. i dont no if he is telling me its over or he has got me guessing playing with my mind. I no i got to let go of him and i no i got to go threw pain to let go. but i feel like i want to call his girfriend at home and tell her everthing. he is not dumping me like this. i also want to tell my husband i'am tired of lies. I had this affair to long for him not to tell me why he is not contacting me. i need answers, but for some reason he is not telling me its over.now my question how can i walk out. how can i stop loveing him how can i say good bye i'am madly an love with this man. everything i do is for him. like letting my hair grow. the nude pictures meeting him out, letting him come to my house when my husband is gone. its all for him. all he is doing for me giveing me sex. i need help. please,, sign shedevil

[VERY DEPRESSED]

i'am new on here so here goes. i 'am married...... 12 years ago i started an affair with this man, i noed he had a live an girfriend, but i thought at this time it wasnt going to last a few months at one time i tryed to end it. so as time went on i got to love him. i'am so deep an this affair its killing me. i hurt , i cry , i'am so depressed at times. at one time he told me he love me so one day he just stop, but he stills sees me. he does not show me his feelings at all his brain is like steel i cant seen to get behind that wall. i seen him weeks 3 ago i havent got no E-mail from him i no he is reading my mail. i dont no if he is telling me its over or he has got me guessing playing with my mind. I no i got to let go of him and i no i got to go threw pain to let go. but i feel like i want to call his girfriend at home and tell her everthing. he is not dumping me like this. i also want to tell my husband i'am tired of lies. I had this affair to long for him not to tell me why he is not contacting me. i need answers, but for some reason he is not telling me its over.now my question how can i walk out. how can i stop loveing him how can i say good bye i'am madly an love with this man. everything i do is for him. like letting my hair grow. the nude pictures meeting him out, letting him come to my house when my husband is gone. its all for him. all he is doing for me giveing me sex. i need help. please,, sign shedevil

do you want to be lied to?

[Bryanp]

He has played you for 12 years and just used you for sex and now he is throwing you away. I would tell his girlfriend and certainly tell your husband. How would you feel if your husband for 12 years was screwing his lover behind your back and screwed her over and over again at your house and in your bed while you are at work? Do you have any guilt and remore for your husband and what you have done to your marriage?

[Blind Illusion]

I am sorry you are going through this and I very much agree that this man owes you an explanation after all that time. Over time, just like in marriages, people start taking the other party for granted and that isn't right.

 

I would not tell the man's girlfriend however. What is that really going to accomplish? It is my feeling that when people tell the other person's spouse, it is usually not motivated by some altruistic, noblest of efforts. Deep down, if they are honest with themselves, some of the motive has to do with the desire to hurt in the same fashion as they are.

 

If it's the OW revealing the affair to the BS, many times the thoughts are: "If I can't be happy with him, why should you go through life thinking he is so wonderful & be happy"

 

If it's the BS doing the revelation, there is that twinge of "you messed up what I thought was a good union, I will do the likewise by telling your spouse & hopefully obtaining insurance that the affair will discontinue ."

 

Not that I cannot completely understand feeling like this in either scenario. It's just that I don"t think any good comes of it. The MM isn't going to come running to you after that in the first instance. The OP's spouse cannot keep the OP from seeing your spouse in the future;that must come from within them & their sincere desire to 'fix' their marriage.

 

Fix your own "backyard" (self/marriage) first. Maybe you should speak with a therapist. Not only can they help with the depression but they can help you explain to your husband what prompted you to look outside your marriage and take it from there. Good luck.