Heart-Wrenched

[Andrea]

I have been with my ex-boyfriend for a year and a half and we broke up once, I got him through a number of problems, and he actually settled down a lot as opposed to being in the club scene when we were together. He was a very selfish, arrogant person at times and we have had one too many arguments in which he didn't want to discuss or deal with. Finally, I got tired of the breakup threats and dealing with his attitude. In April, he broke it off and I decided it would be best not to go back. He had issues that he needed to deal with within himself. He was too dependent on me to take him to visit his son, since he lost his license, or to always be there no matter how much he took me for granted. I did alot for him including driving an hour to see him since he moved.

 

Once I decided not to go back, he cried for me, sent me flowers, came over by train spur of the moment and expected me to pick him up as he left teary messages on my machine. It totally broke my heart but all I could do was stay on the phone with him, I couldn't bring myself to pick him up at the station or go over and hold him because it would not be fair to him or me. I fell into dating someone-I think because I was vulnerable and needed the attention. I was open and told him about it, and he told everyone I broke up with him for someone else -which isn't true. He casually dated two other girls but, even behind the guy I was dating's back, my ex and I would still talk as friends. I told this guy I will always be in love with my ex. I told my ex about my relationship with the other guy. We talked like friends about it. He needed to get his head on and be independent. My ex was with someone before me who hurt him really bad and now feels that my hurting him, compounded that and everyone will hurt him. THe guy I was dating, broke it off and my time alone made me realize, even if I was with someone else, I can't imagine my ex out of my life. I am truely in love with him and never felt like that for anyone in my life. When I am around him, as opposed to on the phone, I realize my feelings haven't changed. He says he loves me but doesn't know if his feelings weekened. He said he needstime to think things over. It isn't because I am lonely that I want to be with him but, truely feel that he loves me just as much. Maybe we should be together after all we have been through. I was just on an ego trip after he broke up with me, by dating someone else. He was hurting and I didn't know what was right except not to be around to help him move on getting himself together.

 

Now he is doing well for himself in many ways and I want to try it again. We have been hanging out and I was also the only one there for his birthday. We were intimate and we got along as though I were never gone. Once I approached him about trying again, he couldn't answer me. He said the other girl he was seeing didn't mean anything and he and his friends said she is trouble, but when I asked when he was with her intimately, he said around 2 weeks ago which was after I was! I got upset and left a message on the phone saying that now I guess that what we did meant nothing and if he cant give me an answer about us and he was with her, maybe we shouldn't talk. I sent a letter explaining how I felt and he should get some roses today.

 

I wonder how he could physically be with someone else after me. I know we weren't committed but, wouldn't it stir up any emotions in someone who said they were so in love with me?

 

How do I regain his trust and get him back in my life? He said he has no feelings for the other girl and isn't necessarily happy being single.

 

He said we would hang out and see what happens and he still says someday he is going to marry me. I don't know if he is just joking or not and I wonder if I lost him forever. I love him so much I am sick. This is the man I want to marry. I thought being apart would help us become closer in the end. I had no intentions of getting involved with anyone else. It just happened out of vulnerability. I wasn't getting that attention from him. He already broke up with me anyway. I have always been faithful to him. He knows no one ever loved him unconditionally like me. After my questioning him and him not wanting to discuss it at the time, I haven't heard from him. It's been a day. I don't know what to do or expect. Have I lost him forever?