I really think he is cheating. And I am dying over ith

[IfYouWantMeTo]

Hello,

I'll try to make this short, but it might be sort of difficult. Please try to read it all, if you can. If you don't want to read it all, I put my current problem in bold.

 

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. But about a year and a half ago, he wanted space and didn't know if he wanted to stay together. A month or so after, something really bad happened to him and he wanted me there. During that time, he told me he had cheated on me 13 times during our then year and a half relationship. He had lied to me constantly and done lots of things with other people.

 

But we stayed together. I loved (and still love) him so much, leaving him didn't even seem real to me. He was so nice during that time, trying to earn my trust back. It's been a REALLY hard year for us. But extremely slowly, the trust was coming back. I still worried but usually he was really comforting. Sometimes he'd get really sick of it though and we'd get into fights. Actually, for awhile there, we were getting in tons of fights and he'd get phsyical, which scared me. But I thought we had worked past that.

 

Now on to my current problem. Recently, he was sleeping over and something came over me to check his cell phone. I hardly ever feel the need to do that, because we're trying to build the trust up...but something just told me to. There was a text message from a girl, saying something like "we need to hang out tomorrow." I started shaking and sobbing, I couldn't control myself. I felt like what we were building up was a complete lie again. I woke him up and asked him to PLEASE tell me what was going on. I wasn't yelling or calling him names, but I was sobbing and shaking. He got so mad at me. He said he's sick of being accused of cheating and he started getting dressed to leave. I BEGGED him not to go, but he did anyway. We got into a fight over it all and he didn't talk to me for days. I would call and he would be so distant. I was a wreck. Finally he started to talk to me, but was still distant. I was so worried and sick over it. He said his friend was using his cell phone and that was why her number and text message was on his phone. But the text message was new...it didn't add up for me.

 

Then one day after I got home from work, his friend called me...basically he told me he was really mad at my boyfriend, and he was going to be honest with me. He said my boyfriend was basically seeing another girl. I LOST it. I mean, completely. I can honestly say I went insane. I started throwing things and breaking things...I live at home, so my mom got freaked out and called the cops on me. They came and made me feel like an ass. My boyfriend showed up halfway through and was really nice to me...and he took me to his house to talk to me about it all. He said it was a complete lie and his friend was just mad at him for ditching him (which was true, his friend even said that) and he got really upset and said he didn't want what we had built up to be broken over this. But after checking his cell phone that very day, I found a message he sent to his friend that basically said..."she (me) thinks I'm cheating on her...she wants to talk to jes (the stupid girl his friend said he was cheating on me with) so when she calls, tell jes to tell her i don't like her and she doesn't like me" He says he didn't mean it how it was said. I don't trust it or believe it. It's another thing I'm sick over.

 

I was still SO uneasy over it, but I tried to trust him. I talked to his friend again, and he basically admitted to making parts of it up. His friend is also very stupid, so it's hard to get responses out of him that make any sense. He took some of it back, but not all of it. I was worried but my boyfriend was trying to be comforting (although sometimes would get really annoyed/sick of it) But after that, he's been kind of weird with his cell phone. Usually he would leave it out, but lately it seems like he's been hiding it or something. And anytime I checked it (I would ask first, but I said it would make me feel better if I could check it from time to time) there would be no new calls or messages. It seemed like he was deleting them. He said he was just cleaning out his phone, but I don't trust that.

 

Then 2 nights ago I checked his cell phone again while he was asleep. There was a missed call. I called it back and it was a girl. I asked "who is this" over and over, but she was drunk and a bitch and was just laughing at me. Then she hung up on me. Her friend called me back and, in immature teenage fashion, said I was 'starting **** with her friend' and all of this stuff. Then some guy took the phone. He was really drunk, but told me his name, and it was someone my boyfriend hangs out with all the time.

 

He asked me if I was Jarrett's girlfriend, and I said yes...he said something like "oh okay...because some things need to be cleared up between jarrett and some girls" I kept asking what he meant, but he was drunk and it was hard to get coherent answers. Then he said he had to go and hung up. Again, I was a wreck...I woke my boyfriend up and explained the whole thing. I guess I didn't learn from my mistake last time. He got really mad again and said I was accusing him and he started to leave...after about an hour of me begging him not to, he didn't. We both fell asleep. The next day, after about an hour or so, I asked him again to explain why girls were calling him and everything. He got mad again. He wouldn't talk to me about it.

