jmmm Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 I recently caught my boyfriend in a lie by going through his cell phone. Long story short--he lied about going out night and he said it was easier to lie because he was avoiding an argument due to the fact I always give him a hard time if he goes out without me to bars etc. There are issues we are trying to resolve and he said he needs me to stop looking through his phone and I agreed. He placed it on the table last night and I saw it was locked because that was what it said and i said---so this is what it has come down to. I said if you have to go to this extreme then why are you with me? he said he did it to annoy me but still kept it on lock mode. I said if you need to do this after a year--then why are you with me. He said what does it matter if its locked if i am supposed to not go through it. I said do not play that game because you are only locking it because of me and if it was like that from day one--fine but after a year i feel like that it is weird and this won't help our relationship. In order to rebuild trust-there has to be some from the start meaning he shouldnt be locking his phone. What do you think? I feel like that will not resolve the issue--what kind of way is that to solve a problem if every time he leaves the room-he will put his cell on lock mode. I feel like i am being treated like a kid instead of someone trying to work through these issues. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 I have read many of your other threads, and I will say the same on this one as I have the other threads you have made. You need to move on. Its the same ol song and dance every time. He doesn't trust you looking in his phone etc, and you don't trust what it is he is doing. You're hanging on to a shell of a relationship. MOVE ON. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Author jmmm Posted March 31, 2006 Author Share Posted March 31, 2006 Well--thats why we are trying to improve our trust but i do not think it should be done this way and that is why i was asking what people thought about that. Meaning, i do not think this is a way to solve the problem. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 I don't think this problem can be solved. You obviously do not trust him. You're snooping through his stuff all the time checking up on him, and treating him like he's already cheated. You just don't trust him, and you seem to want HIM to change when he's not the one with trust issue to begin with. There's so much resentment between you, I think your best bet it is to let him go. Link to post Share on other sites
typical Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 This is same kind of $hit my BF does to me...and I know why you are sticking around. You are sticking around because you think that there is a chance that you are crazy, that you are seeing things through suspicious eyes and you refuse to let go until you are proven otherwise. What you are really waiting for is hardcore evidence that cannot be written off as just more of your crazy misguided mind. You are waiting for something that is a clear case of wrongdoing. Did it ever occur to you that he is causing you to think this way? He is gaslighting you. Crazy making. Manipulating and taunting. He knows that he has been the cause of distrust to begin with and instead of being a decent man about it, he instead tries to control the situation even more and then taunt you with his games. Putting the cell phone on "lock" and leaving it in a location where he knows you will see it...doesnt that seem just a little too deliberate?? Maybe he is getting sick of having to explain everything and that is the reason it is on lock. Maybe he is tired of getting accused and berated. I can understand this. But maybe also he is trying to get under your skin. LAY OFF THE FRIGGEN PHONE....Dont you see that every single issue that you bring up, you beat it to death to where he now has taken drastic measures and taunting you with them because he has an excuse to do so? Ever think that maybe this was a set up to begin with? Just so he would have a reason to put the phone on lock? You might of just fell right into a trap. I am telling you right now that if you ever have an issue with anything at all with him in the future, you are free to bring it up, but never beat it to death. Never make the effect bigger than the cause. Dont you understand that nothing is going to be revealed to you until it is time?? I know you have a burning need to know now, I know it tears you up inside, but your best bet is to just back off entirely or its going to be a series of spiteful little games and control issues, next he will just leave the phone in his locked car for the night---which will prompt you to go after his keys which will be hidden in a shoe box in the closet which will cause you to seek for other ways to find out what is going on, it never stops......and you will find yourself a bleak shell of what you used to be, constantly vigilant and not trusting another living breathing soul.....cant you see how this can get out of hand? Never let a man know that he has gotten under your skin in the first place. That is when and where the control begins and your freedom ends. Link to post Share on other sites
MadDog Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 If you weren't supposed to go through his phne the second time around, how did you know it was locked? MD Link to post Share on other sites
typical Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 MadDogIf you weren't supposed to go through his phne the second time around, how did you know it was locked? its called "conditioned reflexes"....good point though... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jmmm Posted March 31, 2006 Author Share Posted March 31, 2006 I knew it was locked because he took a pic of something and then placed the cell on the table where its not hidden so i can see the top of the screen and just looking down on the phone--it says locked.. i did not need to go through anything to read that. He said he was trying to annoy me but didnt think i would find out so soon. He said it doesnt have to remain on lock. If it was truly just done to annoy me--then it should be off lock now where we can actually begin to change..Him trusting me not to go through it and me not going through it. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 "He said he was trying to annoy me." Just one more reason for why you should get out of this situation. Thats game playing he is doing. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
MadDog Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 I agree with what seems to be the unanimous opinion on here. The solution: he finds a girl that doesn't go through his cell phone and you find a guy that won't feel the need to keep things from you. Problem solved. MD Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted April 1, 2006 Share Posted April 1, 2006 You don't trust him so why should he trust you? You freak out if he goes to bar without you. You snoop thru his cellphone. You do all of this and you wonder why he doesn't trust you. You're insecure and clingy. You both would be better without each other. He isn't going to change (nor should he have to). You can't change him. Accept him for who he is or move on. I'd suggest you both move on and find someone you're both more compatible with. Link to post Share on other sites
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