alittlewisernow

[Guest]

I have been reading posts here for about three weeks, ever since HE came into my life by chance. The caring people of this community have helped me to avert a terrible disaster and I just wanted to post here to tell you all how appreciative I am of your help. You don't know me and I don't know you, but just know that the things you say on here affect far more people than you realize.

 

I am a MW for 12 years, 3 kids. I met "T" online while helping a friend set up a profile on a dating service. She didn't want to chat, so I did it for her. Mistake number 1. Very quickly I found that we had everything in common and felt that unmistakeable "pull" that I have read so much about on here. It was an instant emotional attachment that I can't explain. Like a feeling that you've known someone forever, so natural and easy. We talked about anything and everything. I fell HARD. So did he. He lives 800 miles away, so the chance of anything ever evolving out of our relationship was extremely slim. Even our birthdays were 8 days apart. You get the picture.

 

So we started talking on the phone and pretty soon I found myself smiling more, laughing more, taking care of myself, started to exercise, lost a little weight - all those things you do when you feel that you are important to someone. At one point, T & I tried to stop talking, knowing it would end badly and said our goodbyes. I couldn't handle it and I was depressed like I had just lost my best friend and my dog got run over. He told my friend how much he missed me and didn't know what to do, didn't want to ruin my marriage, blah, blah, blah. That hit my buttons. He really cared. We began talking again, this time progressing to intimate and sexual conversations.

 

 

My husband is very intuitive and sensed something was wrong. He questioned me - and he was dead on about what was going on, mind you - and I lied. I began making plans to leave, knowing that I was not being fair to him and should just let him go. I kept telling myself that I was leaving for ME, not for T, because there was no future with T, so how could that be it? In hindsight, I was kidding myself.

 

After about a week, Hubby found the cell phone bill and confronted me and I came partially clean. While I did not tell him the content of my conversations with T, he knows when they took place, how long and how often. Hubby ordered me to stop all contact and he made a concentrated effort to change in the ways I asked him to, trying to meet my needs and be attentive to me. I tried to respond in kind to meet his needs that I hadn't been fulfilling. It was like being a princess in a prison. For some stupid reason, I continued contact with T. Hubby doesn't know. Keep in mind that the whole time I'm reading posts on a daily basis on here about the destruction of families, emotions, and lives due to infidelity.

 

Today I received an email from a very dear friend (who knew only a little about T and had thought I stopped talking to him.) This is the email she forwarded me:

 

"People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

 

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season!

 

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant."

 

That was it! I knew what I needed to do. My friend had no idea what she had just inspired in me. I tried to call T (several times in fact) but he would not answer. I had a weird feeling when I woke up this morning that he and I were not "connected" that day. Felt different than other days when I just knew when he was going to call or email. (I could just pick up the phone and it would ring and it would be him.) So I emailed him the forwarded email with my heartfelt thanks and a goodbye. Told him that I was glad he was with me when I needed him and that I hoped that I helped him in some way too. I won't divulge to you what I think his purpose was for me. That's way too private. I don't know how he took it because I have blocked all his calls and suspended my email addresses and IM names. I don't feel like cookie dough anymore. I feel like completely baked cookies. In control of my life for the first time.

 

Tonight I have a date with my husband. I'm going to look great. I'm going to be me - all of me - and share thoughts and dreams with him. I'm going to be attentive and affectionate, and accept his heartfelt attempts to show me how much he loves and cares for me. I'm going to respond to him, flirt with him, and make him feel like he's the only man in the room. I am going to make sure he knows how much I am truly in love with him.

 

To the cynical posters, the ranters, the sensitive ones, the nurturers, the understanding ones, the cheaters and the cheatees, the MM's, the MW's, the OW's and OM's and even the emotionally unbalanced, Thank you. All of you. You were all here for me for a reason.

[grateful]

Hello Guest,

Thanks for your story. I had a similar experience - - my first post after lurking was about my gratitude towards LS posters, including the ones struggling in the OW/OM forum, for helping me end an affair. I still struggled some with it after my first post, which was more wishful thinking than truth, but have since used LS as a resource to keep me from going down that path.

 

I recently got a voicemail from the OM, so it was perfect timing for me to read your story. I will also cherish my SO today, remember how my love for him kept me from the excitement/self-destructiveness of the affair.

 

Thanks again!

[Ladyjane14]

I still struggled some with it after my first post, which was more wishful thinking than truth, but have since used LS as a resource to keep me from going down that path.

 

It's terrific that you've avoided the pitfalls of infidelity, Guest. That's good news.

 

But I think Grateful raises a valid point here. On a good day, it's easy to be upbeat and positive. On a bad day.... Well, it's a bit more challenging.

 

Usually when there's temptation to stray from the marriage, it's an indicator that there are some unaddressed problems within the relationship. Hopefully, you'll be able to iron them out in no time, but I think it'd be wise of you to identify and address all the issues.