 

And after checking his cell again, I realized he had deleted most of the numbers that called him the night before. Not all, but most. I confronted him about it and he said he was just cleaning his phone out...which makes no sense to me, because why would you just clean out some numbers, but not all?

 

He won't talk to me about it, he gets mad when I bring it up. I am 99% sure something is going on. I know I should probably be 100% sure but if I was 100% sure, I'd probably shoot myself. I don't know what to do. I'm losing my mind and I feel like I have no one to talk to. If he is cheating again, I honestly fear I will do something drastic. I don't feel in control of myself anymore. He's been with me a LOT, he told me he would be around me more often because he knows how worried I am. That comforts me. That is why I'm so confused...sometimes he is so nice to me and he'll hold me and comfort me and he's been around me so much since it all happened. But he still won't sit down and talk to me about it all. Sometimes he's distant and I'm so confused.

 

I guess I sound crazy, but I think I'm slowly getting there. It's been too long of building it all back up for him t just cheat again .I just don't know what to do.

 

I don't know what I'm looking for. I know most people will tell me to dump him, but I feel like I really can't. So I don't know what I want...I just need to know someone is listening to what I'm feeling.

[MadDog]

Let me get this straight (I love it when I have to start posts like that). This guy cheated on you 13 times in 1.5 years. He'd "get physical" when you two had fights. There's enough evidence that he's cheating on you now to convict Mother Teresa of first degree murder. I know you don't want to hear "dump him" so okay, don't dump him. Stay with him, but have you ever considered how it might be better for your happiness and sanity to simply:

 

1. find someone else

2. be single

3. move to Siberia?

 

All three of those are realistic options for you. I'm just confused as to why you insist on staying with this guy when all you have is heartache.

 

MD

[Citizen Erased]

but have you ever considered how it might be better for your happiness and sanity to simply:

 

1. find someone else

2. be single

3. move to Siberia?

 

All three of those are realistic options for you.

MD

 

:laugh: Siberia huh?

OP this guy is not right for you. He is abusive and a lying cheating a$$. Think of how many guys there are out there. You are female therefor you are hot (lol!) and you need to get your confidence back. You are dependant upon him, which is what he counts on. He has lowered your self esteem because he knows no confidant girl would ever stay with his cheating a$$.

 

I know we all say it, but I suggest counselling. You need to leave this guy, and all negative things, behind you so you can heal properly. Get your family and friends to support you, but have NC with this guy because he is not get for anyones mental health.

 

Good luck honey and I hope you find the strength to find that someone out there who will treat you like that fabulous woman you are!

[sandra]

This is crazy!! He cheated 13 timesss!!! I totally agree with MadDog. Move on girl! This is torturing yourself. First of all no matter how mad his friend got at your boyfriend there is no way he's going to call you and tell you that he's cheating on you unless he really is.

I know you love this guy, but if he's done it 13 times.... don't lie to yourself, he'll do it again and again. what'll happen to you next time he does? You'll probably get looney and all.

I'm sure you'll find someone who'll treat you soo good that you'd wonder what you were thinking sticking with this boyfriend of yours.

Nobody deserves what this guy is doing to you.

Wake up girl!!!!

[IrishCarBomb]

Please, please, please, please..... go see a therapist. I beg you. You will be so much better off.

 

The real tragedy will be that no matter how great a guy comes along later on... this girl will still dream about this jackass who beat her.

 

I mean... seriously... you love him because he is sometimes nice to you and holds you? There is no way you have been in a serious relationship before this one. I am an a**h*** and I still realize that a person should get more than that out of a relationship.

 

To be brutally honest... I think you are a headcase that thrives on drama. It won't lead to lasting happiness with a relationship... or with yourself. (especially with threatening suicide here) Go see a therapist.

 

Oh... and please keep using condoms. There is no telling what sort of diseases this guy is going to bring home.

[Guest]

I'm working through the same thing right now and lots of what you said sounds so familiar. I plan on posting about it soon but I have to wait for my password (forgot it!). I have been with my sig. other for about 2.5 years and he has recently been looking for local love online. I have busted him and his profiles read that he is looking for a female to go to movies and the bar with. He gets irrate when I bring it up. I'm at the point where I don't know what to do. Breaking up is so hard and I totally feel for your, while many people on these boards say stuff like "get therapy." Maybe that would be good for people like you and me, because this is so hard but it is the cheaters who are the most messed up. It is hard when a relationship is built up and it seems strange that a partner would throw it all away for nothing. The parts when you talk about thinking constantly when you are suspicious are very familiar to me right now.

