lost/found? Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 I've noticed on many of these theads that when two people break up alot of times it's due to one of them losing that 'spark' or those 'in love' feelings. I was hoping that i could get as many opinions as posible as to whether or not you believe that those feelings can come back in certain situations. This doesn't pertain to me but I find it very interesting how this seems to be a common theme in many break ups and if that spels the END when those words are used. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 I've noticed on many of these theads that when two people break up alot of times it's due to one of them losing that 'spark' or those 'in love' feelings. I was hoping that i could get as many opinions as posible as to whether or not you believe that those feelings can come back in certain situations. This doesn't pertain to me but I find it very interesting how this seems to be a common theme in many break ups and if that spels the END when those words are used. Often times we change during a relationship. Some of us get clingy, others get disinterested. There's no sure fire way to get the spark back, but if I had to suppose, it would be to get back to being you. It was who you were when the relationship started that he/she was attracted to. Basically, confidence, self-esteem, and being happy go lucky are very attractive. Clingy, whiney, insecure, etc. Not attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 For me, I lost the "spark" or in my case, desire to chase. Even right now I do not care or feel anything about her. No desire, just indifference. So that is my spark; have to get me interested. Link to post Share on other sites
coasting Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 I would have to say that if the spark did come abck it waas do to a mutual connection....the in love feeling never leaves one person in the relationshi, if itleft both people there would no hurt involved. I know in my situation I definitely have the in lovee feeling and I would do anything to reignite the spark, but he is proving that the spark can not be relit because he does not know how he feels at this point in the game. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 That 'spark' you mention is nothing more than hormones creating a chemistry, sad to say, -but true. Anyone who took high school biology should already be equipped with that knowledge. The rest of a 'good' relationship is based on the mature, responsible behavior produced from your background schemata (life experiences), genetic personality traits/characteristics/behavior & tendencies, and how you employ them in relationships...all kinds/types of relationships. Depending on whether you have a developed personality that naturally leans towards or against a particular recognized knowledge or fact concerning relationships, (glass half full or empty concept) determines how you handle those 'other' important things that are so critical in maintaining a healthy relationship. Often, for instance, many of us know that certain behavior in a relationship is just wrong (cheating, for instance), but because we're not feeling that 'spark' at the time, we just go with the stupid behavior, which normally just creates a big mess, and the whole thing worsens because we begin feeding the behavior..why? -because it makes us feel 'good'...it becomes a surrogate 'excitement' for the lack of 'spark'. Many couples do experience a decrease in the 'spark' at some point in nearly any relationship...it's just giving into the thinking that 'it's over' because the 'spark' has dwindled, that leads us to falsely believe that we're just no longer 'in love'. These times when dwindling 'spark' occurs is a trying time, and if the relationship has enough good, solid, foundational qualities going for it, -the 'slow' period is just a time to roll up your sleeves, dig in, and show what you're made of -what your partner really means to you- and an opportunity for both of you to put forth the necessary effort to save something damn well worth saving. It may be time to review all the ways you, yourself, have let things 'slide' and, together, figure out ways to renew the 'spark' and do things a little (or a lot) differently. Losing the 'spark' is a normal occurrence...ditching the relationship and years of a strong , caring, loving, relationship is not the 'right' answer, here. My views are probably very traditional, but I don't apologize for them, -and I hope you give it some serious thought before you do something rash, irresponsible, possibly devastating to you both and, perhaps, and something you may regret the rest of your life. Losing the 'spark' is simply not enough, in my book, to throw it all way, it can be revived. Work on it. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
lilly36 Posted April 1, 2006 Share Posted April 1, 2006 I think westerners rely too much on "the spark"...sure the spark is good, that is why you get together with someone in the first place. But, the whole point of a relationship is that it grows, and you invest in it to make it more...so it moves past just "the spark". When I think of a partnership with someone....I think of somebody who will laugh at funny songs I make up...someone who I like to go to the grocery store with and subsequently cook a yummy meal....someone who will go hike with me or just lay around in bed and be lazy....there is so much to being in a relationship--and in the middle of all this-- someone who you can work out the practicalities of being in a relationship (esp. a live in one) where there are not-so-romantic things like taking out the trash, and vacuuming... anyway, I feel like I'm rambling, but I think that people are so into the immediate gratification...they forget about what can happen when you invest and build a real relationship.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lost/found? Posted April 1, 2006 Author Share Posted April 1, 2006 Well, would the lack of 'spark' and the often heard statement of I love you but i'm not in love with you mean the same thing. I know that if one of the people in the relationship loses those feelings, it could mean the end. But if both people are willing to dig in and work on that can those feelings return? Link to post Share on other sites
