New Relationship question

[Rachel]

OK, so I have been in a truly wonderful relationship for the past four months. My boyfriend and I have been spending 3-4 evenings with eachother and last weekend we spend Sat and Sun together. Then this week, nothing nothing nothing.

 

He DID call Tues, thurs and friday, and we are going to my best friends house tonight(Sat.).

 

However, he didn't invite me to his place to stay the night any day of this weekend(which we always do).

 

We didnt' see eachother basically for 6 days.

 

I feel like discussing it with him. Is something up?(read pain in the but sister dilemma below). Or is he backing off?

 

He did tell me that we ARE in an exclusive relationship.

 

If we WERE spending 3-4 days a week doing things, then absollutely NOTHING this week, then how do I ask him what's up without sounding needy?

 

He said he was going on a 7:00 AM bike ride with his brother SUN morning, then I said, well, then that answers the sleep-over question. He said, you're welcome to sleep over.

 

Well, that is NOT what I wanted to here. I was NOT inviting myself over, its just thata we have spend Sat. nights or at least Fri. nights together.

 

So, I didnt' feel like he actually WANTED to spend Sat. night with me.

 

Well, help me out.

 

Is he backing off?

 

Is it appropriate for me to tell him that I liked it when we spend more time together?

[Tony T]

No, he's not backing off of anything but you are taking a lot of things for granted that you shouldn't. You have no contract that you are to spend weekends or a certain number of days together each week and you should not demand such.

 

It is irrational and unhealthy to demand or expect him to invite you to spend particular nights or days with him just because you have historically done so. Don't get in a rut or in a habit. Don't take things for granted.

 

You, yourself, should have taken the lead on this one and made other plans for yourself on certain days so you would be unavailable to him.

 

Men want unpredictability in a woman. Men are NOT challenged by a woman who is going to be there very predictably on certain days, certain overnights, etc. You need to learn some serious relationship skills if you want to keep your guy interested. You can drive him nuts if you refuse to be in a predictable rut and keep him guessing about when he'll see you and when he won't. Right now, he's doing this to you and look...see what an effect it's having on you???

 

Don't even act remotely like you're upset and don't stay overnight with him this weekend no matter what. Let him know you have other things to do. Turn this around NOW and make him wonder what you are up to. Be very very cool about it though and don't make it look like you are just playing games.

 

But, for Pete's sake, never get in a habit with a rigid schedule in your relationship. That can mean the death of it. Be cool, enjoy life, and enjoy being by yourself and doing things by yourself and with friends. You do yourself a grave disservice by revolving your world, or at least a good part of it, around your boyfriend.

 

It sounds like he's got a very good head on his shoulders. Learn from him.