why would someone do this?

[garnet]

My ex and I broke up in early January. We were only together for a few months, but it was an intense connection, and we had also worked together for several months prior to dating and had established a friendship. Then, he became confused. He told me that he had had a girlfriend who had left the country for 6 months, and that she was about to move back. They had been in touch the whole time she was gone and remained close. He was confused and said he needed time to figure things out.

 

I think I handled the breakup in a dignified way, and when I saw him at work after that I always appeared confident and happy. It was obvious that the spark was still there between us. I was in my final weeks at that job, so we didn't have contact for a month after that. Then, in February, he emailed me to tell me he had been thinking about me. I emailed him back but kept it light and upbeat. The next day was Valentines, and he text messaged me to wish me a happy Vday. A week later he called. Then, I saw him at our mutual friend's party, and he was coming onto me very strongly. He even invited me to go skiing with him. The next day he text messaged me to tell me how great it was to see me.

 

So, naturally I thought things must not have worked out with the other girl and that he may want to give us another chance. But when I asked our mutual friend about it, I found out that he WAS in fact back together with the other girl! My friend said that he doesn't seem to be that into her, she's very immature, calls him constantly and is very clingy. But still...he is with her. So I emailed him a very honest email telling him how I had been feeling about hoping to get back together, but that I didn't deserve to have my feelings played with and didn't want him to contact me again so that I could move on.

 

I am feeling so hurt and confused. I thought we had the makings of something really solid, and I can't believe he would want to be in a relationship like the one he's in. Any ideas of what would make someone behave this way?

[serial muse]

Hi garnet. I have three things to say:

 

1. he's obviously confused, but I totally agree that he shouldn't be playing with your feelings while he sorts his own out - that's selfish;

2. you handled the situation admirably

 

and 3. who is the toast man in your avatar? love him.

[riobikini]

Don't play with fire.

 

Leave him alone.

 

-Rio

[garnet]

thanks...I do plan to leave him alone. I guess I've just been questioning myself because our mutual friend defended him to me, saying "he didn't mean to hurt you...it was just innocent flirting." But I honestly feel that what he did was devious behavior and that I'm better off without him. Because I'm so close to the situation and so confused by it (because this guy does have a lot of wonderful qualities) I'm just looking for some validation for my feelings. The hurt part of me feels rejected and that I may have lost someone wonderful.

 

p.s. the toast man is a character from a line of stuffed toys.

[serial muse]

But I honestly feel that what he did was devious behavior and that I'm better off without him. Because I'm so close to the situation and so confused by it (because this guy does have a lot of wonderful qualities) I'm just looking for some validation for my feelings. The hurt part of me feels rejected and that I may have lost someone wonderful.

 

well, if it's any consolation, on this end of the monitor he doesn't sound at all wonderful, and i don't think you've lost a thing. what's more, you maintained dignity throughout. be proud of yourself.

 

also, "innocent flirting"? you dated this guy for several months, then broke up. there is no such thing as "innocent flirting" after all that.