[IfYouWantMeTo]

Thank you for your responses. Like I said before, I don't know what I'm looking for...I mean I know everyone is going to say to just leave him. And I would probably say the same thing if someone was coming to me with this situation. But I do appreciate the responses.

 

IrishCarBomb, I will agree with you that I'm a headcase. But please trust when I say I don't thrive on drama. I see how it can be perceived that way, but really, I shut down when drama happens. I hate it. I know it should be, but it's not as easy as 'just leaving him.' Maybe it should be and I'm crazy, but it's just so hard. But again, thanks for the response.

 

I am seeing a therapist, I have been for months but it's not doing much. I know that's mostly my fault because after awhile I get really embarrassed opening up and just kinda stop. I don't know. I'm at a loss.

[too unreal]

Apparently, you are not the only one that thinks something is wrong. All of his friends do too.....It is highly unusual that the male friends would cross the threshold and try to reach out the GF to let her know something is not quite right with her BF....Either they know what a great girl you are and feel bad about what he is doing, or he has approached them all directly presenting the problem of "how" to break up with you because he cant bring himself to do it......one thing is clear, everyone IS envolved, down to the male friends, to the girl friends of the male friends.....

 

I am going to tell you something that you may already know:

 

HE HAS LOST RESPECT FOR YOU.

 

Its that simple. Cheating 13 times??!! Unreal.....

 

 

He got so mad at me. He said he's sick of being accused of cheating and he started getting dressed to leave. I BEGGED him not to go, but he did anyway. We got into a fight over it all and he didn't talk to me for days. I would call and he would be so distant. I was a wreck. Finally he started to talk to me, but was still distant. I was so worried and sick over it.

 

Laying the blame all on you??!! He's sick of it??!! What about how YOU feel putting up with it??!!! You have every right to be upset and instead of clearing things up, or at the very least comforting you, he turns it around as if HE is the one being wronged??!! UNREAL...

 

HE DOESNT RESPECT YOU.

 

The part about the cops coming, and your BF telling you the story that his friend made up the lie because he was angry at your BF for ditching him??? and you say it is true because the friend told you so??? ANOTHER LIE....Here is why:

 

But after checking his cell phone that very day, I found a message he sent to his friend that basically said..."she (me) thinks I'm cheating on her...she wants to talk to jes (the stupid girl his friend said he was cheating on me with) so when she calls, tell jes to tell her i don't like her and she doesn't like me"

 

 

The friends lie for him......get it??? He already knows they will cover for him....of course a big scene with the cops is going to make your BF call his friend and basically make him take the story back and claim it wasnt true.....

 

 

My guess is something is rotten with the whole lot of them...either they genuinely feel bad for you, and think you are a sweet innocent girl who doesnt deserve the $hit your BF is feeding you (hence the reasons for the friends confessions) or they are all getting a laugh at your expense.....

 

HE HAS NO RESPECT FOR YOU AT ALL....AT ALL...

 

and sooner or later (if not already) the friends wont either...in fact, I think they dont...

 

Do you understand that he has no respect for you?? Say this to yourself. Turn this sentence around and study it for a while. THink about it...he has been allowed to cross major major boundary lines with you, and you keep letting him back in....

 

HE LOST ALL OF HIS RESPECT FOR YOU....

 

I am sure at this point he has quite a big head, leading you on, pushing you away, treating you like dirt, making you pay for his f-up mistakes while you grovel for him not to leave you??!!!!!!

 

This relationship is a lost cause...it really really is....I think a change of scenery will do you good....You do not deserve to be treated like a speck of dirt on the ground...you have worth....whether you realize it or not, or believe it or not.....

 

Why not perform a practice test? You may as well, your not doing anything right now except getting treated like $hit and you already feel like you have nothing to live for and it is quite OBVIOUS that you dont seem to get it, and what you are doing isnt working (definition of insanity is doing something over and over again expecting different results)

 

Why not test him? WITHDRAW from him...big time....to fill in the empty gaps of time you used to obsess over him and what he is doing repeat these lines in your head "he does not respect me, he never has, never will"....find an activity quick....something that you can take your aggression out on, go jogging, anything but him...ignore his phone calls, refuse to see him. DO NOT CAVE IN.

