tiredandsad Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 I posted my problem about a month ago, and I got various responses to my dilema. I caught my wife cheating and now after 5 months I am still strugling with it. We have been going to therapy and things have been better, but I still have my emotions going all different directions. For the first 2 to 3 months, she kept hugging me, holding my hands in bed, and being very loving. Then it stopped happening slowly and I kept hugging and kissingher and making sure that she knows that I still love her and I am in this thing to the end despite our problems. Lately (about 1 to 2 months), I am noticing that this is becoming one sided now. If I do not approach her to hug or kiss, she would not make the effort at all. For the past week, I stopped all contact, and she has not even said anything about why I am not doing them anymore. To make things worse, today after my therapy session, I called her and said that I love her, and her comment was, "I know, and that is half of my problem". As if she is waiting for me to say goodby and so she would not have to carry the blame for the separation. Maybe I am wrong, but tonight when I asked her what she ment, she said there are alot of things I want to say to you, but I cant. I am totaly confused. In therapy she complained about lack of communication, and now this. I was not the one who cheated, and now I have to pay for it. They say I am a nice guy, bla, bla, bla..... but it is getting me nowhere. I have no self esteem, lost my sexual drive, and I am not sure if she realy wants me or not? I am not sure if anybody wants a nice guy anymore... I am 44 years old with 2 beautiful kids, however, everything seems to be crashing in my face and no one that metters cares. I can not sleep, and I am realy thinking if it is feasible to stay or not. My kids are 9 and 5, and I will miss them very much. They are everything to me, but a loveless home is just that. I am sure the kids will pickup on that. I am lost and not sure what to do.... Link to post Share on other sites
MadDog Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 You can get a divorce and still be a part of your kids' lives. It seems pretty obvious to me that her heart's not in the relationship and the only reason she initially agreed to counseling and showed more affection was out of guilt. Once the guilt wore off, she basically went back to her old mentality. Just make sure you make every effort to still be a positive and big part of your kids' lives (get joint custody, make every minute you have with them count). It's probably the best thing for them anyway since seeing their parents in a loveless marriage isn't necessarily good for them either. Good luck with everything. MD Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 I would take her comment as meaning....... "You love me, I don't love you in that way, I want to leave you but I am too much of a coward to do it, so I'm hoping you eventually leave me if I treat you bad enough." Link to post Share on other sites
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