OK, is my sister the problem?

[Rachel]

First off; My sister is a pain in the you know what. She is four years younger than me and very very competitive with me. She's 28. Whenever she meets any of my friends, platonic , romantic or even co-workers , by the END of the visit, she turns into a very obnoxious person. SHe will interrupt people, be opinionated, and last but not least, start making fun of something we did in our childhood.

 

It is very very disturbing. The good knews is that she lives 8 hours away. Everytime I visit her and its just the two of us its OK, if there's anyone else involved , by the end of the visit, I am just sooooo stressed out and distraught that its hard to describe. I am by nature pretty reserved and calm. I also do my best to be in non-confrontational issues.

 

OK, here's the problem. My new boyfriend of 4 months, finally met her this past weekend. First off, I did NOT give him any heads up. I figured I didnt' want to bias his opinion, because some people genuinely like my sister.

 

So, long story short, she visited me and my boyfriend graciously invited to take us all over town Sat. and Sunday, By the end of Sunday, I was absolutely, positively ready to pull my hair out. However, I was always sweet, and did NOT blow up at her or embarass her or myself.

 

I also did NOT acknoweldge her shortcomings with my boyfriend when I talked to him later on on Monday after my sister had left.

 

Here;s the deal; I haven't hardly heard from my BF since then. We have basically talked on the phone about once a day, and seen eachother mid week just about every week over the past couple of months.

 

I called him Mon night to thank him, he called Tuesday, didn't hear from him yesterday, and when I mentioned on Tues. that it was really nice seeing him, but that its too bad we didnt' get to spend any quality time together just the two of us, he said, you know I'm around. And then before hanging up he said, we'll set something up soon to get together. But didn't mention anything at all.

 

Well, I'm TOTALLy confused. Is he just tired, and needs a break? Am I over analyzing? Or is HE being a jerk judging me based on not liking my sister? Do I mention it or ask him what's wrong, or when he calls pretend like nothing in the world is the matter.

 

HELP me please. I really really care about this guy.

 

Should I acknowledge to him, that my sister can be a pain in the you know what?

[midori]

It kind of sounds like you're a bit paranoid about the bad effect your sister can have on other people. It's only Thursday, he called you on Tuesday and was fine, right?

 

You are not your sister. If she was annoying or embarrassing during her visit last weekend, that doesn't reflect on you -- unless you defend her. Why not mention it, apologize if that's called for, or treat it humorously if you can? Everyone has a relative or two who they'd sometimes prefer to hide from.

 

Calm down. Call your guy. Maybe he's having a bad week. We're all a bit edgy and frazzled these days, don't you think? There's no need to assume that your sister so repelled him that he doesn't want to have anything to do with you. If you don't make a big deal about her, chances are he won't either. And be glad she's eight hours away!

[Dragonflys]

I have friends that are a total pain in the butt, but that never affects any part of my relationships.

 

No, that's not it, and I think at the moment you may be overanalyzing this. He may be just busy and wants some time to himself.

 

If you relationship with him is put under threat by your sisters actions, then the relationship you have is on a pretty loose footing and you would lose him anyway over some other excuse.