 

See if he comes running back.....He just might, if this whole thing was an ego trip for him, but I doubt he will.., but if he does, do not let him back in....make him pay for what he has done to you, your mind, your image, your self esteem.Show them all that you are not a mindless idiot that has no respect for herself.......Post your feelings here...work on yourself so you never have to go through this again.....

 

How old are you guys, anyway??

[Sassy]

I can understand someone cheating once but he cheated 13 times and you going to stay with him . What are you thinking ? Have you no respect for yourself .Dump him he is a loser and will continue to cheat as long as you stay with him . He has no respect for you to have done it to you over and over again. Run he is a loser!!

[IfYouWantMeTo]

Too unreal...what you wrote made me cry. You really hit the nail on the head. He doesn't respect me. And his friend...well, his friend and I never really got along very well. But deep down he's not an a**h***. I think that's why he told me. I think he does feel bad for me. His other friends, however, could care less I'm sure. Or they think it's funny. Which makes me sick to my stomach.

 

It's just so hard, you know? I know he doesn't respect me. I know that him turning it around on me is wrong...but when we're in the situation, I lose all reality. I really question if I'm the one that's wrong. I feel like everything gets turned around. Like a few others have said...I don't respect myself either. I don't like myself. I actually hate myself. I feel like I have been nothing but good to him, but it's never good enough. I feel so f-ing worthless. I know this sounds like one big pity party, and I guess it is. I just feel like I'm drowning in all of this and I'm too weak to pull myself out of it. I know I sound pathetic and I guess I understand why he doesn't respect me.

 

What you said about pulling away from him...I want to SO badly. Not to 'play games,' but for myself. But it gets so hard because sometimes he's so nice to me, and it feels like he really does love and care about me. But then it changes on a dime and I'm left out again.

 

I know that if I stay here, I can't shut him out. He lives *literally* right down the street from me...I can see his house when I walk outside. It kills me. I really need to get away. But even then, I'm scared I'm not strong enough. I don't want to cave but it gets so, so hard. And I'm sit there and think about all the things I've done wrong in the relationship, and I feel so responsible.

 

I've struggled with depression since my dad died, and I just feel so helpless to get out of it.

 

Oh, by the way...I'm 20, he's 17. I know that age has a lot to do with it, but I also get kind of upset when everyone blames it all on age, like it's an excuse. I never did this when I was 17. And I have been with other people when I was a teenager, and they never acted like this. I don't know. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up.

[onlyhuman]

Last year I had issues dealing with my wife.

Not repeating a story but I had low self confidence and couldn't stand up for myself.Things that were obvious to others flew right over my head.Decisions that I did or did not make still haunt me.

 

You have been overwhelmed, your perspective on reality has been distorted,your decision making process has broken down.

You have said your seeing a therapist with some success, get another one.I went through two therapists.The best guy actually was a hard ass, he was relentless, he was also always right and he gave me success.

 

Be prepared to hear things you don't like, be prepared for criticism, get ready to look in a mirror and cry a lot.

 

This guy is not good news, he is what he is,he will never change,you can.

I really hope you just cut all ties and help yourself, you can do this.

Many people here have done this, it isn't easy.

In a year from now you can look back and have respect for yourself, you can be a new you.You deserve better, just do it!

 

Good Luck

[too unreal]

Maybe the concept of drilling this in:

HE DOES NOT RESPECT YOU....

 

HE DOESNT RESPECT YOUR MIND, YOUR BODY, YOUR THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, OPINIONS...

 

HE DOESNT RESPECT YOU....PERIOD....HE DOESNT EVEN LIKE YOU. AT ALL.

 

WRITE THIS MESSAGE DOWN ON A BIG PIECE OF PAPER:

 

(insert name) DOESNT RESPECT ME, MY BODY OR MY FEELINGS.

 

make a couple of copies....

 

now tape it to your wall in your room, on your refrigerator, next to your phone, on the front door, anywhere you are bound to see it all the time..

 

will hopefully absorb enough for you to get it and move on....

