is it my job to raise my younger sis?

[elisabeth160]

I'm 22 yrs old, and I live with my mother, her husband, and my younger sister who is 15. She is a complete and total spoiled brat. She talks to my mother as if she was superior to her. Shell call her a bitch to her face, curse at her and completly disregard anything she's told.

My mother has a lot of emotional issues as she's gotten older, with her husband and she's got a disability from her previous job so she can't work anymore and spends most of her time in bed.

Me and my sister were raised completly different. I was raised by my moms exhusband, my sisters biological father who was very strick and abusive with me, yet spoiled his own daughter, my sister. So I learned respect, and had disciplin. She on the other hand has not.

I had to do everything on my own, got a job at 16 bought my own car. From then on it was my responsability to buy my own clothes, shampoo, everything. I learned to not ask for money and do it on my own. She on the otherhand has absolutly no responsibility. No chores, has a cell phone, ipod, computer ect. She wants and gets and if she doesn't shell be a total bitch till she does. She expects the world from people without giving to anyone.

I see her growing up to be a very horrible person, and I don't like it. I have no children so I don't know how to teach her the good values in life. To appreciate, to not take advantage, and that life isn't always getting what you want. I try to discipline her but she acts as tho she doesn't care. Like f*** u whatever.

Is it even ok for me to be trying to discipline her? Seeing as how I'm only her sister? I just don't want her growing up into the person I see she's becoming.

What can I do?

[Citizen Erased]

It is not fair at all for you to have to deal with her as if she was your daughter. Then again, your mother isn't exactly capable of taking care of a 15. However, at that age, your sister has to realise she is no longer a child.

 

My cousin is exactly the same way. She has had everything spoon fed to her since she was born and it is sickening to see her treat her parents like dirt underneath her feat when they are the best parents. It is nothing with their parenting skills, some people just feel superior to their parents whether because they have a better education, more money etc. It is horrible, but it does happen.

 

Your sister needs to be shown that she cannot have everything which she wants. Talk to your mother about this, tell her of your sisters actions, and then make up a plan. If you are forced to look after her, then you should be able to give her a little disipline as well! Take the ipod off her when she slams the door, or yells at your mum. Dont give in because this girl needs to learn how to take care of herself, and your relationship, although rocky, will improve over the years as her attitude improves too. Are there grandparents or anything, aunts or uncles? Anyone who can give her a more Adult role model, someone who can take the control and responsibility off of your shoulders?

 

Good luck

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

elisabeth,

 

NO, it is not your job to discipline your sister. However, you can give her guidance when she asks for it. Otherwise, the best you can do is teach her by example.

 

By the way, I had a job when I was 14 - even though my parents have plenty of money. So what you are doing will serve you well in the future.

[elisabeth160]

There's no other family besides me my mother, step father and her father. And personally I don't think any of them are good role models. My mother has horrible relationship issues. Is depressed and has often threatened to commit suicide. The man she married has drug problems and every 3-4 months takes off on a binge. Her father is in and out of jail every 6 months for everything from DUI's to fraud to drugs. I myself am not a great role model because of my problems with school. Unfortunatly we haven't grown up in the healthiest of houses. But she's got a good head when it comes to school and grades. She wants to go away to a good college and be a lawyer.

She can be a great person, but when things don't go her way she's unbearable and shocking at her lack of respect. Its understandable when I look at what I've written about our surroundings, but I had worse growing up, much worse. And I'm not like her at all.

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

elisabeth,

 

Still, it is not your responsibility to bring her up into an upstanding citizen. Only she can do that for herself! She is old enough to know what is right and wrong. As painful as it is for you to watch, you really have to let her learn at her pace. She will not be receptive to your words until she is ready to change. You sound like you have a platefull of problems of your own. Do not make her problems yours - it will kill you (not literally.)

 

The best way to teach her is by good example. You have to make good choices and you have to be disciplined. Do not nag and do not criticize her - these actions will only drive her further away from you.

 

If she is as smart as you think she is, she will be able to figure out how to become a lawyer. You need to take care of you!

[JayKay]

At 15, I'm sure your sister thinks she knows it all.

 

I am wondering if it would not be more emotionally healthy for you to move out and get your own place?

This family environment sounds very tense and draining.

 

At 22, you need to worry about yourself; get your career plans on track and finish your education if you haven't yet.

 

Set a positive example for your sister and try not to engage in arguments or disputes with her. She may eventually come to you for advice as her life starts getting more and more complicated.

 

It's hard to lecture a teenager; I think any parent will tell you that.