Guest Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Hi, I'm 27/f and just got married about 2 weeks ago. I'm absolutely crazy about my husband and we'd been living together very successfully for a year. I didn't think things would feel any different once we got married, but even though I'm really happy, I feel a little bit "weird." It's a little difficult to explain, but it's like I have a little anxiety that I didn't before. When we were living together, I felt completely secure and never did any "snooping" like check his cell phone or his email or anything. I still haven't done that and wouldn't because I'm a big proponent of communication and trust rather than snooping. But it's like this little seed of insecurity is there, even though I should feel more secure than ever since we just got married! My symptoms include insomia, bad dreams involving him, and a sort of nagging fear that he's going to start being a jerk. For his part, he felt a little weird at first too. But he seems to have become 99 per cent. comfortable with the change in the relationship. I feel a lot better, but still wonder why the irrational fear and jealousy (which I do not dump on him) comes out now? I have been married before, he hasn't, but I was one of those dumb kids who got married pretty much as soon as it was legal, and I don't think I am bringing a lot of baggage about from my failed marriage which was just silly. I've told my husband about it (the insecurity), he's very understanding. But I don't want to bring it up repeatedly and I just wonder what other married people have to say about this? Is it pretty normal and something that will go away with time? I had cold feet a little bit, but not because I didn't think he was perfect for me, just because I was so happy that it's like I was scared to change anything. Link to post Share on other sites
BeFree Posted April 1, 2006 Share Posted April 1, 2006 I think what you are going through is pretty normal. They say the first year of marriage is the hardest and this may be one of the reasons why. Also, if you spent a lot of time and energy on planning the wedding, it becomes difficult to channel that energy when the stress of planning is over. You may have not unwinded enough and found a way to relax yet, so you are sub-consiously looking for something else to replace that stress. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted April 1, 2006 Share Posted April 1, 2006 Try to relax. Give yourself time to enjoy the changes and get used to them. You have a husband now and not a SO and that little change in title can and does make a lot of people nervous for a while. Have you ever had long hair and had a drastic cut? Feel like you made a huge mistake and miss the long hair? Then you get used to it and before you realize it, it's grown long again. Getting used to marriage can be like that. My husband referred to me by my maiden name as late as our 10th anniversary! By the way--- CONGRATS! Link to post Share on other sites
milvushina Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 Thanks, you guys. You were right, I just needed to try to lighten up and enjoy all the attention and newness, like you said. Its been about a month now, if anything I feel more happy and secure with my relationship than before the marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
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