 

It is not my intention to have you cry....It pains me to hear your story....I know what it feels like to be sucked in to such a mind game, and it sucks, because you know that you would never dare to treat anyone the way he treats you.....

You have been given a gift in your life...the gift of life....you only have one....use it, absorb it, know that you are special and blessed and are looked out for......do not waste another minute of your precious, precious gift on someone so not worth it.....

I know it is hard, I know that reading the other posters comments and stories might help for awhile...the therapist might help for an hour or two, watching a tv program might help, I understand....these are only temporary fixes to your problems......you want to know what to do in between time........

Dont fight your pain. Let it in, and after a while, the pain turns to anger and humiliation....work with it, survive through this.....YOU ARE WORTH IT.....Trust me, I dont know you, but I know that you are worth it......

 

Give yourself something to believe in.....write in a journal, go for a walk, get to a different part of the city, do something different......embrace your pain, move forward, and never look back......paint, draw, read, get a dog or a cat, volunteer, go to the library....dont fill your time with such an evil human.....and ....the next time he comes around or calls:

 

You are busy, you have things to do, (and leave the house right then)..I dont know if you have relatives, but go stay with them for the summer.....

 

You can break free, you can become stronger, you can and you will do it...because you know deep down inside, you are worth it.....

[too unreal]

You have been overwhelmed, your perspective on reality has been distorted,your decision making process has broken down.

 

Onlyhuman is right.....dont you agree??

 

The longer you stay, the harder it will be.....but everyone's learning curve is different....

 

Just remember that he doesnt respect you... or your body.... or your feelings.... this was all just one big sick joke to him and possibly his friends....

 

no need to confront him or his friends...they have had a laugh for far too long.....consider them lost souls and move on...

[Vertex]

It makes me so sad to see such kind, loving people put through abusive relationships. Please leave this guy -- you will be so much better off with someone else who will give you the love, attention, honesty, devotion, and respect that you deserve. Your questions and emotions are totally justified and he is wrong to make himself sound victimized in ANY way -- instead of trying to comfort you and try to make things better he is making excuses and pulling your feelings through a bed of fiery coals. I understand that you have a lot of love for him, but since you have been with him for three years, it may be a function of complacency. I am sure things were much better earlier on -- but lately it seems like he was putting on a mask and acting differently than what you had initially thought. This haze over cheating and the way he treats you is unacceptable, and I wonder if you are in love with how he used to be or if you are in love with the idea of him. Either way, this person is different in reality and doesn't respect you. It would be hard, but please consider moving on from this guy -- save your feelings for someone who can appreciate you as a human being and a lover.

[emmaUK]

he does not have one little bit of respect for you can you not see this.

i have been there before so i know exactly what you are going through, ive been in relationships like this and i have been the one standing in front of the door begging them not to go. i know wot its like to know that someone is a total a-hole and dont deserve me one bit but the feeling of being without them is just to heartbreaking to finish with them so i let them carry on walkin all over me and treatin me like crap.

this guy is insecure and needs to have all these women on his case to make him feel better about himself, blatantly.

he wants you coz he knows u r gonna be ther wotever s**t he dishes out to you when alot of other women would not stand for his crap and he knows full well that he can do exactly wot he likes and treat u like dirt and you are still gonna be there to tell him how great n wonderfull he is.

just get as many friends as possible as you can round you so during the hard stages its easier for you and get rid of this guy for good n dont let him sweettalk you to get back with him coz he is never changing.

please just get rid of him, i know itl b hard but trust me in a short while you will be looking back on this and wondering why you didnt chuck him a long long time ago. trust me when i say.. i really really know how u feel right now and its f-ing painfull but gettin rid of him is the best thing you can do. HE DOESNT DESERVE YOU OR YOUR TEARS

[nicki]

If you can, go to the bookstore and buy a book on breaking a love addiction.

 

I can't remember the title but there is at least one. It says "love addiction" in the title.

 

The book talks about how a person can be like a drug to us. It's very hard to "quit" them, even if they are a piece of sh*t like your boyfriend. But it can be done.

 

Most importantly, the book says not to expect comfort from the person causing your pain. Cut him off as your emotional support. He isn't your support, anyway. Just a big blow hole of pain.

 

The book also talks about no contact, and how to do that. Erase his phone number and email address. If you know his number anyway, call someone else the minute you feel the urge to call him. Designate a friend as your "sponsor". Kind of like AA.

