lehen99 Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 My ex of 4 years recently broke up with my for the 3rd time. We have a child together who is a year old. It seems like every year or so she decides to leave me. Then after maybe six months or less she comes back. The first time she dumped me was right after she got pregnant, and her mom convinced her I was the devil pretty much. The second time we had our wedding planned and everything and she dumped me about 2 weeks before the wedding because she said I was too controlling, which is completely bull because SHE was the one who always controlled everything, not me. I almost always gave in to her. Now the third time she says she doesn't love me anymore, (at first she said I didn't love her because I didn't cuddle with her enough.) I couldn't even leave this girl alone for more than 4 hours without her getting upset about it. I never cheated on her or even thought about it. I never hit her, I always tried to put her needs first. It's almost like she needed someone to baby her like a newborn. She is 21 years old, and I'm 25. I even gave her the option of not working at all, just staying home (doning whatever she wanted too) but... I don't know I can't even to fathom what is going on inside that head of hers. I pretty much gave my life to her. My parents loved her and she loved them. Her mom on the other hand didn't like me at all. Her mom is kind of childish by the way. When she moved in with me her mom pretty much stopped talking to her. She didn't even really want anything to do with our child until after she broke up with me. She also said she coudln't be on her car insurance anymore because she didn't agree with what she was doing. I mean my parents would never do anything like that, and I sure as #%!@ wouldn't do anything like that to my daughter. So I'm sure how you can see where I'm coming from saying her mom is childish. She never had her dad growing up. Her mom has been married about 6 times, so I'm not sure if this has anything to do with her behavior or emotions.. I'm really confused about what is going on here. I seem to notice a pattern. It has been almost a year exactly everytime she has left me, then comes back. None of the other times did she see anyone else. I'm not sure if she has comittment issues or what. I would be willing to take her back again if she ever wants too. I don't know if she is seeing anyone now or not. I've been going crazy here lately trying to figure out what went wrong. My parents and everyone else I've talked to about this has said she needs to grow up. My parents still like her but they don't agree with what she is doing. One good thing is that I still get to see my daughter whenever I want to. And I even tried paying her child support, but she says she doesn't want it, and I know she needs the money I used to pay her bills so I know what she is dealing with. I also told her anytime our daughter needed anything to ask me, but she hasn't. I make about over twice what she makes, so it is no problem for me to buy our child stuff. I've been setting some money aside for our daughter just in case. I stopped talking to her pretty much except when I call to tell her when I am coming to get our daughter, or anything else about our child. Before I called all the time, and after I stopped it seems like she is calling me for no apparent reason asking me when I am coming to get our daughter, even though I have already told her what days and when. And another thing she only calls when she is at work. She told me to call her one day and let her know what time I was going to pick up our child one day, but the way she said it was kind of like she was saying I could only call while she was at work. She lives at her aunt's house by the way.Sometimes when I call she sounds really depressed, other times she sounds normal. I am almost certain that she will want to come back to me one day, but I'm not really sure. I would love to have her back, and in my opinion my daughter would have the best life possible if we were together. We always got along pretty well. We had the normal quarells about little things that all relationships have, but nothing really major. I'm not sure about weather or not her dad not being around when she was growing up has anything to do with any of this or not, but most women I know that are single moms would kill to have their kids dad be like me. I think I've ranted and raived enough, so any input, advice or helpfull words would be greatly appreciated. (By the way reading things on this site and posting things has been greatly helpfull to me here lately) Link to post Share on other sites
Dinnj1 Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 in my experience... if you give her a 4th chance... again. Then you'll be back here asking if she deserves a 5th... a 6th... 7th... when will end??? she keeps leaving and coming back because she knows she CAN. You always take her back. You need some boundaries. (RULES... and stick to em') Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 Lehen, this girl sounds pretty immature...but, then again, she is *ONLY* 21 yrs old & with a baby. Dang, that's got to be tough. Too much responsibility for a girl that age. She kinda sounds like me at that age. I am thinking that she might be rebelling over some bad choices she's made. I am sure having a baby at 21 yrs old was not at the top of the list. (No offense! ) Thank God, for your baby's sake, you have your head on straight. You sound like you have your priorities in line. Some people never get their priorities in line. Maybe if you do some tough-love with her she might get the idea. But, be prepared, that just might be enough to break the camel's back, per say. Link to post Share on other sites
Dinnj1 Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 Maybe if you do some tough-love with her tough-love... those were the words I was lookin' for ... tough-love = boundaries... same thing??? Hopefully he gets the picture. Link to post Share on other sites
roxy_1980 Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 I think that taking her back without any repercussions is not the best of ideas. She needs to realize that you're not her personal doormat. You need to work through things if she comes back before making any commitments. I also think that she learned this pattern from her mother. Not because her dad wasn't around, but because she's had 5 other "dads" wander in and out of her life. Her mother's high guy turnover is a learned behaviour. She's been programmed to think that's what you do in life. Unfortunately, behaviours learned that young are very hard to break. Stay strong, Roxy Link to post Share on other sites
Author lehen99 Posted March 31, 2006 Author Share Posted March 31, 2006 One thing I forgot to add to this is kind of bizzare to me. Not too long after we started dating, we were sitting in the car talking and I asked her if we were meant to be together or if it was just an accident. Not even one second after I asked her this a song came on the radio, and the first line says (It was no accident me finding you), this is really weird because I have only heard this song once on the radio since it happened, which was about a 3 year period, and I listen to the radio almost 24/7. This leaves me with the feeling that we were meant to be together, and that no matter what happens one day fate will bring it around. Any input here? I think that the odds of this happening are like the odds of winning a billion dollars. Not sure about this one. And one more thing, If anyone wants additinal info about our relationship don't hesitate to ask I would be more than willing to explain any questions Link to post Share on other sites
Just Visiting Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 I think you are reaching in terms of the radio thing. It's really unfortunate to see a young mother behave this way. And you are right, this is due to the way her mother conducted her own life. However, you are someone who doesn't deserve to be treated like a yo-yo, especially with a child involved. I think you really need to give up the idea of a romantic relationship with this girl. She has some serious growing up to do and don't subject yourself to that drama. It is going to take her a loooong time to get to place where she can be a proper partner for anyone. You sound like a mature, responsible parent who just wants the best for her. And that's great to see. But DO draw some boundaries with her. Don't reconcile but remain civil regarding your daughter. She is going to try a whole lot of childish tactics with you, do not react as you know it is part of the package. Concentrate on yourself and your daughter's wellbeing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lehen99 Posted April 1, 2006 Author Share Posted April 1, 2006 She is going to try a whole lot of childish tactics with you, do not react as you know it is part of the package. What kind of "childish tactics are you referring too, and what should I expect? Link to post Share on other sites
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