coasting Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 It was my own stupidity for taking him back and giving us a second chance so quickly. After three weeks into our second chance he hit me with "I need to get my mind straigt and get my life together. I am an emotional wreck." He went to therapy and was told he needed to be somewhere else while he was getting his head together. He told me he was going to stay with his sister, but he actually went back to the other woman's house again. I asked him why he lied to me and he told me he knew that after he took his stuff out of here, that I would never give him another chance. And then he said it was not intentional, he never meant to break my heart again, but he was in love with her as well as me. I told him she was band aiding his boo-boos. That you can not just walk away from a three year relationship and fall in love with another woman in a six month time frame. He also said he had the perfect relationship with her. But if that were the case then why did he leave her and come back to me. I am so confused and the pain is ten time worse then the first time....I can actually say that I really hate myself for giving him a second chance to hurt me all over again... He also told me he would not come crawling for a third chance because he knew I would turn him down....so what is he trying to say or do? Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 I think he has not only said it's over for good, but attempted to burn his bridges with you. Now you will have to heal again. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Too quick. Second chances are to be handled s-l-o-w-l-y. That includes separate living arrangements. The chance was to see if 1) he was serious about pursuing the second chance, 2) The reasons he was pursuing the second chance, 3) and proving his behavior, -either negatively or positively. And all that takes lots of time. In other words, they are under investigation...until they are 'cleared'....and you do not live with the 'suspect', -nor do you trust him until he proves trustworthy. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 The second time around (regarding the break up) is extra difficult because we are SO hard on ourselves for giving these people another chance. We cant be so hard on ourselves, is it really so bad that we had a heart and decided that we were willing to allow them to prove themself? We were the bigger person here and will always rise above their faults BECAUSE we found it in our hearts to forgive. One thing that really allowed me to let go was, he KNEW what he needed to do this time, there was no "misunderstanding" about who, what, when, where, how, or why. We already had those discussions. So, therefore, its HIS fault. not mine :b No, but really? It does help to remind yourself that just because it didnt work out doesnt mean theres something wrong with you, it just means they were a stepping stone towards someone better, brighter, and far more loving than any numbskull who'd dupe us TWICE! Link to post Share on other sites
Author coasting Posted March 31, 2006 Author Share Posted March 31, 2006 Thanks for the support....but right now I feel like such a fool.....He wasn't living here, he did stay some of the time but most of the time he was with a friend of his....He did bring some things back in but really not all that much' I realize he is the loser, but in all honesty I feel like the loser and I feel I will never be able to open up or trust anyone ever again to get that close to me! Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Too quick. Second chances are to be handled s-l-o-w-l-y. That includes separate living arrangements. The chance was to see if 1) he was serious about pursuing the second chance, 2) The reasons he was pursuing the second chance, 3) and proving his behavior, -either negatively or positively. And all that takes lots of time. In other words, they are under investigation...until they are 'cleared'....and you do not live with the 'suspect', -nor do you trust him until he proves trustworthy. -Rio All I can do is echo these statements, Rio. Once again, right on the mark. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coasting Posted March 31, 2006 Author Share Posted March 31, 2006 I realize what you all are saying and I do apprecu=iate it, but why go from person to the other and do it all over again....Why put someone in so much pain, knowing you did once before to them. He also told me that I was his best friend and it pratically killed him when I didn't alk to him for 4 months, and he had the nerve to say it would kill him again if I didn't talk to him for another 4 months.....It is almost like he is asking me to keep the door a revolving one for him and I just can't do it, but right now I feel so lost that I would ttake him back again.....why do I feel this way? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 I realize what you all are saying and I do apprecu=iate it, but why go from person to the other and do it all over again....Why put someone in so much pain, knowing you did once before to them. He also told me that I was his best friend and it pratically killed him when I didn't alk to him for 4 months, and he had the nerve to say it would kill him again if I didn't talk to him for another 4 months.....It is almost like he is asking me to keep the door a revolving one for him and I just can't do it, but right now I feel so lost that I would ttake him back again.....why do I feel this way? He's playing with your heart. This time, be done with him. Go NC and stay there Link to post Share on other sites
Author coasting Posted March 31, 2006 Author Share Posted March 31, 2006 It's hard to do the NC thing as we both work in the Emergency Room, and that is where he cornered me the last time to let me know how he was feeling. Trust me noone wants to do the NC more then I do...Right now Ijust want to run him down and make him feel the pain he is putting me through all over again....Boy is it true when they say love is blind! Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Whisnimz...I see that you can't do a total physical 'NC' in regards to the same work location, -but 'NC' still maintains its same beneficial merit and backbone, and still has the ability to provide strong protection for you, despite this situation. Here's how: adopt the mentality of 'NC', i.e. commit to it ...-that's the first step in taking up this project to begin with- then implement it in as many physical ways as possible in your daily routine. Go back on this site and get those 'NC' guidelines from our guru, NoFoolin' ...due to the circumstances, you will need the extreme version of 'NC'. And buckle down. You can do this...many have done it....just because you're a woman doesn't mean you are weak...it actually makes you a rock when it comes to making the break stick. It will, no doubt, be the hardest thing you have ever done...but it's 'accomplishable'. Stay on the boards, here....and -just a note for now: keep your chin up, gal...he's about to get the f*cking that beats the f*cking he gave you! (Tell him to saddle up!) -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Author coasting Posted March 31, 2006 Author Share Posted March 31, 2006 one can only hope he is going to get what he deserves....I honestly don't think he will though as this other woman has to be pretty desperate to keep that door open for him, to allow him to leave and then come back in three weeks, Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Whisnimz, develop the *mentality* of 'NC'...it helps take your focus off him...and turns you into this female 'warrior' type that doesn't give a damn who he's with, nor what he's up to. Your adopted mentality is crucial. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Read the script. NoFoolins' Guide should be on your 'to do' list in flashing neon, right now. Do it. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author coasting Posted April 1, 2006 Author Share Posted April 1, 2006 I am trying so hard not to contact him....but I can't let go...there was a reason he came back to me, and I just can't throw the past three years of my life away.....I am so confused I want him to feel the pain but yet I don't want to see him hurt.......why is this feeling coming on so strong right now? Link to post Share on other sites
destination_unknown Posted April 2, 2006 Share Posted April 2, 2006 Hey w, i feel the same about my second chance going to s***. i think its a little harder second time around because when they come back we think - they must really love me, if they just wanted a fling wouldnt it be easier to find someone new - so this must be for real. But in reality they could have come back for the familiarity, security and because it was easy. Glad your doing NC, hope it makes you feel better soon. Took me the five weeks to become fully functional after 2nd chance break up, but dont let it keep you down, you got through it before, you will again. (I'm functional but anytime im alone w/ nothing to do, its anger/sadness/frustration!) You have to put a massive mental effort to not let these feelings take over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coasting Posted April 2, 2006 Author Share Posted April 2, 2006 Thanks....I just wishthis pain didn't hurt so much....It seems like I I was just getting over the pain and here we go again.....I am just so stupid for giving this chance to do this yet again...... Link to post Share on other sites
Axxx Posted April 2, 2006 Share Posted April 2, 2006 riobikini, i'm ready for my "match" quiz lol. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted April 2, 2006 Share Posted April 2, 2006 Axxx....start a thread and I'll take questions. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
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