Is this the end?

[Dusted]

Well the thing I mostly worried about has happened. Not because it had to but because I caused it. My three year relationship with my girlfriend has ended because I pushed it. What I mean by pushing it is that I questioned my girlfriends every move and I guess she had enough. I was told by her sister to leave her alone and that I was seeing too much into things but I just didn't listen. If you were in my shoes you would too question as to what is going on because when a girl changes her attitude and emotion all of a sudden you would wonder yourself! After the break up my friend went to her house to see if there is anything he could salvage in the relationship. He came back telling me I was wrong for doing what I was doing and that she would take

 

me back when I'm back to my original self! In fact, before he went over her house I went there to talk to her. Everything was so emotional and such that I couldn't take it anymore. But before I left she promised me that she would wait for me and not date anyone else. She wants me everything back to the way it use to be before all this happened. I want to go back but she said she needed time to herself. I love her tremendously and I don't want to lose her for something so minor. I need some help because I devistated!

[Tony T]

It sounds like your girlfriend was right in leaving you. So, what are the chances of you getting back to the way you used to be?

 

Nobody wants to be questioned about their every move. You don't even have the right to do that. If you're with someone you don't trust, just get away from them...but don't treat them like a child.

 

It sounds like you need some time to mature and learn to conduct an adult relationship. What you are doing was pretty childish.

 

I hope you change and show this lady you have made permanent change before she gets over you and finds a guy who will treat her right.

 

Don't knock yourself too hard, though. These are the kinds of things that happen in life to teach us lessons to make us better people. The school of life isn't easy.

 

By the way, when a lady changes her attitude and emotions all of a sudden, you don't go to her sister, her friends or her family to find out why. You take this up directly with HER. And if you don't like the answers you get, you have to move on.

 

If you're going to win at love, you've got to be tough or it will chew you up and spit you out sure as anything.

[witchbreed]

Hi

 

Tony was giving sound advice.

 

It is very hard to be with someone who mistrusts you, it hurts badly. Most of the time, the mistrust has to do with the past of the one mistrusting, it the partner knows the cause of the old hurts, he/she might be able to handle them for a while. But the mistrusting one will have to work this mistrust out, bring it into relation.

 

I dont know anything about your past, mistrusting other people can be caused by something which happened in a past romantic relationsship or it could go back farther. Just an example: a child is emotionally neglected, never sure about the love of its parents, or there is withdrawal of love as soon as the child "misbehaves", if that child has not worked out these problems, they are likely to haunt their aduld relationsship. These people dont really believe to be worthy of love and therefore mistrust anybody loving them. Could be that something like that has caused your mistrust. If that is the case, you need to work this out - I would suggest counseling, but it could be done with real good friends too - to give yourself a chance for a really good and happy relationsship.

 

I dont know, how much your gf has been hurt and if there is a chance of going back together. There might, but even if there was not, you owe it to yourself, to sort yourself out, get more selfesteem and start loving yourself!

 

I wish you all the best and who knows, you still might be in time to work it out with your gf.

 

One suggestion. If you feel unsecure about her love, tell her you feel unsecure, tell her you feel hurt and tell her about your fears, but do not accuse her of making you unsecure and hurting you. If you start accusing she will have to defend herself (natural reaction) and will feel hurt herself, so no real change will happen.

 

I wish you luck!