 

You can't see him clearly now. The only way to get perspective is take some time to break free of this haze. That means no contact. Just go day to day. Try for a week. You will break your addiction of him bit by bit. It will happen.

 

Then, when you are clear, you can make the decision to stay or leave the relationship. I think you will choose to leave because you will have regained your clarity by then. And broken his hold on you.

 

Just remember. He's crazy, not you. Your perceptions are right on target. He is trying to control you, keep you addicted to him. Go No Contact. Get someone else to be your support. Get clear. Treat this as an emergency. YOU are the emergency.

 

Aren't you worth it? I think you are.

[Citizen Erased]

You are 20 and he is 17. Women mature earlier then men and he is still 12 years old whilst you are a woman. He does all of this because he knows that you are the older, more mature one and so he needs power over you. DONT LET HIM HAVE THE POWER TO RUIN YOUR LIFE!!!

 

What do you want? It is about time you look to the future. Do you want a husband, children, nice home, career? What are your dreams? Think of 5 years from now. Can you see yourself raising a family with him, or having him support you in a career? I would bet not. He is nice to you occasionally? SO WHAT!!! The 13 times he has cheated, the lies, the lack of respect, he thinking this is a big joke. WHY ARE YOU LETTING THIS HAPPEN?

 

Only you can be accountable for your actions. You cannot stay with him and you know it. You will end up living in his parents basement with 2 kids at the age of 25 whilst he goes out to 'work' at night (he is of course using countless amounts of women so he knows he is the big man with the wife and children at home and he is out sleeping with a range of whores and sl@ts) because he knows he has you hook line and sinker. Of course, this is the worse case scenario, but I bet you could think of worse.

 

I think you need to realise that this is for the long term. Can you put up with this for 40 odd years? Or will he leave you in about 2 years because he finds someone else who he can walk all over? Think of all of the decent, loving men you could be spending your time with rather then this immature brat. You walk past his house with your head up high, knowing you are heading towards the man which he can never be will be the best moment of your life.

[BeFree]

I dont usually read long post, but yours sucked me in. I am sorry this person is taKing advantage of you.

 

These are the best years of your life, your 20's can be so fun. Why waste them on this Jackass. Think of this, all those girls think of you a the big joke. You are the last to know and they think you are a big sucker.

Do you really want to be this girl!?

 

You are too good for him. I know you love him and think you will never get over him and it will be hard to see him. But think of how much more fun you will have dating a guy that you don't have to check his cell phone. Go to your family for support and get rid of this baggage. The longer you stick with him, the longer you will be the BIG JOKE with his friends and these girls!

[mjk]

Sweetheart, you need to run from this trash-hole as fast as you can. Don't look back because it will be nothing but pain. Once a jerk like he swwms to be cheats, he will always cheat. plus do you really want to agonize our looking at his cell phone, not trusting him, worrying yourself sick?

 

No way. Go find the guy that deserves to be with you. The real man!

[mjk]

Sorry, it was supposed to be "once a jerk like him starts to cheat, he will always cheat...Obviously I was upset for you!!

[Guest]

TO NICKI:

 

Im trying to use the advice you gave for my problem. only thing is im pregnant. i wish i could break all ties. now i feel stuck..... i konw me being in the relationship is not good for me mentally because i constantly worry if he is cheating.... im having a baby in april for him. any advice on how to walk away from the relationship and still be able to get over it??? ill have to see him every day. as far as he knows, we are both happy in the relationship. he isnt aware that i worry myself sick over him. our relationship is going good, but i know what happens behind the scenes..... or at least i think i do.

 

i dont know what to do! Im only 19 and hes only 21 so i know he has a lot of growing up to do, and i love him very much, but i dont know if i can hang around till he decides he just wants me. yeah he says he loves me which i know he does he talks about marriage and things. but i cant be with someone i dont trust. its hard to break up with him cuz like i said, as far as he knows its goin good and me breakin up with him would hurt him cuz it would come out of nowhere..... any suggestions??

[nicki]

Big hug to you and your baby. You will be okay. You can handle this. You are stronger than you know.

 

Who can you go to for support? Mom, sister, friend? Please tell them how much you need them right now. Physically be with them. Are you living with this guy? Leave and go be with your new support person.