TravelLight Posted April 1, 2006 Share Posted April 1, 2006 I have no idea what the phrase "I love you but i'm not in love with you" actually means. It seems to be used a lot but I cannot make sense of it. Further explanation anyone? And truthfully I really do not know what the line about losing the spark really is really getting at. Everyone should know this is inevitable. Sparks maybe OK for igniting things, fuel is good for keeping something going. I can tell you this, I have had this line pulled on me. It means nothing when it comes from someone who's been around a while with you, who should know better. Those giddy emotions, 'sparks', come and go. If you're in a committed relationship, have been living together or whatever, sparks are not around all the time because life can be tough. Much more deeply satisfying is the feeling that you have given to someone in a relationship and stood by someone through troubles. If you ditch it because the spark is gone you may be missing out on something better. It also more painful when that something is lost. I think you need more of an explanation from whoever is saying this line. Link to post Share on other sites
lemon Posted April 2, 2006 Share Posted April 2, 2006 That's the line that was used on me. "I'm just not in love with you any more". He reiterated several times that I had done nothing wrong and that I was a great person, wanted to stay friends etc. but he wasn't in love with me and so couldn't continue the relationship as it wouldn't be fair. It's difficult to know what to make of it and so I've had to make the decision to not make anything of it and just say that the relationship is over which is the only definite thing. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted April 2, 2006 Share Posted April 2, 2006 TravelLight & Lilly...''Diito"!!! (Smile) -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 This same thing was said to me "I love you but I dont know if I am in love with you" not much you can do, however it is a sad excuse! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 Exit sounds like a run off, if you dont accept the route of given. Yet, how can I con vince myself of this 'turn' of events.' I am not acceptable. People come and go and we accept this direction of being involved whence youwere? I am amused of how one must or one must not, all so wearing of how should be. We must decide our if not the dictation of decisions. A difficult re action for those who follow or those who tread where they are not wanted or decidedly told in many ways not to. Repeat thyself is an action hard if not to. And why shall on e do so? Ok , hard to follow. Like and love are choices. If said, I believe we are fortuitive enough at the time to know the difference. If not we are involved in the life choices to recognize the difference, be it for whatever reasons. But, I did, he did, and I felt the love in my life experiences to understand the time spent together, the love felt or the reason to believe that for our moment or forever hold my piece I was never in a place to differiente the truth. Sadly, we never followed through. I believed he knew me enough and understood how I truly felt. He let me go. All of my life, I knew when this was real or knot. THis time I felt this feeling, and it flowed thru me as never before. He did not believe me. For whatever reason it was a second demeaning reason and we did not follow thru. Yet, at that time for the first time in my life, I still can not recover of all the let down in my life trying to, find reason to decipher the why's. I will not recapture those moments. But it still boggles my mind. Not ever have I so freely said these words to anyone, and I believe he does. NO I have not. The moment he walked in that door, why, oh lord why can or do I take this last statement to the ends of this site and talk to you and not him? I must be crazy or insanely wrong. I love him and told him and his friends in so many different ways and yet, I walked away...He was not turned on to me...?or appeared that I could not or would not be what he wanted. I learned to accept this as the months I pondered and held my feelings, of hurt and cried with him there as I spoke of others and wanted him to hold me and tell me, "I love you, too, don't go. If only for the nite. ANd that was all it ever appeared he gave me. I must be a good doer and not a doer. WHEW! I shall leave this site and please forever hold my piece. As he did mine, and showed me. But life goes on. I believe I was must of been wrong. Oh lord, if only a nite, and many from hre, I miss him and love him. But he didn't fancy me or felt I fancied more. He was wrong. ANd it appears so was I. If only he would give me a second chance. So could I. Who or what was it? A child protected? A child's fancy? Or the love I felt he felt? Can someone tell me where or whom I call upoN? Should I call him only to have him ignore my calls again? Or am I or the system of love f----ed up? I have different perspective given. At this point it is best to let it go, I was willing and if the other is not then I certainly am sadly mistaken. Given status am not the easiest to reason, bu t I certainly would not put myself in this situation again. To the man who I felt was the most. Handsome, loving, [oh lord], the real, and spoken, and funny, understanding, patient, giving, and loved me too as I heard him say as I was driving or about to in my life. God bless us and love us. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 What??? (But I agree with the last sentence.) -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts