How to take a step back from a controlling situation..

[2sunny]

OMG-

 

I give up, YOU are the problem!

 

YOU are helping him to think this is acceptable behavior by defending him.

 

Good luck honey, BTW take your blinders off, or you may wind up dead!

[onlyhuman]

Gueniverre,

 

Please listen to the advice given by everyone here!

I read your post and the first feeling I got was deep sadness for you.Control people get away with this by having you believe their actions are normal and they are doing you a favour, nothing could be further from the truth.

 

I'll wager, no I'm certain that if you do some detective work you'll find his behaviour has been the same in his last relationships.

[gueniverre]

okay, lets not get testy here.....you dont have to read my post if you dont want, there are plenty of other posts to read. I dont think I will end up dead....

 

anyway, lets pretend I never wrote anything about all of this....lets just leave it at this simple question:

 

how does one get things back on equal footing without their bf/gf thinking that they are a bad person that is going to cheat or up to no good??

[gueniverre]

well he encourages me to go to school, no actually he has been pushing me to go to school because i wont have time after i have children. which is true. but we dont intend to have kids until a couple of years down the road...so he cant be that bad if he is pushing me to go to school....

[onlyhuman]

Gwen

 

Right ,lets forget all the details that make this problem.

Your car has worn brakes and squeks and your out buying earplugs!

 

If things were easy we'd all be buying that ticket to Narnia!

[2sunny]

well he encourages me to go to school, no actually he has been pushing me to go to school because i wont have time after i have children. which is true. but we dont intend to have kids until a couple of years down the road...so he cant be that bad if he is pushing me to go to school....

 

 

PUSHING being the key word.

 

HE will always push you to do what HE wants and can gain from you.

 

I feel very sad that you asked for help but are not willing to be receptive to a lot of good advice on how to be aware and to protect and guard yourself, if nothing else.

 

He has you snowed! I was in your position honey for 23 years. He had me convinced that had the perfect life. Yes he was gorgeous and provided plenty of money - so he thought I should take whatever demands and crap he wanted to deliver.

 

Yet if he dropped his dirty underwear in the laundry and it wasn't clean and put away two hours later, he found subtle ways to make me know he wasn't happy. When I wanted to go to lunch with a friend once a year - he suddenly had a report that very day that I needed to get finished, hence cancelling my plans.

 

This is not normal, but, of course - in the earlier years it wasn't quite so obvious, as I believe you feel now.

 

After the years moved along and we had children, it got worse because he did it to them as well. If he didn't like what they were wearing - he would make them cry to the point of changing their outfit.

 

It got worse as time went along because he knew I didn't believe in getting divorced. Now I am 45 years old and wonder why I wasted so many years with a man that deligated every moment of my waking hours...

 

I feel a great sense of relief and freedom in the past six months without him.

[destination_unknown]

The behaviours on those lists are not acceptable in ANY context.

 

There only needs to be one that he is carrying out for it to be abuse.

 

I hope your eyes are opened and that you have enough strength to walk the hell out the door and never look back.

 

STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR HIM, RATIONALISING AND JUSTIFYING HIS BEHAVIOUR. You are only making it worse for yourself.

 

You made a post and asked for advice. Has even one person said try to work things out? If you ask any of your friends (if your allowed talk to them) they will tell you the very same thing. You have gotten a very negative response about your partner because he IS ABUSIVE and nobody (except him) wants you to walk on eggshells and give up your freedom for this relationship.

 

You DO HAVE THE STRENGTH to start again without this abuse. And if you do take that very important step, you will be able to see how damaging it was, and you will be so happy that you got away.

 

My heart actually hurts for you, dont waste your life away when there are so many better things in the world. You dont have to live like this.

[destination_unknown]

G, please, please would you think about getting the book:

 

"No Visible Wounds : Identifying Non-Physical Abuse of Women by Their Men"

 

by: Dr. Mary Susan Miller

 

You can get it on amazon for like $10. Just read through, if you still feel like your partners behaviour is acceptable after reading, thats up to you, at the very least its a good book to read for ANY woman.