 

Stop being concerned with him. He is not concerned with you. It doesn't matter that he might not see you breaking up with him coming (but I bet he does.) You don't owe him anything. His actions have shown you all you need to know. He doesn't even deserve an explanation at this point.

 

Be concerned about you and that baby. He may be the father's baby, but you don't have to stay with him.

 

So, go to a friend, relative. Don't talk to this guy for a few days. You are too weak to stand up to what he might say to get you back....and getting you back would only be temporary. Then you would feel miserable again because the problems are still there.

 

Don't talk to him. Physically get away from him. Stay busy with making plans for the baby. Buy some baby stuff. If you work, throw yourself into work. Anytime you want to talk to "Loser," call your support person instead. Your head will clear. I promise! Keep posting here.

 

You and the baby deserve so much more. Would you want your baby girl to grow up and be with this kind of man? You need to show her/him what a strong woman does: Protects herself and her children. You can do it!

[Guest]

Nicki,

 

Thanks for the hug . the thing is that i cant prove he is doing anything. i dont know if i mentioned this is my last post, but he cheated before and thats why i dont trust him. i am a snooper but the thing is when i have gone through his phone and stuff i havent found anything. he doesnt know i go through his phone. he treats me very well, besides when he cheated on me a while back, that of which he admitted to me.

 

No, i dont live with him i still live with my parents but he has asked me to move in with him and stuff. i know if i move in with him, that ill be on bad terms with my parents and if i ever needed to go live back home, i would most likely get the cold shoulder.

 

The support system thing you said was good. i have been talkin to my friends more so that has helped me occupy my time instead of worrying all about him. me and my mom arent really close so having her to talk to is out of the question, even though that would probably help me more, but sadly we have never been close.

 

As i said in the beginning, he isnt cheating on me anymore and he has always treated me well, but i mean like i said i just dont trust him whether he is cheating or not i will have it in my head that he is. I am always wondering what he is doing between classes while im at work and before he goes to work.

 

Here is a typical day: calls me when he wakes up, goes to school, calls me when he gets home, sometimes hell call before he goes to work, call me when he gets off work and while he is at work ( he works from 2 to about midnight) and we talk till we fall asleep. when he is off work, we spend the day together and i stay at his house.

 

so my question is, do you think i just have a problem?? i forgave him for what happened a while back and its done with, but i still have the trust issue. and then its like when we get off the phone im like hmm i wonder who he is talkin to, when hes at work im like hmm i wonder if hes textin anybody. its just a horrible feeling worrying all the time. yeah its true if he cheated on me before he will most likely do it again but its like i cant live my life waiting for it. i cant sit here and worry all the time, it runs my head up a wall!! should i talk to him about how much i cant trust him?? or since i cant trust him or anybody for that matter, just get out of the relationship?

 

here is my thinking, i love him and want to be with him, but not being able to trust him isnt good. but i mean if i love him and still want to be with him, if i break up with him, ill be worrying even more about who hes talkin to and all that. i think i just have a big problem. i can end it and worry , or i can stay with him cuz i want to be with him and still worry. its like no end ya know? we are really close and stuff , i dont know like i said maybe i have a serious problem.... everyone knows if you dont have trust you have nothing, but what is a girl to do?? i know he will be a great dad and he is a great bf but still....... im confused! please give me more insight.. i should have posted the whooolle long drawn out story but i didnt, so feel free to ask questions.

 

oh, i have dialated one centimeter!! its getting closer!!

[MrsHellFire]

I hate to break this to you, but a guy who cheats 13 times doesn't change overnight.. hell it's in his character so he might NEVER be able to change!!!! Either deal with it or LEAVE!

[Girlie]

Don't even really know what to say. I've been there before so I feel your pain, definitely. But you have to walk away for your own sanity. It will be hard at first. When I left my miserable, cheating scum it sucked. It felt like hell because I was so crazy about him for whatever reason. I thought I would never ever recover or love anyone else. But you know, looking back, I don't know why I didn't do it sooner. After I left I focused on me. I didn't take his phone calls, didn't answer his letters, didn't respond to his emails. And after a while, I felt nothing. I don't love him, I don't hate him, I feel nothing for him. And now he's the one suffering because I left and I don't care (that part probably sounds horrible, but oh well. lol). If I can do it, I know other people can, too. It's really a lot like an addiction. You find your support system, and take one day at a time and stick to your guns. But you can walk away from it.